Fat Men Are Better Lovers
Put down the sushi and grab a Big Mac, fries and a shake: Researchers at McDonalds have finished a yearlong study that correlated body fat with male sexual prowess. Their findings may surprise you: Fat men were able to make love for an average of...Read full story
Angelina Jolie Reveals The Real Reason Why She Is Looking So Anorexic
PARIS - Angelina Jolie was spotted in a popular Parisian grocery store and those who saw her could not believe how utterly skinny she has gotten. Some whispered behind her back that she looks like Calista Flockhart. Others said she is starting to...Read full story
George Dubya Bush says he spoke to God to urge crazy Florida pastor to cancel Koran-burning in exchange for imam cancelling Ground Zero mosque. Tea Baggers claim they saved America!
NEW YORK, NEW YORK: What a difference a day makes - 24 little hours...so goes a popular song. But we're not just singing tunes here. For the past 2 days we have witnessed a flurry of activity with rabid Muslims all over the world going berserk as a...Read full story
Sarah Palin Convinces Florida Minister Not To Burn Koran!
In Gainesville, Florida the leader of a small church that is anti-Islamic has backed down on his threat to burn copies of the Koran. "I give full credit to Sarah Palin for this because she's the reason I've called it off." Pastor Terry Jones sa...Read full story
Rodney King To Marry Juror That Awarded Him Millions Of Dollars!
According to the latest news coming out of California, Rodney King, who was awarded nearly four million dollars by jurors almost 20 years ago, is getting married to one of the jurors. Most people remember the horrible pics of policemen beating Kin...Read full story
Scientologists protest book burning
In California, a group of Scientologists have today protested against a Florida church which plans to burn copies of their holiest book, "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard. The Florida church are creationists, and they say that "Dianetics" is an evil b...Read full story
Necrophilia to be taught in schools
The government announced today a controversial list of new subjects to be taught in schools in an effort to improve the youth of Britain's sex education. Among the subjects to be added to the new GCSE curriculum will be Autoerotic Asphyxiation, Ex...Read full story
Road Trip - The Movie ?
There have been several press reports lately that Robert Pattinson, shadow Tim Sturridge and another friend, have been on the road. They have been seen at several stops on their way driving down from LA to, possibly New Orleans, where Kristen Stewart...Read full story
Susan Boyle Denied Permission To Sing Lou Reed's Song "Perfect Day" Proving Reed Is Nothing But A Low-Life, Washed Up, Has-Been
HOLLYWOOD - Susan Boyle was all set to sing the song "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent, and all of a sudden out of the blue she was derailed by the song's writer. It seems that the author of the song, someone named Lou Reed just does not like...Read full story
Lou Reed Pulls Plug on Susan Boyle Performance
Poor Susan Boyle. She can't catch a break these days. In fact, ever since she's become a superstar, she's been the butt of plenty of jokes and the target of satirists on both sides of the pond. The latest news out of Los Angeles is that Boyle was...Read full story
And It's Down To 4 Acts On America's Got Talent: Prince Poppycock, Jackie Evancho, Michael Grimm, and Fighting Gravity
HOLLYWOOD - Well it has finally come down to the "Final Four." And unlike the NCAA Basketball Finals, there is not a basketball in sight. What we do have is a sensational little ten-year-old girl, Jackie Evancho; a porcelain makeup opera singer, P...Read full story
Britney Spears' bodyguard wouldn't have sex with her, was he "Gay"?
Britney Spear's ex-bodyguard is suing the Diva because he claims he was sexually harassed. Britney flaunted her naked body in front of Mr.Flores many times, in her bedroom, in the living room, in fact anywhere where Mr. Flores was Britney flaunted...Read full story
Wayne Rooney found dumped in wheelie bin.
Soccer RAT Wayne Rooney was found dumped inside a council wheelie bin yesterday and the culprit has been caught in the act on CCTV Coleen Rooney, a local housewife stayed tight-lipped about the incident as she went shopping in Liverpool. The 2...Read full story
Mad Bastard Says - Burn Our Flags And We'll Burn Your Books - It's A Two Way Street
Mad bastard market trader, Johnny O'Hat today expressed his utter disbelief that Muslim communities around the world should take exception to a few copies of the Koran being burned in public by a madcap Florida Pastor. O'Hat complained that Muslim...Read full story
FBI Raids Unemployment Office! Arrests Made for Canadian Quarter, Balls of Lint.
