Massachusetts Orders Mandatory Evacuation of All Citizens

Funny story: Massachusetts Orders Mandatory Evacuation of All Citizens

BOSTON, MA - Massachusetts officials ordered the state-wide evacuation of all citizens today in anticipation of a possible strike by Hurricane Earl. Congressman Barney Frank said that he was looking forward to seeing Earl coming in the back door o...

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The Tony Blair memoirs chapter 12 - Tony Takes a Dump

Funny story: The Tony Blair memoirs chapter 12 - Tony Takes a Dump

It was a black day when I took a shit. Blacker than 9/11 or when Lady Di had an accident in that French tunnel. Blacker than 7/7, Boris Johnson and when some little bastard grafittied the word 'CUNT' on the front door of one of those fabulous apartme...

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Hogwarts fails OFTSED inspection and will be closed

Funny story: Hogwarts fails OFTSED inspection and will be closed

Hogwarts, the exclusive school for wizards and witches, is to be closed after it failed an inspection by OFSTED, the educational watchdog, this week. A spokesperson said: "We saw appalling breaches of health and safety as well as a complete lack...

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Ke$ha Wants To Date Miley Cyrus' Ex-Boyfriend Liam Hem$worth

Funny story: Ke$ha Wants To Date Miley Cyrus' Ex-Boyfriend Liam Hem$worth

ALHAMBRA, California - Ke$ha had gone up to Alhambra to pay a visit to The Glittering Glitter Shoppe where she purchases most of her performing glitter. The salesgirl immediately recognized her because of the two pounds of glitter she had from her...

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Close-up Photos of Kate Gosselin Show She Definitely Has A Lady Gaga Type Bulge

Funny story: Close-up Photos of Kate Gosselin Show She Definitely Has A Lady Gaga Type Bulge

READING, Pennsylvania - The one and only star of Kate Plus 8, Kate Gosselin, showed why it is that her ex-husband, Jon "The Kinky Korean" Gosselin left the woman he referred to as "King Kate." Kate was recently spotted at a local self-serve gas st...

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Tony Blair: My Life As A Dog

Tony Blair has revealed in his recently published autobiography, "Tony Blair, A Journey," that years after they both left office he is still George W. Bush's poodle. In his book Blair vigorously defends George W. Bush, Bush's actions and Blair's own...

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Blair Memoirs Shock

Former prime minister of the United Kingdom, Tony Blair, much publicised memoirs of his time in office, went on sale to the public this morning. A scan through the pages reveals the shock of the former PM having hair pulling girly fights with his...

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Woman Convicted of Stealing Own Identity

Funny story: Woman Convicted of Stealing Own Identity

(Nippintucket, OH) An Ohio woman has been convicted of an unusual form of identity theft. US Prosecuting Attorney Robert Ungar Rammson said the elderly woman, Gedda L. Ott, had over the years filled out credit card applications sent to relatives w...

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Abbas releases list of demands in advance of meeting with Netanyahu, including "I have a Dream [that you stop building Jewish settlements]" and "Gimme Gimme Gimme [the whole of Jerusalem]"

Funny story: Abbas releases list of demands in advance of meeting with Netanyahu, including "I have a Dream [that you stop building Jewish settlements]" and "Gimme Gimme Gimme [the whole of Jerusalem]"

Palestinian President Abbas will tell Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu that he has a dream whereby Israelis and Palestinians live together in peace and harmony. "In my dream", the former singer turned politician will say, "Palestinians will stop kil...

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Tony and Gordon make up and open hairdressing salon

Funny story: Tony and Gordon make up and open hairdressing salon

The feud between former Labour Prime Ministers Tony Blair and Gordon Brown is officially over and the couple have agreed to work together as partners as they did once before. They will open a hairdressing salon called Tony&Gordon. For years, t...

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Blair: "I couldn't stand Brown"

Funny story: Blair: "I couldn't stand Brown"

Former Prime Minister Tony Blair has today published his memoirs. Entitled "I Hate That One-eyed Scottish C**t", it describes Blair's anger at his successor Gordon Brown, and goes into incredible detail about every argument they had. It also describe...

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Naked Teenage Girl Dancers On The Internet Get Local Car Dealer Into Trouble!

Funny story: Naked Teenage Girl Dancers On The Internet Get Local Car Dealer Into Trouble!

Four teenage girls were sent home from Ballard High School in Cooke County, Tennessee when they showed up on the internet, dancing in the nude to a jingle about "Crazy Bob's" Used Car Emporium!" Crazy Bob wound up with two black eyes and in the Co...

