Marxist Chav Britain: X Factor 2010 episode 3, an on-stage punch-up!
ITV Studios, England: 75 years ago Britain ran most of the World, how the mighty fallen have fallen. Arise, Chavs of Britain! "Little Britain" wasn't a contrived picture of Britain, as ghastly and abhorrent behaviour has become the 'norm'. The X...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars: Maksim Chmerkovskiy Says He'll Yell At Brandy But Promises He Will Not Hit Her
HOLLYWOOD - The Russian born Maksim Chmerkovskiy, 28, who is known as "The Bad Boy of The Ballroom" on the hit reality show Dancing With The Stars says that he is really looking forward to working with his new celeb partner Brandy. And he has alre...Read full story
Cable News Networks Declared Disaster Area
WASHINGTON, DC - William Craig Fugate, Administrator of the Federal Emergency Management Agency declared all four cable news networks (CNN, MSNBC, Fox News and some other anonymous network) a Federal Disaster Area after they screwed the pooch on thei...Read full story
UK politicians are having a hard time
Our ever so kind, ex Glorious Leader, Gordon Brown is back with us. Maybe he can use his renowned debating skills to shit in the nest of the new Government? Then again, maybe not. Gordon, it seems, is devoting himself to championing the underdog,...Read full story
Kara DioGuardi Says She Is Resigning From American Idol One Month After She Was Actually Fired!
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Songwriter and former judge on the reality show American Idol Kara DioGuardi held a press conference to announce that she has decided that she does not want to return for another season as judge on American Idol. DioGuardi thanke...Read full story
SuBo fanatics camp out!
Susan Boyle red scarf wearing fanatical loonies have today starting getting in line to buy SuBo's new CD, despite it not being scheduled for release for several months. Red tents have started appearing outside music stores all over the US. "I just...Read full story
Dancing With The Stars: David "Tipsy" Hasselhoff Already Making Goo Goo Eyes At His Partner Kym Johnson
HOLLYWOOD - A Dancing With The Stars insiders has revealed that ex-Baywatch star, and ex-America's Got Talent judge David Hasselhoff is already starting to let his male libido interfere with his assigned job. And his assigned job is to win this se...Read full story
Delay in Raising BP Blowhard Preventer
Gulf of Mexico - (UpStream Mess): Cruise met delays on Saturday during a delay to hoisting the 10-ton blowhard preventer that failed to avert disaster headlines from spewing out of the Gulf of Mexico. Orders from on high not to damage or drop a v...Read full story
Common types like shouting in public, report reveals.
A report just released suggests that people from housing estates talk louder in the street than for instance, someone from a leafy suburb. According to the study there is a direct correlation between how well to do you are and the volume at which...Read full story
BP: "Buddy, Could You Spare a Dime?"
The press corps was shocked yesterday when the CEO of BP Oil appeared at the lectern. He was dressed in torn and shabby clothes. His wife was with him in a dirty and frayed cotton house dress. His children looked straight out of Charles Dickens.Read full story
Nick Clegg to be executed after the Queen plays "Shag, marry or push off a cliff"
Nick Clegg's days as deputy prime-minister are numbered. In fact his days are numbered full stop after the queen issued a warrant for his execution. Apparently Her Majesty had been playing drinking games with David Cameron and Russell Brand (don't...Read full story
Pakistan to be renamed "Taliban Ocean" - but don't eat the fish
The United Nations has accepted a recommendation from the Scientific Committee on Oceanic Research that Pakistan should be reclassified as an inland sea and given the name the Taliban Ocean. It is hoped that one of the largest natural disasters in...Read full story
Lesbian satanists suspected in Sussex golf course murder
Sussex - (OMG! Mess): An unidentifiable, bady burnt body was discovered today between the 17th and 18th holes at the Dyke Golf Club, Devil's Dyke Road, Brighton. Police say the corpse had been chopped up a bit and then set on fire in what some loc...Read full story
Pikey County Amish elders 'shuffled paedo perv just like the Vatican'
Missouri - (Amishionary Position): Senior Amish community members ran around like headless chickens not knowing how to deal with paedo pervert Chester Mast, according to reports from the USA. The Pikey (sic) County (sic) father-of-two has now bee...Read full story
Young horse to be invited to join the government - which will be henceforth called the foal-ition
David Cameron has been true to his word about introducing a new style of politics. His latest move (gimmick? No surely not)is to ask a young horse to join the government. "I am excited about this move" Said Mr Cameron whilst he repeated patent lea...Read full story
Govt will get Jamie Oliver to leave Britain - with promise of fake TV show in America
Potty-mouthed TV chef Jamie Oliver is definitely leaving the country, it has been announced. Oliver, who spends most of his time criticising people for the food they eat, has been offered a "TV show" in America, it has been revealed. However, what he...Read full story
Bob Sponge Square Pants invited to join government - which will henceforth be called the coral-ition
David Cameron has become increasingly desperate in finding the right people to join his coalition government - in order to address the issues facing his government. The latest recruit is badly drawn, unrealistic , annoying cartoon character - Bob Spo...Read full story
It's a shame being gay is not what it used to be, not in a "gay" way (sorry Skoob!).