Philadelphia, PA (BNSE): Agents from the Federal Bureau of Investigations, Department of Homeland Security, and SWAT teams from around the are descended on a local unemployment office after a random security sweep uncovered "terrorist paraphernalia...Read full story
New England Quarterback Brady In Car Wreck!
Tom Brady of the New England Patriots was involved in a two-car wreck this morning and, although the hospital thinks that he's OK, some bad effects could show up later as the wreck was pretty bad. Witnesses said he appeared shaken, but the team sa...Read full story
BNP Advise Florida Pastor To Use Kindling And Dry Matches To Spark The Koran Burning Fire
This story is probably a complete load of old bullshit, but here at Skoob News Inc. we've heard that members of the British National Party have been advising Pastor Terry Jones that if he wants to burn copies of sacred Islamic text, the Koran, that h...Read full story
Vitamin B prevents Alzheimers, "sorry what did you say?"
Vitamin B has now been proven to prevent the brain shrinking and delay Alzheimers, "sorry what was that vitamin called?" Scientists have been testing Vitamin B on people first showing sympons of forgetfullness, "excuse me where am I?" The resul...Read full story
Amy Winehouse Mad Over Craigslist Dropping Adult Services!
One person who thinks that Craigslist should have never given in and pulled their 'Adult Services' is singer Amy Winehouse. "The one place you can meet all those interesting people and they shut it down!", lamented Winehouse. "Where will I ever fi...Read full story
Woman Wears Clothes, Walks along Platform
CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - A thin, androgynously-attractive woman in her late teens strode purposefully yet vulnerably down a narrow walkway in a softly-lit room filled with wealthy people on Tuesday night, sources have confirmed. Displaying confidence and...Read full story
Apple Win Half of Newark Man's Belongings in Landmark Divorce Case
NEW JERSEY - Bringing to an end the unprecedented case of Apple v. Smitson, presiding Judge Mark Windleson ruled yesterday that Apple is entitled to half of Andy Smitson's possessions or an equivalent monetary value. Speaking from outside the cour...Read full story
Samsung Developing LD Technology for Fourth Quarter
HONG KONG - Korean electronics giant Samsung has given the press a glimpse of its upcoming products by demonstrating its innovative LD (or "Lower Definition") technology to a packed crowd of industry experts at the 2010 Tech Expo. Displayed alongside...Read full story
Man Discovers Lost City of Atlantis at Bottom of Beer
O'HARE'S PUB, NEW YORK - Martin Coweson, a mine worker from Fort Frolic, sent shockwaves throughout the archaeology world with his uncovering of the fabled sunken city of Atlantis in the dregs of his 500ml bottle of Budweiser at 2am last Saturday mor...Read full story
NBA Unveils New "Slam Dunkin' Donuts" Food Line
NBA HEADQUARTERS, CALIFORNIA - As part of their Autumn product range, NBA Marketing have revealed the result of their new partnership with Dunkin' Donuts: a variety of basketball-inspired sugary treats. The tasty confections will be available in Dunk...Read full story
Military Surge into Area Man's Fridge Secures another Victory against Hunger
WASHINGTON - As part of the US Military's ongoing campaign against low rations, a squad of highly-trained soldiers launched a tactical strike on Washington native David Turtle's fridge at 0600 hours Monday morning. The plans were drawn up two months...Read full story
Otherwise Normal Man Cannot Stop Assessing Structural Stability of Surroundings
SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH - Citing a lifelong concern with security as a possible explanation, local man Tom Gallant has explained that he is unable to prevent himself from judging the quality of nearby buildings and items even when social norms would pre...Read full story
Sports Team Incorrectly Attributes Win to Heart and Determination
CLEVELAND, OHIO - The Ohio Sharks yesterday won their eleventh straight game with a devastating display of skill and strength against the visiting Alaska Salmons. Forward Andre Wendle was the standout as he fought through a committed defence to score...Read full story
Desperate Advertising Executives Pretend That Deodorant Technology Has Meaningfully Progressed
WALMART CONVENTION CENTRE, NEW YORK-The lead presentation team at advertising firm Johnson and Smith unveiled Right Guard's Autumn line of odor-disguising sprays today to a rapturous reception from their peers in the world of marketing. Developed in...Read full story
Tony's tale: Former UK PM's Autobiography Includes Dialog from Mamma Mia
