This is just gossip. Nobody really gives a flying eff at a rotating doughnut whether Wayne Rooney had a threesome with Manchester based prostitutes Helen Wood and Jennifer 'Juicy Jenny' Thompson.
It seems that the nation has come to regard such antics with increasing disdain, leading to the popular idea that none of them are as good or as honourable as they're made out to be.
Further, that the footballers are overpaid obnoxious brats with no regard for anybody, and that the people who serve their every sexual desire for wads of cash are just 'boils on the arse of society.'
Skoob Entertainment News supremo, Buffty Ginslinger, speaking after just being released from Paddington Green police station on a charge of being drunk and incapable, told us:
"Why bother? They're all scum. The footballers, the hookers, the bloody wags - not a jot of moral fibre in any one of the buggers. They're so deviant that I personally wouldn't leave any of them in charge of a fish tank. Let alone a puppy or a sheep farm. Bloody well depraved - every man jack of 'em."
At which point, Buffty wandered unsteadily into the road and got hit by a passing taxi. Thankfully he got up, dusted himself down, replaced his fedora on his head, sparked up a Henson and Bedges and went on his merry way.
Shouting and gesticulating. Like an Italian traffic cop in a bad mood.
More as we get it.