Once upon a time, a long, long time ago being gay was something totally different. What a shame that this wonderful, positive, jolly, merry word has been adopted by the Homo fraternity. Here are just a few examples of what acting gay was in historical terms: San Francisco (where?) in the sixties with the flower power Hippies were so jolly, free and very gay (so what's changed, quiz time?).Read full story
George Michael - "I'm NOT gay, I was just stoned"
George Michael has admitted that despite previous claims, he is actually NOT gay and has in fact just been stoned for 10 years. Asked if he was certain - given his track record of overt gayness - he said "I'm not just certain, I'm HIV positive."...Read full story
Whores Outraged as Craigslist Deletes Rub & Tug Ads
"Look, this is the way I feed my kids," cries Mistress Alahna, who clearly didn't pay attention in high school. "How am I going to meet up with men who pay me to tug on their junk?" Much to the chagrin to Comic-con season ticket holders, apartment...Read full story
Twittertweenies control Big Brother 11 - Condem coalition can learn from TeamTeenager
As Big Brother exits the house for the last time ever a phenomenon in organised block voting should be recognised. This story is so explosive that it must be handed over to Skoob Entertainment News for detailed investigation. Even the ConDem...Read full story
George Bush Almost Finished Drawing His Autobiography
George W. Bush has almost finished drawing his autobiography, says Bush's publisher Marvel Comics. The comic book producer landed the coveted book contract with the former president shortly after he left office in January, 2009. Marvel said Bush chos...Read full story
Perfectly Good Eggs Hurled at Tony Blair at Book Signing
Unlike the eggs in America where you get sick now just by looking at them, let alone handling or eating them, the eggs that were hurled at Tony Blair at his very first book signing in Dublin, Ireland were perfectly edible. This led some to question t...Read full story
Stench: Chapter 5
We got our hands on a truck and began trudging up the coast to Mahajanga. Sebastian was reluctant to let me drive but as he was hammered on toaka gasy, it made the best sense. Well... until I ran over a heard of goats. I may have been a bit squiffed, hammered, swacked, high, boiled, drunk, inebriated, you get the idea, I was happy. He was a little pissed but as I mentioned earlier, Aye-Ayes are te...Read full story
Government "apolgetic" Over Commons Re-branding
LONDON: The Deputy Prime Minister has apologised on behalf of the Government to members of Parliment by e-mail this afternoon as his last act as Acting Prime Minister ready for David Cameron to return Monday morning. The apology comes after detail...Read full story
Rattner Book Exposes F*cking Obscenities in God-Damned White House
Excerpts from Steve Rattner's new book on the auto bailouts by the Obama administration upset many Democrats. Rattner, who headed President Obama's auto task force for 120 days, has written a first-hand account of the auto rescues called "Overhaul...Read full story
Senate Committee to Subpoena Mother Nature
WASHINGTON, DC - Senate Homeland Security and Government Affairs chairman Joseph I. Lieberman issued a subpoena for Mother Nature to explain why Hurricane Earl failed to cause substantial damage as predicted by most cable news networks. "The feder...Read full story
President Unveils New Stimulus Plan That is Twice As Good As Last One
WASHINGTON, DC - President Obama released his new Advanced Stimulus System (ASS), that he touts as "twice as good as the last plan". Although the details of the plan won't be released until next week, he outlined the cost and the benefits: "Wh...Read full story
MI6 codebreaker cops hunt missing Russian spy ring bagman Christopher Metsos
London - (Spy Who Bagged Me News): Was missing Russian spy ring bagman Christopher Metsos using an Alderney Street rubbish recycling bin as a secret dead letter drop? "We just don't know," London cops said today amid rumors that MI6 cryptographer...Read full story
England Bus Three Months Late
The bus taking the England team to the match against Bulgaria on Friday was three months overdue. The driver explained that he was having his tea break. 'You don't realise that if you don't have a decent break between journeys it can put all the p...Read full story
The Kidnap of Tony Blair Story surfaces once again
The strange story of "The Kidnap of Tony Blair" has surfaced once again. This is a story that was dismissed by the Government way back in 2001, but now with the publication of Tony Blair's Memoirs, rumours have again begun to circulate. Insiders...Read full story
iPod User Sues Apple for His Hearing Loss
After listening to music cranked on his iPod regularly for four years, John Stevens has suffered irreparable hearing loss and he contends Apple and its iconic music player are to blame. "Apple and its iPod player made listening to music wherever,...Read full story
Women Rubbish At Football - Official.