LONDON - "We danced on the beach, kissed on the beach and dot, dot, dot." Queen Elizabeth says to Tony Blair when she meets him on his first day in office, according to "A Journey: My Political Life", Mr. Blair's new memoir. "There were three guys ar...Read full story
Local Chav gets bummed senseless by own pit bull
A 17 year old chav has told how he thought he was going to die during a horrific bumming that left him with an inability to walk straight, but has cleared his speech impediment right up. The boy, who would rather be referred to as a "man" but has...Read full story
Todd Palin, Starved for Attention, Takes up Karaoke
Ever since Sarah Palin was plucked from her boring day job as Governor of Alaska and thrust upon the national psyche like a bag of frozen fries in a fresh batch of corn oil, her family has been missing her something fierce. No one more than her husba...Read full story
Phone Hacking - Cloussot Investigates
David Cameron's, adviser, Andy Cloussot, has been given the job of getting to the bottom of phone hacking allegations. 'As editor of the News of the World and driver of investigative journalism at the paper you must know how this system operates'...Read full story
Mercedes Dealers, Yacht Brokers Gearing up for Banner Year if Republicans Win
Those in the business of selling luxury items to wealthy Americans have never really seen a downturn in their profits. Even with Obama in office and the Democrats doing everything they can to try and shift the economic tide away from the uber riche,...Read full story
Rooney third-string hooker: Coleen family 'mad at World Cup gambling losses'
Manchester - (Mug Punter News): Yet another seedy Rooney slapper pitched in today claiming World Cup gambling losses 'have sent the McLoughlin family mental'. Alleged Roo third string Samii Darnley claimed Wayne's screwing around with pro spread-l...Read full story
The Much Anticipated Karissa Shannon Sex Tape Is Coming!
LOS ANGELES - one of the most widely anticipated sex tapes in recent memory will soon become available. The sex tape features Playboy playmate, and ex-Hugh Hefner girlfriend Karissa Shannon with her new boyfriend Sam Jones, III, as in Sam "The Bro...Read full story
Silent Witness stars blast the American CSI shows
William Gaminara and Tom Ward who play Leo Dalton and Harry Cunningham in the hit BBC crime drama Silent Witness have blasted their American counterpart show, CSI for being unrealistic. Gaminara was speaking at the Soap Awards when he made his com...Read full story
Alan Sugar exploiting 'tax-loophole'? Under investigation?
It has been reported today that Alan Sugar may be investigated for possible tax-evasion. It is claimed that Baron Sugar of Clapton has been exploiting a dubious tax-loophole since 2008 and may have underpaid hundreds of thousands of pounds of tax...Read full story
How Gordy bedevilled the PM: Blair tells all
Former United Kingdom PM Tony Blair has revealed that former Chancellor of the Exchequer, Gordon Brown, was completely obsessed with usurping Blair's leadership and taking on the role he so jealously coveted: Prime Minister. Blair claimed that at...Read full story
Pastor Terry Jones offers compromise over planned Koran-burning day
In view of the international condemnation resulting from plans to burn copies of the Koran on the anniversary of September 11, US Pastor Terry Jones, has suggested that he may be willing to compromise. 'We set out to make a statement', explained T...Read full story
The Wild, the Innocent and the LAX shuttle
So, our Scottish superstar has returned to the UK, via LAX, in tears after a knockback from Lou Reed. So what? Susan, your fans adore you and you can now concentrate on your performance for the Pope. That will most certainly be your "Perfect Day."...Read full story
New Canadian 3D Speed Bump Outside Junior School Increases the Accident Rate but is a Massive hit with Kiddie-Fiddlers.
School Gates Clogged as Optical Illusion Draws Spectators from Miles Around. An elementary school in West Vancouver has caused a sensation after painting the illusion of a little girl chasing a ball in the middle of the street outside. The paintin...Read full story
Burn Blair memoir instead Brits urge US pastor
Gainesville, Florida - (Bonfire of the Insanities Mess): US pastor Terry Jones has been urged by British protestors to burn Tony Blair's memoir instead of the Muslim holy book this Saturday. The International Burn A Koran Day loony has been offer...Read full story
Isle of Wight Excitement Over Johnny Depp Visit
Hollywood fever gripped the Island yesterday when Johnny Depp was reported to be visiting Alum Park and the Needles. The Pirates of the Caribbean star was said to have been seen around lunch time with his French pop singer wife Vanessa Paradis, pr...Read full story
The Labour Party and Socialist Ideology for the non working class.
