There were 752 spoof news stories published in December 2013. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
The Women of Duck Dynasty To Appear In A Nude Calendar
CHICAGO - Mrs. Phil Robertson AKA Miss Kay has just announced that Willie's wife Korie and Jase's wife Missy have agreed to appear in a 2014 calendar to be named The Women of Duck Dynasty. Kay said that Jeptha's wife Jessica, who is a model, will…
Read full storyJennifer Lopez Addresses The Butt Reduction Skuttlebutt
NEW YORK CITY - J.Lo is used to hearing all kinds of rumors about just about every part of her body. She recently sat down with Vodka Vermicelli of iRumors at a Pompous Pizza Parlor and talked about the fact that there is never a shortage of rumor…
Read full storyMy Cellphone's Demand: "I Want a Selfie"
Sam, my cellphone, hadn't been working well lately, and now I know why. Blurred photos and bad connections had become routine. I complained about this in a phone call to my friend the other day. A few minutes later, I got a text message FROM my cellphone. Yep, you read that right. All text messages go through the cellphone of course, but this one was FROM Sam, my cellphone. Here's what...
Read full storyMona Lisa Begs: Let Go, Lego
At a packed press conference in NYC's Grand Central Station last night, Mona Lisa (yep, the one who's the subject of Leonardo da Vinci's famous 1503 painting) told the world of her outrage to find out that someone had made a Lego likeness of her famo...
Read full storyBOY Pandas Think Pink, Turn Out To Be GIRLS
"Thank Heaven for Little Girls," Maurice Chevalier sang in the background recently when it was announced at Zoo Atlanta that the panda twins born in July, once thought to be male, are female. Blimey! As reported in Oh, boy! Atlanta zoo finds ou...
Read full storyDumpster Diving Is New Way to Get an Emmy Award
Folks in the television industry now recommend this as the BEST way to capture that award. They discovered this after reading an article in the New York Post: Worker Snags an Emmy ... that he found in trash. Forget arm twisting, lobbying, spending tons of money to "buy" votes. Not worth it, those in the know say. After interviewing approximately 100 dumpster divers for Emmys on the st...
Read full storyNina Dobrev Nixes Ian Somerhalder's Idea of Matching Intimate Tattoos
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Nina Dobrev and Ian Somerhalder of The Vampire Diaries were recently spotted together at The Tipsy Tadpole Lounge in West Hollywood. The two were acting like lovebirds as Nina hand-fed Ian cashew nuts while he rubbed his left hand...
Read full storyPopeye's To Open Up A Restaurant In Afghanistan But Under A Different Name
SANDY SPRINGS, Georgia - The Popeye's Chicken Corporation has just informed the public that it has worked out a deal with the government of Afghanistan. According to Popeye's Spokesperson Geneva "Chicky" Queensberry a Popeye's Restaurant will be b...
Read full storyThe real Nelson Mandela died in jail 'years ago' after Winnie conjugal visit: NATO report
Johannesburg, South Africa - An unmarked grave in south Africa's notorious Victor Verster prison is Mandela's last resting place according to a NATO file on the political activist's former wife Winnie. The report describes how a furious fight bro...
Read full storySusan Boyle is still a virgin
Susan Boyle has never been able to copulate with a man and after visiting the doctor she was told why. She was diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome which prevents her from becoming sexually aggressive with men. The diseases is a mild form of autism...
Read full storyMegyn Kelly Addresses The Porn Movie Rumors
NEW YORK CITY - Santa Claus expert Megyn Kelly appeared on Live With Kelly and Michael. Michael (Strahan) asked her if she had any idea that the arrogant comment she made about Santa being white would have backfired on her the way that it did.
Read full storyJustin Bieber Is Dumb Like A Fox
NEW YORK CITY - Justin Bieber flew into New York City for an appearance on The Viagra View with Larry King and Regis Philbin. The Biebs told the elder talk show hosts that he wanted to give them a scoop. Both men sat up in their chairs. Justin then told them that he was officially announcing that he was retiring from the music business. No?" asked Philbin. "Yes" Bieber replied "You'...
