Putin-topping fantasies dominate London's Russian elite

Funny story written by queen mudder

Friday, 27 December 2013

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This Friday??

London, UK - A poll of 1,000 London-based Russian businessmen with a personal net worth of between $20 and $250million has revealed their Top 10 favorite dinner party talking points ahead of the Russian Winter Olympics.

"At pole position is the perennial question of 'When will Putin die?'" says Mayfair hedge fund boss Dim Eatery Pussi-Riot, 69, CEO of Bloodyvostock Securities Inc, whose annual $27million paycheck reflects a pretty average Russian salary in the British capital.

"Second favorite topic is 'Who is going to kill Putin?'" highly successful City of London massage parlor entrepreneur Svetlana Mogadon-Vodkatini, 19, volunteers, "including tarot card readings about his meat cleaver-wielding ex-wife Lyudmilla's handyman Boris."

Third most popular theme is 'Maybe Putin's already dead?' according to Sir Gay Sergeyovich, head barman at the Moscow Calypso champagne and oyster bar in Billingsgate where the KGB has a secret safe house above an organic butchers.

Of course all seven remaining talking points in the émigrés' Dinner Party Chit-Chat Top 10 consist of variants of the 'When will Putin die?' question - with accompanying odds on the likelihood of their success.

Topping the possibilities leaderboard is, according international odds-setters Aintgottaprayer.con, Death By Entirely Natural Causes before the start of the 7 February 2014 Sochi Games (3/1fav).

Commenting on the story someone from Hitmen Anonymous said all the company's international consultants were already fully booked until at least April 1st.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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