Heaven Institutes Two Drink Minimum for Comedy Shows. "Our List Of Comics Has Improved In The Last Month."
The Lord Jesus Christ has announced that Heaven's comedy club, Giggles At The Heaven Holiday Inn, will institute a two-drink minimum for the 8:30pm and 11:00pm shows. The 5:00pm "Giggles Buffet" show will remain cover charge and drink minimum-free...Read full story
Shocking! New-York Based Roast Comedian Dead After... Wait for it... A Drug Overdose.
Prescription-drug dealers throughout Queens County, NY are in shock over the death of a local roast-based comedian, after the funnyman died from a drug overdose. The comedian died today --sources report he was in his mid-forties-- just a few da...Read full story
Sluggish United Snatch One-Nil In Valencia
Champions League - Mestalla - Valencia, Espania - Manchester United completed a smash and grab on Valencia here tonight, with a late strike from substitute Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez, who took his goal from a 'Kiko' Macheda pass. The game itse...Read full story
Bush Vows to 'Re-icify' North Pole
Crawford, TX -- The fight for a more eco-friendly society may have just snared an unlikely champion. Former U.S. president, George W. Bush, during a press conference at his ranch yesterday afternoon promised to return the North Pole ice cap to its fo...Read full story
George W - London Mayoral Election Update 6
A leaked CIA document released under the Freedom of Information Act shows that London Mayoral candidate George W claims to have been abducted by aliens. At the time CIA staff put it down either to an overfondness for root beer or his preponderance...Read full story
Europe Adopts Digital Clock
After many days of deliberation, European Ministers have decided that the European clock will go digital on 1st January 2011. Mssr Boulesup, the minister responsible for time, said it will help citizens work out time much more easily. From next...Read full story
Fire Kills Local Tea Party
(Dallas, TX - September 29, 2010)…Troubling news out of the Dallas area today, as a small fire escalated into a fiery grave for 26 members of a local tea party affiliate. The unfortunate incident is being described as a tremendous setback for the gr...Read full story
Carpet Ride Pensioner Hands Himself In
A pensioner has today handed himself in to a top tabloid newspaper after seeing himself on Youtube negotiating traffic with a large rolled up carpet. 87 year old Rod Gripper, claims he was fetching the luxury piece of flooring for Mica, his mates...Read full story
Stunning New John Terry Revelations - It's All Here...
Startling new revelations concerning John Terry are about to be revealed in this weekends News of the World but once again, I have the exclusive scoop. Following the lifting of yet another "super injunction" enforced on the media by a top celebrit...Read full story
Ninja Kamikaze Taliban Squirrel Attempts To Take Down University Single-handedly!
An Al Queda influenced jihadist squirrel attempted to create maximum havoc at the University of Alaska in Fairbanks recently. Successfully penetrating the high security at an electrical substation, the fanatical rodent managed to blow out the campuse...Read full story
Fedora Named as Official Headwear of England
The U.K. Department for Culture, Media and Sports announced today that it was naming the "Fedora" as the official headwear for all of England. Sir Buxton Balderton of the DCMS also outlined his plans for the eradication of American and French forms...Read full story
'Schools should be more like restaurants,' says Coalition education spokesman.
A report published by the Conservative pressure group, the 1690 Take No Prisoners Committee, has recommended that state schools should be run even more like businesses; in particular restaurants were cited as a suitable model for schools of the futur...Read full story
Marty Maraschino...Like The Cherry
Ponder with me, if you will, a cherry: Red, spherical, succulent, jarred, canned, solid, seeded, etc. Now imagine that YOU are a cherry: Red, spherical, succulent, jarred, canned, solid, seeded, etc. Now, I can say with a reasonable certainty that you, as a cherry, would be a most boring person to converse with. So I ask you, why? But before I do, let us consider a few points. First and foremos...Read full story
Pixie Lott Lookin' Hot Gives Not A Jot
It seems that Pixie Lott can do no wrong these days, from pop star, to X-Factor guest judge, to fashion icon, and like as not she gives not a jot. Her most recent public outing was at the launch of her new fashion range 'Tipsy' for 'House Of Tazer...Read full story
Ad Memorium Alex Higgins. The Alex Higgins Trust
He wanted to make a difference and and a difference he certainly made. Then he got drunk and head-butted a ref. The star of Snooker who only recently surely died has been remembered by the formation of the Alex Higgins Trust, a charity that suppo...Read full story
Sarkozy's Latest, Latest immigration policy: "Enough is enough"
EU officials have criticised Sarkozy's policy of immigration following reports that Amazon customers were receiving "funny looking people" instead of their prized possessions. Having failed with his iconic show "Napoleon's Castle"; compacted by se...Read full story
Obama Helpless to "Plug that 'Ho" as Pelosi Popularity Oozes to New Low: Matches BP's in States!