Read full storyYuppies Petition Biologists To Declare Themselves A Separate Species.
Yuppies, those demi-gods who live amongst us mere mortals do have a hard go of it. They, by their very existence, are refined creatures so much better than you or I who are mere mortals suckling the earth for survival. Now, tired of being consider...
Read full storyLocal Businessman Lost His Yacht: He Simply Forgot Where He Put It
We often misplace things. Keys, wallets, even briefcases and laptops have gone missing simply by misplacing them temporarily. And this Louisville man, whose favorite gifts at Christmas is a bottle of Makers, or tequila. He misplaces things, too. A lo...
Read full storyWarren Beatty Says He And Annette Bening Will Probably Get Divorced Over The Transgenderism Issue
HOLLYWOOD - Warren Beatty and Annette Bening have been married for 21 years, but as Beatty recently told Carolina Chipotle with Bedroom Pillow Talk it looks like the marriage has hit the big Wall of Divorce. The actor who claims to have bedded 9,8...
Read full storyHillary Clinton Has Butt Lift - It's Not What You Think!
Instead of having to go have those bullets that were still in her body after that close call in the Middle East where she landed her helicopter right into the midst of a fire fight, $tar$ Magazine has learned that Hillary is actually in for a major b...
Read full storyIt's Official: Canada Most Boring Country in the Anglosphere
Researchers at Oxford University have bestowed upon Canada the dubious distinction of being the most boring of the six countries that comprise what's known as the Anglosphere: Australia, Canada, England, Ireland, New Zealand, and the United States.
Read full storyDon't Wear That Bow Tie; It's Gay
I know you think wearing a bow tie makes you look intellectual, but it doesn't. It makes you look gay and you're going to end up getting your jaw broken by some guy who thinks you're giving men a bad image. And you can forget about getting laid. Women say they like that look, but they don't. They're yanking your chain. What they really want is for a man to dress like a man and not pretend he's al...
Read full storyThe KKK Says They're Proud of Megyn Kelly
TUCSON, Arizona - Megyn Kelly has managed to knock Obamacare, the Indiana Pacers, and The Tea Bag Party Christmas Party Fund Scandal off of the front page. The 43-year-old talking head with FOX News has stirred up a holiday hornets nest with her c...
Read full storyRosie O'Donnell Wants To Wrestle Megyn Kelly In A Pay-Per-View Match
NEW YORK CITY - Rosie O'Donnell said that the heartless comments made by Megyn Kelly have really upset her children. O'Donnell said that most of the neighborhood children have also been upset and even traumatized at the callously insensitive remar...
Read full storyMarilyn Monroe And Her Infamous Bras
LOS ANGELES - There is no one in the entire United States who knows more about the legendary 50's sex symbol Marilyn Monroe than author Josh Butterweed. Butterweed has written more than 19 books on the famous blonde bombshell who President John F.
Read full storyKanye West Reveals A Secret To Barbara Walters
NEW YORK CITY - Kanye West appeared on The View with Barbara Walters and Walters let him know right away that she would not be putting up with any of his arrogant musings. West told her that she was not going to dictate to him what he could and co...
Read full storyTennessee Votes To Make Twerking Illegal
FRANKFORT, Tennessee - The Tennessee Senate has just passed a bill that was carried by a vote of 32-1 that makes twerking illegal. State senator Florence Pennymaker [D-Memphis] stated that she's 34, and she is by no means a prude but having seen M...
Read full storyRoman Abramovich bags a cool $1billion 'introduction fee' as Ecuador pawns entire oil sector to Chinese
New York - Russian mobster Roman Abramovich is reported to have trousered one billion US dollars this week after brokering the oil scam of the century pawning Ecuador's annual $13 billion crude sales to China's Hoo Flung Dung Energy Corp. The deal...