London, England: Labour supports the concept, that makes the poor poorer! For years the shameless Labour Party and Socialist ideologists have simply thrown money at the ostensibly indolent, whilst espousing the familiar rhetoric about reducing po...Read full story
Shock: Dog The Bounty Hunter Chokes On Treat
In a sensational twist of irony, Dog the Bounty Hunter was rushed to hospital this morning after choking on the chocolatey coconut treat of the same name. The bronzed, toned star of the hit show was giving a rousing speech to his fellow colleague...Read full story
Larry King to become "The Stig" on all new "Top Gear USA"
Piers Morgan was unveiled as the new host of one of American's biggest talk shows last night. The Britain's Got Talent judge replaces Larry King Live on CNN from January. Larry King will also be moving on to pastures new, by taking up the highly b...Read full story
Police Blotter Reports from Pahookee, Florida
Sheriff deputies responded today to a remote trailer park after receiving a 911 call regarding a suspected illegal entry. When they arrived a young female, 26, said she had been tricked into having sex with a stranger after he told her he was her lon...Read full story
On Offending People
The only message about religion which will not offend someone is Yes, silence. So I won't say anything about 12 million pounds of tax payers money being spent on the visit of the Pope. That might offend tax payers who, thankfully, do not agree with the Pope's views on contraception, women, gays and priests having to take vows which endanger young people. I won't say anything about a pas...Read full story
Biden: Obama Not as 'Clean' as I Thought
WASHINGTON--Vice President Joe Biden, revisiting one of the most infamous remarks of his short-lived run for the presidency in 2007, says he's having second thoughts about whether Barack Obama is in fact "clean" for a black guy. "I said back then...Read full story
Taliban to Burn Copies of Life of Brian in Response to Terry Jones "Burn a Koran Day" Threat
And now for something completely different... Terry Jones - former member of the Monty Python comedy team who has since swapped the Ministry of Silly Walks and the Ministry of Arguments for the Ministry of God - is now facing retaliatory action fr...Read full story
9/11 Koran burning: Tony bLIAR calls on US pastor to burn his 'Journey' book instead!
Washington DC: Former Prime Minister Tony bLIAR issued a plea to an American clergyman not to go ahead with his plan to burn copies of the Koran on September 11. In a 'spirit' of negotiation Tony bLIARr has called on the US pastor to burn his newly...Read full story
Susan Boyle calls Lou Reed a "durty sassenach" because he won't let her sing his song "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent
Scots singer Susan Boyle burst into tears and started cursing at people at Los Angeles because Lou Reed refused to allow her to sing his song "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent. The 49-year old prima donna, who was the runner up in the British...Read full story
Britney Spears Causes Massive Black Hole To Appear
Britney Spears, the starlet turned trailer trash, has been accused of inadvertently opening up a huge black hole in her own home in Los Angeles. Fernando Flores, her now ex-bodyguard, has filed a lawsuit against the fallen star, for endangering hi...Read full story
Radical Christian Group to burn Stephen Hawking's book - Al Hawking leadership warns of reprisals
Angry at Professor Hawking's assertion that the creation of the universe can be explained without the need for God, a radical Christian group in America has announced that it will burn his book 'A Brief History of Time and Space'. The Rev Terry Jo...Read full story
Rooney Girls Told To Shut Up!