As the November mid term Tsunami threatens to swamp the Democratic agenda, President Obama has a new crisis of epic proportions on his hands; House Speaker Nancy Pelosi has suffered a startling implosion causing her popularity to sink to the level of...Read full story
X-Factor - Cher Lloyd 'Right Up Cheryl's Street' - Chloe Mafia Up Sh*t Street
As Cheryl Cole moves quietly into pole position as the X-Factor judge favourite to complete a hat-trick of series victories, sources inform Skoob Entertainment News that Cheryl is 'dead keen' on Malvern teen-starlet, and Cheryl look a little likey Ch...Read full story
General Strike across Europe following shocking news
All of Europe are throwing their arms up in protest, we can reveal exclusively, following the EU's brand new decision to change the European Anthem. Formally something nice and classical, EU chiefs have decided that this kind of music was getting...Read full story
I Will No Longer Be "Charitable"
People! Let it be known that from this day forth, forward, hence, and hitherto, I will no longer, in any single one of my posts, use the word "charitable". Allow an explanation...IF YOU WILL. Let us break down the etymology of the word which will, as of my previous comment, never be mentioned by me, in any post, ever again. First, the first third of the word: "char". Many of you may, or may no...Read full story
Today, I Walked Through Grass.
People, I know you've had a hard go of it these past few months. Shoot, we all have. But if I might draw your attention to one concept that might make your day a little better, or a little bit worse depending on your social status, I think that you will, but maybe you won't, appreciate it. Throughout the rich and prosperous history of our country, many different people have been persecuted beca...Read full story
Hold On To Your Hats Cause Mirages Aren't Just On The Ground Anymore
You know that sensation that you experience when you're really thirsty? Or dehydrated? Or driving on asphalt? That moment of sheer terror before you realize that the street isn't melting in front of you? Well it would appear that that phenomena...it'...Read full story
Canadian judge overturns brothel ban
The Ontario superior court has overturned a motion regarding the banning of brothels within the region following a counter motion submitted by three Canadian street girls. One of the women who bought the counter motion, Terri Bedwell had told the...Read full story
Susan Boyle 'Sex Contract' Hollywood A-Lister Named And Shamed - Exclusive!
Following recent revelations that Myleene Klass was offered a legally binding 'sex-contract' by an unnamed Hollywood A-Lister, Skoob Entertainment News can go one better than that. We can exclusively reveal that Scottish songbird Susan Boyle, who...Read full story
Military cops search MoD HQ after Foxtons secret clients list leak
London - (Rioters): A military police search of the Ministry of Defence HQ in Whitehall is underway to establish the identity of whoever leaked Foxtons property firm's secret client list. Described as a 'highly sensitive and valuable' database the...Read full story
Apple Unveil New Arse-Pad
Boffins at Apple today unveiled their latest creation, the Arse-Pad. It is said to be a little like the i-Pad in appearance, but with significantly different capabilities. The Arse-Pad - which is expected to retail at £19.99 - differs from its pre...Read full story
Dead MI6 cryptographer Williams 'had Double-O status'
London - (Licence-to-Grill Mess): Cops have refused to say if a service-issue revolver was found in Gareth Williams' Pimlico apartment. Reports that his '00' status had only just been conferred are also at odds with the discreet, geekish profile i...Read full story
Bones, Brennan & Booth "All Lies" Say Bonkers
Two British tourists have returned from Washington DC furious about a successful TV show's "lies" and the rudeness of the FBI. Ken and Liz Bonkers, of Harlesden, north London, visited the US capital hoping to watch the subjects of the hit TV show...Read full story
The Race Is On To Pop Cher Lloyd's Innocent Cherry
Skoob Entertainment News today received an alarming communique from a mole who claimed to have access to what he described as a modern day 'Hellfire Club.' Our informant revealed that 'SpitRoastCherryPoppers' is allegedly a secret society of sexua...Read full story
Peter Tatchell: "Not all sex involving children is unwanted, abusive & harmful"
Hypocritical pope basher and militant gay rights leader, Peter Tatchell, has sensationally come out claiming that - based on his say-so - paedophilia is now acceptable, normal and okay. Obviously, since Tatchell is a militant homosexual who spends his life ramming it down peoples throats (often literally); he is lionised by the likes of Channel 4, BBC, Labour and numerous other lefties. If you'...Read full story
Nation Giddy Over Yankees Playoff Appearance
From west coast to east, from border to border, celebrations lasted well into the night as America celebrated the New York Yankees, who clinched a berth in the 2010 American League Divisional Series with a 6-1 win over the Toronto Blue Jays. Incredib...Read full story
Marilyn Manson to become Shakespearian actor
A packed news room sat in stunned silence as a quite normal-ish looking, apart from his yellow stockings and cross garters, Marilyn Manson, real name, Brian Warner, told the assembled titbit truffle snufflers of his decision to leave the jaded world...Read full story
MI6 cryptographer Gareth Williams 'worked on Stuxnet'
London - (Cyberworm-That-Turned Mess): A new theory about the death of MI6 maths genius Gareth Williams claims he had worked on the Stuxnet cybermunition program. This targets German-made Semens (sic) computer 'tools' that run Iran's George Bushe...Read full story