Read full storyThe List of 10 Banned Christmas Toys
Christmas is right around the corner and shoppers are scurrying around looking for that special gift for that special someone in their lives. Each year the top selling gift items are children's toys and this year is no different. For the past few years the Cheyenne, Wyoming-based toy research firm Toys Up The Chimney Researchers of America have provided a list of the 10 best selling toys.
Read full storyUK's Prince Philip accidentally frozen in cryogenic pod with Walt Disney's head
Prince Philip, the Queen of England's escort, has fallen into a secret cryogenic chamber a mile below California's Disneyland. Inspecting the pods where Sleeping Beauty and Walt Disney's head are stored "The Dook" was leaning over the safety barr...
Read full storyPresident George W. Bush Scoffs At The Gay Rumors Regarding Him and President Vladimir Putin
NEW YORK CITY - Former President George "WMD" Bush was in the Big Apple to appear with Regis Philbin and Larry King on their talk show The Viagra View. During the show he was asked by Regis why he had lied about there being weapons of mass destruc...
Read full storyDuck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson Says He's Thinking About Moving To Russia
WEST MONROE, Louisiana - The star of A&E's hit cable show Duck Dynasty said he had no idea his anti-gay remarks would stir up such a sh*t storm. Phil Robertson, the Robertson family patriarch remarked to American Spotlight Magazine "Hey lemmy...
Read full storyPresident Putin Warns Kim Jong Un If He Fires Off Another Missile It Could Be His Last
MOSCOW - Reports coming out of Russia are that President Vladimir Putin has just about had his fill of the Asian Pillsbury Doughboy Kim Jong Un. President Putin told Russia's national news agency Vodkavich that he has never known a world leader wh...
Read full storySelena Gomez Angrily Drops The F-Bomb At A Concert
LOS ANGELES - Selena Gomez performed at the Annual KIIS-FM Jingle Ball and was really excited since she heard that Vice-President Joe Biden and is wife Jill were going to be in the audience. After Selena began her first song, the microphone cut ou...
Read full storyMaksim Chmerkovskiy of Dancing With The Stars Buys A $9.8 Million Russian Style Mansion in Malibu Beach
MALIBU BEACH - The Dancing With The Stars dancer Maksim Chmerkovskiy has reportedly paid $9.8 million for a Russian style mansion that once belonged to famed ballet dancer Rudolf Nureyev. Maks who is known as The Bad Boy of The Ballroom because of...
Read full storyRihanna Draws The Line At The Clitoral Tattoo
WEST HOLLYWOOD - Rihanna loves nothing better than to show off her numerous tattoos to not only her close friends but to mere acquaintances as well. She has said that she feels like her body is merely an easel and her tattoo artist is the legendar...
Read full storyNorth Korea's Kim Jong Un Offers To Buy South Korea
PYONGYANG, North Korea - In a move that no one saw coming the government of North Korea has offered to purchase the entire nation of South Korea. The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that the leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un has made a very ge...
Read full storyFake Contracts
The USA's Office of Commercial and Business Affairs promotes and protects U.S. business interests in foreign countries. Period! The following story is fictitious. The conversation took place between a fully authorized representative of PKKT (Phobio-Klepto-Kakisto-Theocracy) government and a giant US Corporation. The PKKT's man was a cook-help in the kitchens of American families in 1970s when h...
Read full storyAmerica's Homeless Problem: The Final Solution
America's Homeless Problem: The Final Solution. By General Wolfgang Puck America Heritage Foundation. "We Offer Final Solutions To America's Problems." Every day there are over 3.5 million people in the United States that are homeless. Of course, many of them are hungry. As part of what is increasingly called the "war on the homeless" local governments and businesses are united in tryi...
Read full storyGlory Holes to be built into new Scottish homes Outrage
New Scottish houses may have built in "Glory Holes", under plans to improve the home like qualities of new build designs. A proposed new development of 3000 homes along the banks of Loch Ness will each have a glory hole, with larger properties having...
Read full storyBoeing To Move To Bangladesh To Hire Sweatshop Workers
Seattle--- Recently nine billion in tax subsidies were voted by the state legislature in Washington State to give to Boeing Aircraft. It involves 787 tax breaks ands the largest subsidy ever given to a corporation by a state in the nation's history.