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Tories deny rumours that one of their Ministers is heterosexual

Funny story: Tories deny rumours that one of their Ministers is heterosexual

The Tory government is reeling from yet another sex scandal following publication of allegations on an Internet blog that one of its Ministers is heterosexual. The unnamed Minister was seen talking to and holding hands with a woman. He is said to...

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Levi Johnston Says He Lied When He Lied About Admitting Lies About Palin!

Funny story: Levi Johnston Says He Lied When He Lied About Admitting Lies About Palin!

Young, handsome Levi Johnston has mastered the art of political pootanging to such a point that he wants you, the people of America, to know that his apology to the Palins was a steaming hot heaping of moose hockey! "I lied when I told them I had...

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Kristen Srewart: Leaving Tooth Marks On My Breasts!

Funny story: Kristen Srewart: Leaving Tooth Marks On My Breasts!

"Oh I know this vampire thing isn't going to hurt me as I don't know of any real vampires, except people like Bernie Madoff who suck the life right out of people. But we, Robert Pattinson and I, felt something very strange when we went back and saw t...

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Pattinson - Not Bothered

There has been a lot of gossip surrounding Jimmy Fallons and actor/singer , Robert Pattinson. Apparently, despite being married, Fallon is quite jealous of the way women react when Pattinson enters the room. Fallon has become quite upset that he d...

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Harry Bawlz, Hugh Jarection and Haywood Jablome Open Legal Name Change Centers Across America

Funny story: Harry Bawlz, Hugh Jarection and Haywood Jablome Open Legal Name Change Centers Across America

Three ambitious entrepreneurs with poorly thought out names have joined forces to open a nationwide series of legal centers that target those poor souls with undeserved first or last names. Lawyers Harold Bawlz, Hugh Jarection and Haywood Jablome wi...

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Look at this thing

Funny story: Look at this thing

Many people are suddenly leaping up onto their beds and shouting "Look at this thing!" lately - and it is all down to 'The Thing'. A woman was terrified at the sight that greeted her as she awoke this morning, but once she remembered to put on her...

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Blair admits "I'm an alcholic" in his blockbusting autobiography!

Funny story: Blair admits "I'm an alcholic" in his blockbusting autobiography!

Loveable Tony Blair, ex UK-Prime Minister, warmonger, George Bush's doormat, cool Britain instigator, Spin Doctors victim, Gordon Brown's best buddy, etc, etc, has at last admitted how he managed to bluff the British public so convincingly, it was "B...

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Glenn Beck Mangles Himself When The Great Kazoo Starts Riot With Other Voices

Funny story: Glenn Beck Mangles Himself When The Great Kazoo Starts Riot With Other Voices

Police were called to Glenn Beck's house last night. Beck was found laying on his back. He was bleeding from his face, nose and sported two black eyes. He had a dismembered arm and both legs were fractured. There were also bite marks visible around...

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Tony Blair's autobiography to reveal Stig's identity!

Funny story: Tony Blair's autobiography to reveal Stig's identity!

In a decision sure to shock Top Gear fans, ex PM Tony Bliar is to reveal the secret identity of the mysterious driver known as the Stig. Fat balding presenter, Jeremy Clarkson intoned " It is truly unbelievable. I can forgive him for Iraq and lyin...

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Sandra Bullock Says She's Proud of Her Little 'Cajun Cookie' and Next Plans To Adopt A Little 'Creole Cracker'

Funny story: Sandra Bullock Says She's Proud of Her Little 'Cajun Cookie' and Next Plans To Adopt A Little 'Creole Cracker'

NEW ORLEANS - The Academy Award winner for Best Actress Sandra Bullock was in the city they call "The Big Easy." And although Sandy now appears to be over her depression at having been cheated on by her low-life, inbred "Hey Y'all Is The Carnival...

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Lady Gaga Infuriates Canadian Officials!

Funny story: Lady Gaga Infuriates Canadian Officials!

According to the latest from Lady Gaga, she has insulted the citizens of Edmonton, Canada and doesn't seem to be all that concerned about it, even though she has a concert coming up! Apparently, Lady Gaga used her Twitter.com page to share a photo...

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Hippocrites In DC! Where Are The Wind & Solar Farms?

Funny story: Hippocrites In DC! Where Are The Wind & Solar Farms?

