Stephen Hawking: Whole Lot of Shit Going Down!

Funny story written by Bureau

Saturday, 28 December 2013

image for Stephen Hawking: Whole Lot of Shit Going Down!

Prominent scientist, Stephen Hawking stated today that both Greenpeace and other environmental groups are fighting a losing battle with nature.

"There are about 7 billion people on the earth today. Let's say they have one good crap each day. Now I realize that we must include the elderly that are stopped up and the youth that have the runs but that can be calculated.

Hawking estimated there to be nearly 63 trillion craps going down every year.

Stopping to check on his fingers and have his machine start making farting noises (a joke he loves), he concluded that even though nearly twenty one billion craps are by Chinese alone, that must be balanced by the Americans who are full of it and can sometimes eat six meals and crap 2-3 times per day, it comes out to 16 trillion craps each if you add the accidents.

That's just in those two countries alone.

So, at least 63 trillion bowel movements are going into the earth every year, and into it, having a tremendous effect.

"Now let us consider each member of the animal kingdom."

"That's OK! That's OK!", stated the interviewer, looking stunned. "We'll take your turd...word for that."

(Fart! Fart!) laughed Hawking, as he drove away. "You are wasting your time. We're in a world of shit!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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