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Banned From The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has just issued an official White House message which states that pop singer Miley Cyrus will not be allowed on the White House property. Colfax informed the White House Press Corps that th...
Read full storyDonald Trump, the Christian Coalition Declare a December Offensive in the War Against Christmas
HEADQUARTERS, FOX NEWS--Bret Baier today grimly announced on FOX News that the Christian Coalition, with the support of former President Donald Trump, will launch a winter offensive in the second week of December in the ongoing War Against Christmas.
Read full storyClint Eastwood Devastated After Finding Out That His Daughter Francesca Is A Democrat
CARMEL, California - Clint Eastwood, who is a dyed-in-the-wool Republican, is alleged to be angrier than a Persian cat at a skunk party. The devoted GOPer has just learned that his 20-year-old daughter Francesca has become a card-carrying Democrat...
Read full storyThe Reason Why NASA Has Hired North Korean Leader Kim Jong Un's Nephew
HOUSTON - The National Aeronautics Space Agency has just released a statement that it has hired the nephew of North Korea's leader Kim Jong Un. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb informed the news media that 24-year-old Tong Song Chu has been hire...
Read full story"Assholism" Proposed as New Personality Disorder
The American Pyschological Association (APA) is formally considering adding "assholism" as an official personality disorder to the next edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, as announced by a leading psychiatrist, who...
Read full storyFamous Man Arrested In Attempt To Feed Poor
Pasadena CA--A series of people in the U.S. have faced arrest for feeding the homeless in public spaces. Yesterday, an activist appeared to feed the hungry in Central Park in California's Rose Bowl City. The Director of Health Services for the cit...
Read full storyNorth Korea Issues A Warning To France
PYONGYANG, North Korea - The Rice Paddy National News Agency of North Korea has just printed a message that North Korean leader Kim Jong Un has sent to the French government. It has been brought to Kim Jong Un's attention that there are three come...
Read full storyMcDonald's To Offer A Special Promotional Burger - The McMandelaburger
OAK BROOK, Illinois - The largest fast food franchise in the world has just let its customers know that it will soon be putting out a special limited promotional burger in honor of Nelson Mandela. Nancy Zabaletta spokesperson for the fast food cha...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Case Study: Scientists Discover New Form of Tourette's Syndrome "Tongue Twerkettes"
Doctors nationwide in the last few months have received a flood of calls, walk ins, and email correspondence from parents expressing concern over their childrens behavior. The main cause for alarm is that these children are constantly sticking their...
Read full storyPresident Obama Invites Denmark's Sexy Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt To Spend The Christmas Holidays At The White House
WASHINGTON, D.C. - White House Press Secretary Cal Colfax has stated that President Obama was so impressed with the blonde Danish Prime Minister Helle Thorning-Schmidt that he has invited her and her husband to the White House for the Christmas holid...
Read full storyLarry King Sells His Viagra Factory To Hugh Hefner
NEW YORK CITY - Larry King recently purchased a Viagra factory located in Altoona, Pennsylvania. He just announced on his television talk show The Viagra View that he has sold it to Playboy Magazine mogul Hugh Hefner who is 87. King told his co...
Read full storySuper Bowl to be played without helmets
New York - Unleashing a last-minute rule change that is certain to spark controversy, the National Football League has banned the use of helmets in the upcoming Super Bowl. "The NFL wants Super Bowl XLVIII to be the safest championship game ever...
Read full storyAdele pulls out of Roman Abramovich lavish $10million New Year's Eve bash
St Bart's, Caribbean - "She doesn't need fashion advice from someone named after one of Santa's bloody reindeer!" is how singer Adele's PR put it today following remarks by Russian mobster Roman Abramovich's current live-in squeeze Dasha Zhukova.