So-called "newspaper" the Daily Mirror is reporting today that other vice girls are urging the two tarts at the centre of the Wayne Rooney scandal to "put a sock in it." The Mirror's report comes a whole day after rumours broke that prostitutes we...Read full story
Vince Cable Unveils Science Spending Cuts Plan
The coalition government's Business Secretary Vince Cable has unveiled a miraculous plan for a squeeze on public funding for scientific research, which will completely eradicate the need for ANY cash: don't do scientific research. He urged univers...Read full story
Derek Acorah visits Altrincham
Derek Acorah, the mighty oak of a celebrity psychic that blossomed from the tiny acorn of a Liverpudlian medium, arrived in Altrincham, Cheshire, today, hot on the heels of the news that listed Altrincham as the countries biggest ghost town. His o...Read full story
Formula 1 "Team Orders Rule" to be Americanised
Milton Keynes: A hastily arranged meeting held at the Red Bull Conference facilities in the land of Horizontal and Vertical roads has developed new rules proposed by the FIA for the 2012 Formula 1 season. According to sources at meeting secretly a...Read full story
Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Winner Abused By Bonkers
There were ugly scenes outside the Who Wants To Be A Millionaire studios this week when an angry couple confronted a winner as she left the building. In an episode to be shown in two weeks, Gemma Invoice managed to walk away with £250,000. After c...Read full story
Florida Pastor Who Plans on Burning Qurans on 9/11 Claims He is Being Discriminated Against
Terry Jones, aka honorary Doctor Terry Jones, claims that ever since he made the public announcement that he planned on burning several copies of the Muslim holy book, the Quran, on the anniversary of 9/11, he has been dogged by the media trying to m...Read full story
Koran Book-Burning Event Will Go Ahead
A US pastor who has organised a fund-raising book-burning event, says he is not "backing down" from plans to burn copies of the Koran on the anniversary of 9/11, despite international outrage. Terry Jones, of the Dove World Outreach Centre in Flor...Read full story
FlashForward Coming Back to Prime Time this Fall
According to producers of the one-season wonder television show FlashForward, it is believed that the show has been rescheduled to appear for another season. Fans from all over America want to believe the show is coming back and this may have somethi...Read full story
Lady Gaga Gets Makeup Tips from Raccoons Invading NYC
There have been so many raccoons spotted in New York City lately that a bill has been introduced in the City Council requiring the city to be responsible for trapping these uninvited visitors. But where some see a menace, entertainer Lady Ga...Read full story
Kat Von D Is "Ashamed" of Mexican Heritage, Relationship With Jesse James
Tattooed butter-face Katherine Dumpkoff -- known to those with meth addictions and basic cable as Kat Von D-- says that she is "ashamed" to be dating Jesse James, and is ashamed as well of her Mexican and Argentinian heritage. "Yeah, Von D is shor...Read full story
Douchebag Judge Insults Famous Actress Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi At Trial
"You're just a wannabe LiLo," Judge tells Jersey Shore's Snooki as she's fined $500 for disturbing others on the beach. Justice was perverted today as a Seaside Heights Municipal Court Judge fined Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi $500 and ordered her to pe...Read full story
Jennifer Thompson To Service More England Players
Jennifer Thompson, the 21-year-old Bolton strumpet who recently broke into the headlines after sitting on Wayne Rooney's face, has been drafted into Fabio Capello's squad for the rest of the Euro 2012 qualifying campaign. She is to work closely wi...Read full story
Helen Wood, Jennifer Thompson And Wayne Rooney Threesome Revelations Surface
This is just gossip. Nobody really gives a flying eff at a rotating doughnut whether Wayne Rooney had a threesome with Manchester based prostitutes Helen Wood and Jennifer 'Juicy Jenny' Thompson. It seems that the nation has come to regard such an...Read full story
Jennifer Thompson's Dad Says He Won't Cash In Because His Hooker Daughter Screwed Wayne Rooney At The Lowry - Apologises To Coleen
The father of Wayne Rooney sex scandal hooker Jennifer Thompson has denied that he will make any attempt to cash in on the fact that his daughter has knobbed a number of Premiership footballers for money. Hamish Thompson insists that his family wi...Read full story
North Korea Buys Hussein's Hamburger Heaven Chain
Pyongyang NK: Kim Jong il announced today that Hussein's Hamburger Heaven (HHH) chain of fast food restaurants has been sold by the mistress of the late Saddam Hussein to North Korea. The deal is valued at $2.5 billion. The HHH chain has shops i...Read full story
Gay Activists In SF Strike Blow for Freedom of Choice after Condom Machines Placed in Jail
Jail enforcement officials in San Francisco finally gave in today to gay activist demands that condom machines be installed in the city jails, a victory the Rainbow Warriors said was 'a blow for Human Rights!" The 16 condom machines dispensing 6 t...Read full story