According to a news release today, all that government land set aside for wind and solar energy is setting empty. "They have had years to begin and no one has built a thing", stated one observer. "Not one light bulb has been lit as far as I can se...

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Residential Real Estate Market Experiences Dead Cat Bounce, not Sustainable Recovery.

Funny story: Residential Real Estate Market Experiences Dead Cat Bounce, not Sustainable Recovery.

The resurgence in real estate sales is being reported by some as indicative of a trend toward economic recovery, but wise investors are calling it quite another thing: A dead cat bounce. What in Gul-darned, Stinkly Hell Is A Dead Cat Bounce? The term is derived from the idea that even a dead cat will bounce if it falls from a great height; referring to a small, brief recovery after a particu...

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FDA Finds Rodents, Eggs Buried In Chickenshit On Egg Farm!

Funny story: FDA Finds Rodents, Eggs Buried In Chickenshit On Egg Farm!

Thomas Dewey of the FDA says that a surprise visit by his team found two egg farms in horrible shape. "No wonder there is salmonella! Some of the cages were full of crap, a dead chicken here and there, big rats staring at you from their hideaways,...

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Back to school

At last, nearly there. What a relief to get away from M& D, much as I love them. Barbs has similar problems with her parents and Terry also. What is it with our parents? They seem to be bored with life. The only one with a bit of spirit is Grandma. So one last visit before term time and I've lugged Terry along to meet her. 'What a nice surprise' Grandma said on seeing them at her door...

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Alice Roberts v Miranda Krestovnikoff: Coast Gals Square Up!

Funny story: Alice Roberts v Miranda Krestovnikoff: Coast Gals Square Up!

Fans of BBC documentary series Coast are bracing themselves for a bust-up between two of their favourite female presenters. As we reported last week, fans of presenter Dr Alice Roberts were disappointed that she is keeping her clothes on for her n...

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The Young Putz's: New GOP Leadership

The press conference announcing the new GOP leadership, "The Young Guns," was barely underway when spectators noticed a ripple of smirks and laughter among the press corps. Within a few minutes, all in attendance realized that the press corps had re-...

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Paris Hilton asks Lindsay Lohan for Tips on "Slammer Time"

Funny story: Paris Hilton asks Lindsay Lohan for Tips on "Slammer Time"

In anticipation for an upcoming conviction on possession of Cocaine, Paris Hilton has reportedly asked Lindsay Lohan for tips on how to properly prepare herself for time in the slammer. Though details of the actual conversation were sketchy, Ainsl...

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Lily Allen To Head Western Culture Think Tank

Funny story: Lily Allen To Head Western Culture Think Tank

One of the great creative forces of the early 21st century is to head up a multi-national, multi-discipline investigation into the state of modern western culture. The think-tank will consider the causes for the decadence displayed in the west and...

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Cherie lovers thought Blair was a dickhead

Funny story: Cherie lovers thought Blair was a dickhead

London - (Cuckold Mess): Labour insiders said today the Blair matrimony mirage was heavily propped up by Cherie's surreptitious shagging. "But old Tone had her over a barrel about that first marriage to Dubya!" National Executive Committee mixolog...

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Gay Cuban Catcher Called Up to the Mets

Funny story: Gay Cuban Catcher Called Up to the Mets

Enrico Sanchez, openly gay but proficient catcher in the Mets minor league system, was called up to New York this past weekend in an attempt to fill the hitting void behind the bag, as it were. Quietly defecting from Cuba in a rubber inner tube s...

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Drowning Street sommelier: Blair was ratarssed 24/7

Funny story: Drowning Street sommelier: Blair was ratarssed 24/7

London - (Wee Dram Mess): The government's former chief bartender said today Blair was mostly pissed from breakfast onwards 'and often needed several changes of underwear a day'. Kevin 'High Ball' Chaser was commenting on the 'Alcohol & Prime...

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Glenn Beck Caught on Camera Partially Shape Shifting into Unidentified Creature

Funny story: Glenn Beck Caught on Camera Partially Shape Shifting into Unidentified Creature

Videotape of Glenn Beck losing his temper has been making the rounds on the internet again after a well-known cryptozoologist announced that upon closer inspection of the "angry Beck tape" which first aired in August of 2009, it shows Beck partially...

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Blair 'held gun to Queen's head' over death of Diana

Funny story: Blair 'held gun to Queen's head' over death of Diana

London - (Smoking Gun News): The Russian roulette event propelled Blair to royal funeral stardom as the Great British nation went bonkers with grief. A witness to the incident said today the Queen was woken in her bed and told to 'hand over everyt...