Read full storyMadonna Rants That Christina Aguilera Is Too Skinny And That Someone Needs To Give Her A Hot Dog
NEW YORK CITY - Madonna was out in Central Park walking her pet flamingo when she was approached by an entertainment news program reporter. Vodka Vermicelli with iRumors asked the "Don't Cry For Me Argentina" singer what she thought about Christin...
Read full storyMemory Test
Grandad, do you have problems remembering things? I do. Names in particular. I have to make lists of all the nieces, grand nieces, nephews and grand nephews and learn them by heart. You always get my name right. Well, it's the same as your mother's and her mothers. I get into trouble at school if I forget things. Such as? Oh those awful maths things and the names in science. Real...
Read full storyKeith Harris Arrested In Murder Of Orville The Duck
Ventriloquist Keith Harris has been arrested by police in Blackpool for the kidnapping and murder of his former partner and long term friend Orville. Officers from the resort swooped on Harris as he left his council house home in the Layton area o...
Read full storyFeminist sheep sabotage Welsh sheep shagging conference
Dozens of sheep have staged a protest in central Cardiff to protest against the "meat market" of the pornography industry, as adult entertainment executives attended a National Sheep shagging summit in Llandudno. Dressed as butchers and smeared with...
Read full storyWalmart Admits Food Drive Was Simply Misplaced Compassion
Walmart issued a rare apology today for the tasteless advertisement that claimed its workers were so needy that they could use donations from its customers in the United States. The Bentonville, Arkansas based company which advertises better li...
Read full story"Latina Shemale" Pornstar Revealed Actually To Be French!
Porn performer Samannthaa Coxxx, for years billed as "The Latina Shemale" was revealed today actually to be from Paris, much to the shock of her legions of fans. A teary eyed Coxxx faced an inquisitive press with contrition, apologizing to her...
Read full storyThe KKK Will Hold A Parade To Protest The Suspension of Duck Dynasty Star Phil Robertson
TUCSON, Arizona - The national chapter of the Ku Klux Klan has just announced that they are planning a protest parade to take place in West Monroe, Louisiana, home of Duck Dynasty's Robertson family. The parade will be held to protest the suspensi...
Read full storyKristen Stewart: Robert Pattinson Acting Strange
Word on the street is that Kristen Stewart is telling friends that her guy, Robert Pattinson, was acting strange and had done so before. Ms. Stewart began by telling friend, Taylor Lautner and he passed it on to others who wanted to help Pattinson...
Read full storySarah Palin introduces Tea Party's healthcare package
Nome, Alaska - The Republican Tea Party can no longer be accused of not having an alternative to Obama Care, according to presidential contender Sarah Palin. The former Alaska governor this week introduced the party's SAD program, an acronym tha...
Read full storyF-35 Shoots Down Santa; U.S. Military Culture May Change
As reported in this space a few days ago, NORAD - who tracks the progress of Santa Claus -- almost killed the white-bearded jolly man. Santa, his sleigh and reindeer were on a trial run over the North Pole when they were mistaken for an incoming mi...
Read full storyHousing estate built on Butlins' Barry Island site haunted by Sir Billy Butlin
"Most Hauntings" spin-off series, "Night Con" claims that the ghost of Sir Billy Butlin is walking through the rooms of a housing estate built on the ghostly remains of derelict Butlins' Barry Island Resort at night. Former T.V medium, Derrick Ac...
Read full storyPETA Plans To Put Snails On The Endangered Species List - So It's Bye Bye To Escargot
NORFOLK, Virginia - Snails have been around just about as long as flies, spiders, and pill bugs, but unlike those three insects the number of snails has decreased by 37 percent in just the past three years. Insect experts state that this is due to...
Read full storyJay Leno Buys A Wyoming Woman's Volkswagen Beetle With 3 Million Miles On It
BURBANK, California - Jay Leno has one of the most extensive automobile and motorcycle collections in the world. He is said to own over 100 vehicles and 90 motorcycles most of them very expensive. Leno recently heard about 61-year-old Rayleen...