Women's groups are furious with boffins who are to publish research that proves men are better at football than women. Scientists at Washington University, St Louis, USA, have found that kicking activates certain hip and leg muscles in men but not...Read full story
H&R Block Bullsh-ts its Way Through Their Q2 Earnings Call. (Part 1)
H&R Block broke it to The Street that they were posting a loss of 40 cents a share during their Earnings conference call. Here is the transcript of the call, complete with translation (in red): H&R Block CEO-du-jour Alan Bennett: Earlier today we reported our first quarter net loss from continuing operations improve to $0.36 per share prior to a $0.04 per share charge for severance...Read full story
William Hague is not "gay'' he just likes a bit of variety, camp!
The "gay" allegations surrounding William Hague are totally without any foundations apart from the fact that he slept with his male assistant in the same bed once and that certainly doesn't mean he's "gay" or does it? John Lennon once slept with Brian Epstein to test if he would like it (sex with a man) he didn't and maybe Hague didn't like it either (or?). After all of the problems he's had...Read full story
Cheryl Cole Divorce - It's All Over
Cheryl Cole must have been left feeling a little distraught yesterday as news filtered through that she has finally succeeded in divorcing love-rat England full back Ashley. Indeed. As Ashley fannied about to little effect in the England v Bulg...Read full story
Justin Bieber In Hair Wash Disaster - Shock Horror!
Terrible news just in from SEN's Buffty Ginslinger - apparently Canadian man/boy Justin Bieber - who likes having his picture taken alongside older, sexy women, like Kim Kardashian - had a hair wash disaster last night. Buffty relates that Justin...Read full story
Crapped Coffee Now At $770 Kg In London Draws Dung Farmers
People who are crazy for the world's most expensive coffee, found half digested in the shit of the wild civet, fear that its unique taste will be completely spoiled by the poop farmers who are trying to cage and raise the wild civets to get their poo...Read full story
Tiger Woods Marries Rachel Uchitel!
You would have thought that Tiger Woods would have waited a decent amount of time between his official divorce with now former wife Elin Nordegren, but he apparently was in a hurry and good judgment is not one of Tiger's noted specialties of late.Read full story
Taylor Lautner Signs For Mozart's Blood?
The latest big news out of Hollywood is that there will be a movie based on the bestseller, 'Mozart's Blood' and that Taylor Lautner will co-star in it. The book is the latest read and it involves around a 400-year-old Vampire Romance! Lautner, wh...Read full story
Kirstie Alley's Neighbors Are Furious Because The Actress Has Two Dozen Pets and Virtually Lives In A Freakin' Zoo
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Kirstie Alley's neighbors are up in arms. It seems that the 409 pound celebrity has managed to amass a total of 25 different pets and they literally roam around her property and the inside of her once-exquisite house. A neighbor...Read full story
Jesse James Is Infatuated With New Gal Pal Kat Von D's Tattooed Body
LONG BEACH, California - The man whom many once referred to as Mr. Sandra Bullock has finally shown that he can smile. After months and months of walking around with an inbred mope on his face, the man now known as the ex-Mr. Sandra Bullock seems...Read full story
The Comfort of a Knowledge of a Rise Above The Sky but Could Never Parallel the Challenge of an Acquisition in the Here And Now...
If fame, fortune and popularity were doled out fairly and equitably, based exclusively upon merit, Paris Hilton would be giving handies for crack, the entire cast of the Harry Potter movies would be banished to Hades, and Letters to Cleo singer Kay Hanley would be considered the voice of a generation. But they're not. Letters to Cleo formed in and around the Boston club circuit at the end of...Read full story