Guys Hospital to Change its Name
The world renown Guys Hospital near London Bridge has announced that it is to change its name later this year. The hospital, founded in 1772, is named after its founder Thomas Guy but Southwark borough councillors have been lobbying the local heal...Read full story
George W - London Mayoral Election Update 5
Following our coverage of George W's election campaign for Mayor of London we understand that George has a secret plan to publicise his campaign. He has ordered a batch of bibs with 'Vote George for London' printed in red across the front. George...Read full story
Words you were not meant to hear
The words that are heard are often less interesting than the words we are not meant to hear. Gordon Brown's famous gaffe over the Labour supporter who he called a bigot when he thought there was only his aide who could hear him, has been followed...Read full story
Vegetarian Condoms Launched
A bastion of the latex dunkie has announced that it is to launch a new range of vegetarian condoms. The old flavours such as Lamb and Mint, Beef Strogonov and Sweaty Groin are going out of flavour as many of the country's lovers are turning vegeta...Read full story
Fife Council to "Resettle" Troubled Population
In a move to dramatically reduce spending and make savings of almost £50k, Executives at Fife Council are considering plans to "Resettle in the East Neuk" inhabitants of some of Fife's most notorious streets and housing estates. "This will reduce...Read full story
Canary Foils Sex Attack
A five year old canary, from Leyton Buzzard, has been today awarded the congressional medal of honour for saving his owner from a would be sex attack. The canary, named Murray, flapped in the face of fear and repeatedly defecated on the attacker u...Read full story
Pink Cat Chased Mouse Into Loaf of Bread
In an amazing new twist today it has been revealed that the cat who was dyed pink and thrown over a garden wall actually chased a mouse into a loaf of bread in the Hovis factory. A man has come forward stating that he dialled 999 after spotting th...Read full story
Katie Price Fined For Horsebox Offence
Katie Price, AKA Jordan, has been found guilty of 'not being in proper control of her vehicle' at Mid Sussex Magistrates court and fined. The balloon boobed bozo was tethered up in the back of her 7.5 tonne pink horsebox, when she became agitated.Read full story
George W - London Mayoral Election Update 4
As part of our coverage of the George W London Mayoral campaign we are putting specific issues to him about on-going London problems so voters can judge his suitability for the role. Today; I asked George W, if he was going to do anything about problems with the M25. Xavier: GW, you must have heard about on-going problems with the M25 ... GW: I reckon, you know, it's quite old now; nearly...Read full story
History Review: The German Genius, by Peter Watson.
Subtitle: Europe's Third Renaissance, the Second Scientific Revolution, and the 20th Century. The German contribution to western culture since the enlightenment has been immense, but the early 20th century and the Nazi era in particular damaged the image - almost irreparably. Can Watson set the record straight? Ken Lucid writes: "Oh, surely you're not bringing that on holiday," the Empres...Read full story
Alice Roberts, Krestovnikoff, Hughes Groups Face Up Outside Court
Police managed to break up a potential riot outside a west London court yesterday as fans of female TV presenters confronted each other. The fans gathered to support three men facing assault and damage charges following a brawl during the filming...Read full story
"Mondayitis" slowly creeping into Tuesday
Scientists in Switzerland made the shocking discovery last Tuesday that the social phenomenon of 'Mondayitis' has made its way into Tuesday. Confirmation of this was made when employees developed the telltale signs- lack of energy and increased ap...Read full story
Eiffel Tower Evacuated After Man Exposes Armpits
About 2,000 people have been evacuated from the Eiffel Tower in Paris after a man in a white string vest exposed his armpits, French officials say. The alarm was raised after an anonymous call from a tourist was made to the company which manages t...Read full story
Defence Minister Warns Over Cuts
News that the Government plans to cut the amount of "XBox Live" points given to the Army to play "Call Of Duty" has caused controversy. Defence Secretary Liam Fox has warned "The threat from Call Of Duty 2: Modern Warfare is very real. If our troo...Read full story
Parachute Maker Gets Killed by Skydiver Using His Newly Designed Parachute
Parachute maker Jerry Open-Shoot died today in a freak accident when a skydiver using his newly designed parachute landed on top of him. Miraculously, the skydiver, Jerry Freefall, was alive and completely unscathed by the incident. Apparently, Fre...Read full story
Singapore Blacksmith Made Famous in Video of Mariah Carey Falling, Being Reshoed
A Singaporeianese blacksmith was made into an international internet superstar, after being summoned onstage by hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian songbird Mariah Carey, after she threw a shoe and fell during a concert. "I am a blacksmith only part ti...Read full story
Cheese Eating Surrender-Monkeys Fall For Daily Fake Eiffel Tower Hoax Bomb-Threat. Again.
Some a--hole called in what French Intelligence <ha!> officials considered a 'credible threat' against the Eiffel Tower, and the French police bought it, evacuating tens of thousands of people who live in Paris near the giant Erector-set abort...Read full story