Read full storyUncensored Cartoons Mistakenly Showed on Kid's Channel
A glitch of some kind hit 'The Kid's Channel' early this morning and was not pulled or corrected for some time, due to so many employees trapped in the bad weather. "I didn't know what was going on but I'm very sleepy in the morning and the kids w...
Read full storyNASA Reports That The Martian Land Rover Has Run Over A Possum
HOUSTON - NASA officials have just received a computer readout from the Martian land rover Curiosity which reports that it has run over what appeared to be a possum. One of the NASA executives who saw the computer message noted that a varmint type...
Read full storyLouisiana Names Duck Dynasty's Robertson Family As Its 2013 Family of The Year
BATON ROUGE, Louisiana - State Senator Howie Du Croissant [R-Shreveport] has just informed the news media that the state has decided to honor the Robertson family, stars of the hit A&E television show Duck Dynasty. Senator Du Croissant stated...
Read full storyWalmart Is Closing Its One Store In North Korea
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - The world's largest retail store has just stated that they will be closing its North Korean Walmart on January 3, 2014. A spokesperson for the retail giant said that the company was reporting an average of 15 shopping carts...
Read full storyMike Bloomberg's Baby Grandson Caught with a Big Pepsi
The outgoing mayor of NYC has had a lot to say about large, sugary drinks. In short, he hates them. They don't jive with his health crusade. But his newborn grandson (he was born on Christmas Eve) ain't buying it. "Breast milk is ok," said...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Not Allowed To Visit The Statue of Liberty
NEW YORK CITY - The little Canadian pop singer Justin Bieber has just had a rude awakening on his visit to the Big Apple. Bieber had been wanting to visit the world famous Statue of Liberty ever since he was 9-years-old. He paid a visit to the...
Read full storyRed Lobster Announces Some of Its Restaurants Will Be Renamed Blue Lobster
ORLANDO, Florida - Red Lobster Spokeswoman Bree Hugginharpee has just informed the news media of a change that the seafood franchise Red Lobster has decided to make. The company's board of directors decided that the company would keep the name Red...
Read full storyA Homeless Man In Illinois Wins $293 Million In The Lottery And Gives It To President Obama
CHICAGO - Melville Paxperkins has been a homeless man for 17 years. He said that he lost his house in a poker game back on Labor Day of 1996. Mr. Paxperkins has been hanging out at the same Chicago corner for the past 15 years and he says that eve...
Read full storyArkansas Asks Chick-Fil-A To Change Their Restaurant Name
LITTLE ROCK - The governor of Arkansas has sent a letter to the home office of Chick-Fil-A in Atlanta, Georgia. The letter respectfully asks that the chicken franchise please change the name of their restaurants located within the state from Chick...
Read full storyWalmart Removes All of Their Megyn Kelly Bobblehead Dolls From Their Shelves
BENTONVILLE, Arkansas - Walmart, the largest retail chain in the entire world, has just made it known that it does not take kindly to anyone attacking the sanctity of Christmas or Santa Claus. Walmart spokeswoman Kimberley Silverlace stated that t...
Read full storyHockey player suspended for having too many teeth
Cold part, Canada - Starting defenseman Larry McMurphy was suspended 2 games for his repeated violation of NHL dress code. According to section 3.41.2 "No player, in accordance with hockey tradition, shall have a complete set of front teeth." His sus...
Read full storyLong John Silver's To Introduce The Piranha Sandwich
LOUISVILLE, Kentucky - The Long John Silver's Corporation is getting ready to introduce what is perhaps its most interesting menu item in its 45 year history. Elmendorf Butterbox, a representative for the fish restaurant chain stated that the Pira...
Read full storyNude Photos of Kim Kardashian Are Discovered In A Storage Unit In Cucamonga
CUCAMONGA, California - A manager of a storage unit facility in Cucamonga opened up one of his storage units and was surprised to see what was inside. Russ Figgford said that since the monthly payment on one of his storage units had not been paid...
Read full storyA 91-Year-Old Great-Grandmother In Georgia Arrested After Police Find 3 Tons of Marijuana In Her Greenhouse
SAVANNAH, Georgia - Local police have made what they are calling the biggest marijuana bust in the state's history. Half a dozen officers with the Savannah Police Department raided the home of 91-year-old Agnes Leona Pigeonberry a retired high sch...
Read full storyIceland To Name Its New Aircraft Carrier In Honor Of Nelson Mandela
REYKJAVIK, Iceland - Iceland has just announced that it will be naming its brand new state-of-the-art aircraft carrier in honor of South African President Nelson Mandela. A spokesperson for the Icelandic government stated that originally the aircr...
Read full storyMassachusetts Bans Tootsie Roll Pops
BOSTON - Massachusetts State Senator Ambrose B. Tamburello [R-Chicopee] led a movement to ban Tootsie Roll Pops from being sold anywhere in the state of Massachusetts. After a highly heated argument the vote was taken and the Anti-Tootsie Roll Bil...
Read full storyMegyn Kelly's Hometown of Syracuse, New York To Take Down Her Statue and Replace It With A Statue of Santa Claus
SYRACUSE, New York - The upstate New York city of Syracuse, which is the birthplace of FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly, has decided that due to Kelly's way out-of-line comments about the color of Santa Claus' skin it will be forced to take some action.
Read full storyStephen Hawking: Whole Lot of Shit Going Down!
Prominent scientist, Stephen Hawking stated today that both Greenpeace and other environmental groups are fighting a losing battle with nature. "There are about 7 billion people on the earth today. Let's say they have one good crap each day. Now I...
Read full storyWalmart Spokesman Loses Control Punches Reporter
New York - At a press conference today Walmart spokesman Scott A. Reid faced hostile questions from gathered reporters. The press were called so that Mr. Reid could justify the U.S. retailers decline to aid factory victims in Bangladesh by participa...
Read full storyNew York Mets Already Eliminated from the 2014 Playoffs
Flushing, New York - Due to an accounting error, the New York Mets baseball club has been mathematically eliminated from the 2014 National League playoffs. Mets principal owner Fred Wilpon took full responsibility for the arithmetic mishap. H...
Read full storyA Baltimore School Teacher Finds An Image of Miley Cyrus On Her Breakfast Muffin
BALTIMORE - Dee Dee Snuggatelli is an English school teacher in the Baltimore School District. She said that in her 7 year teaching career she has pretty much heard and seen it all. She told a local newspaper reporter that a few days ago she wa...
Read full storyClose Up Photos of Saturn Reveal What Appear To Be Motorcycle Tire Tracks
HOUSTON - The National Aeronautics and Space Administration has just released some astounding information to the general public. NASA Spokesperson Trent Timmelfarb said that recent close up photos of Saturn have revealed what appear to be motorcyc...
Read full story2016 Summer Olympics in Rio Bans Horse Meat Diet
Competitors in the 2016 Summer Olympics in Rio, Brazil will have to go through more tests than any event to date. "We do not want there to be any cheating here", says Spokesman Fabio Guaray. "If you plan to cheat, stay home. You will embarrass you...
Read full storyLarry King Buys A Viagra Factory
NEW YORK CITY - Larry King, co-host of The Viagra View, has just revealed that he's purchased a Viagra factory located in Altoona, Pennsylvania. The 80-year-old stated that he had been thinking about purchasing a Viagra factory for the past three...
Read full storyMore Pathetic Letters To The Problem Page
Dear Sir, I write in the hope that you might sympathise with my plight. For none of mine aquaintance could be expected to proffer aught but brickbats, opprobrium or the cold shoulder. You see, I have somehow acquired the reputation for being a bringer of ill-fortune. "Get away!" they cry. "Why haunteth thou me thus?" If I was a young man, I would have run away to sea long ago. Your...
Read full storyAuntie Jean advises Mr. Completely whose arse is superglued to a toilet seat in McDonalds
Mr. Completely asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am trapped in a McDonalds toilet in Liverpool with my arse well and truly superglued to the porcelain W.C. Someone spread the glue all over the W.C. and like a fool I just sat down on it. I am permanently welded to the toilet bowl now and what's worse is that there's no door on the cubicle and I nipped into the women's loo as the men's was full.
Read full storyMy Friend, You're Letting Your Wife Walk All Over You
I know we don't know each other, but I can tell already who wears the pants in your house. Why, I just sidled up to your wife and made a clever remark and here she is talking to me like we've been best buds since college, and what are you doing? Nothing, just as I expected. Even the guy next to you sees what a little twerp you are. He's ignoring you just like your wife is. How does that make y...
Read full storyThe New York Knicks Have Barred Megyn Kelly From Attending Any of Their Games
NEW YORK CITY - The New York Knicks have listened to the majority of their fans and they have decided to make a decision regarding a comment recently made by FOX News talking head Megyn Kelly. Kelly remarked on national television that Santa Claus...
Read full storyCarrie Underwood Responds To The Russell Brand Rumors
NASHVILLE - Carrie Underwood makes it a point to mention during all of her concert performances that she is happily married to professional hockey player Mike Fisher. The Oklahoma singer stated that she hates when people refer to Mike as Mr. Carri...
Read full storyJustin Bieber Going Bald?
A Google Street View has been blown up and it confirms a recent rumor being passed around that no fan wanted to be true. Justin Bieber is going bald. The video shows Bieber with an unknown lady walking by and wearing a cap when a puff of wind blew...
Read full storySelena Gomez Says Justin Bieber Is The Reason She Cancelled Her Australian Concert Tour
BEVERLY HILLS - Selena Gomez, who is 21, has just announced that she has decided to cancel her upcoming tour of Australia. The former Disney star who appeared in the hit show The Wizards of Waverly Place talked to Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywo...
Read full storyDolly Parton Explains Why She's Putting Half A Dozen of Her Bras Up On eBay
BOISE, Idaho - Dolly Parton performed to a standing room only crowd at The Mashed Potatoes Arena in Boise and she said she loved every potato-pickin' moment of it. The 67-year-old queen of country music was asked backstage by Chipper Caruso with C...
Read full storyMegyn Kelly Defends Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson - Says Most Gays Are White
NEW YORK CITY - FOX News reporter Megyn Kelly who has been involved in a bit of a brouhaha herself lately, said in an interview with GOPicky Magazine that Duck Dynasty's Phil Robertson is being unfairly judged. Kelly stated that Robertson did not...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Agrees To Appear On An Episode of Duck Dynasty
HOLLYWOOD - The management agency that handles Miley Cyrus has just confirmed that the controversial singer has agreed to guest star on an upcoming episode of the hit cable show Duck Dynasty. Miley spoke with Fajita San Guacamole of Hollywood Innu...
Read full storyWoody Allen Victim of Exploding E-Cigar
Actor and Producer Woody Allen was apparently the victim of a joke but no one will admit to having pulled it off. Knowing Woody's curiosity, some of his band mates (he plays clarinet with some friends) were discussing how great the new e-cigarett...
Read full storyScientists State That There Are Cattle On Saturn
CARPINTERIA, California - Two of America's leading scientists were speaking at an assembly of Planetary Science students at Left Coast College. Dr. Heinrich Von Heinrich and Dr. Currington S. Clexweiser revealed an astounding fact to the students...
Read full storyAuntie Jean advises Eric Shun - on holiday in Wales
Eric Shun asks Auntie Jean::Auntie Jean, I have accidentally come on holiday to Wales by getting on the wrong train. Is there anything I can do to stop clinical depression setting in? Auntie Jean answers:Eric, 1) Be optimistic, try to think that something will turn up. 2) Add up all the little joyful things that happen to you during the day. For example, there was no traffic on the road, you...
Read full storyPutin-topping fantasies dominate London's Russian elite
London, UK - A poll of 1,000 London-based Russian businessmen with a personal net worth of between $20 and $250million has revealed their Top 10 favorite dinner party talking points ahead of the Russian Winter Olympics. "At pole position is the p...
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