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Psychologist's Research Suggests that Multiple Orgasms Can Save Mankind

Funny story: Psychologist's Research Suggests that Multiple Orgasms Can Save Mankind

Psychologist Heinrich von Stroodle of Vienna, Austria has just published his latest research findings in the World Health Organization Journal of Modern Medicine (WHOJMM) that suggest that multiple orgasms by as many humans as humanly possible in the...

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Cowell in Hospital After Poker Fiasco

Talent show judge and professional national annoyance, Simon Cowell, has been admitted to hospital after shoving a hot poker up his own bottom. The incident happened after he had watched a re-run of the popular reality show 'Britain's Got Talent',...

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Government Orders Any Businesses Showing a Profit to Stop Doing So Immediately

Funny story: Government Orders Any Businesses Showing a Profit to Stop Doing So Immediately

The recession has gotten so bad that most businesses in the country's market sectors, including technology, capital goods, and energy have been showing losses for the past 6 months or more. This is alarming but it is in line with what the effects of...

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Lady Gaga surgically altered to become downloadable Tamagotchi style app' for smart phones.

Funny story: Lady Gaga surgically altered to become downloadable Tamagotchi style app' for smart phones.

Lucky ticket holders to Lady Gaga's recent gig in the US, were treated to the performance of a brand new song and be the first to hear the shock announcement that all of her fans would have the chance to get a piece of their idol, quite literally.

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Gun Activist Shoots Off Nose

Funny story: Gun Activist Shoots Off Nose

WASHINGTON, D.C.--A gun rights activist who thinks anyone who favors gun control of any type is a "socialist elitist who hates America" accidentally shot off his nose yesterday while at a rally here celebrating the second part of the Second Amendment...

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Blare & Gorgon Shock

Funny story: Blare & Gorgon Shock

The publication of Toni Blare's school diary has shocked his old school pals. It has also excited the slobbering school gossips who have been wetting themselves as they read the inside news of how the school was run after the Prefects were kicked out...

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Pak security team "deboarded and rudely treated" by US officials after "one of them made a comment to a flight attendant"

Funny story: Pak security team "deboarded and rudely treated" by US officials after "one of them made a comment to a flight attendant"

WASHINGTON: A delegation of senior Pakistani security officials visiting America claims they were ordered off an aeroplane and "rudely treated" after one of the made a "comment to a flight attendant". The group then flew back to Islamabad. One of...

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Nick Clegg defects

Funny story: Nick Clegg defects

Westminster was buzzing this morning when it heard that an email with subject: "Nick Clegg defects" was doing the rounds amongst senior civil servants. An angry Mr Clegg confronted the senior mandarins, saying that it wasn't true and that such ru...

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Paracetamol (tylenol) makes you fat

Funny story: Paracetamol (tylenol) makes you fat

Millions of people worldwide will take paracetamol (tylenol) today, unaware that a recent study has proven that it is responsible for the worldwide obesity epidemic. The controversial paper (awaiting publication) by Paul Roctor and Gareth Amble of...

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History Review: Samuel Pepys, The Unequalled Self, by Claire Tomalin

Funny story: History Review: Samuel Pepys, The Unequalled Self, by Claire Tomalin

Pepys left us a fascinating and insightful account of life in Restoration London. Ms Tomalin's biography is a welcome modern examination of the man himself. Ken Lucid was supposed to review this book when the paperback was published in 2003. He's just found his notes… Oh come on! This bloke's famous for writing a diary. Hello-o! What the bloody hell do you need a biography of a guy who w...

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Rottweilers Savaged By Jack Russell

Funny story: Rottweilers Savaged By Jack Russell

There were renewed calls for a further tightening of the Dangerous Dogs Act 1991 last night after two Rottweilers needed hospital treatment after being savagely attacked by a Jack Russell in a Dundee park. The Rottweilers, Gripper and Killer - the...

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English Teacher Rips Trousers In Playground Football Incident

Funny story: English Teacher Rips Trousers In Playground Football Incident

An overenthusiastic English teacher in the Thai capital of Bangkok, fell foul of the country's 'no grass in schools' policy this morning during a game of playground football, sustaining a serious injury to his trousers when he dived to save an almost...

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My kid wants a pony for her birthday...

Funny story: My kid wants a pony for her birthday...

My kid is having a birthday coming up soon, and there'll be a lot of children around, so I figured I'd better get the pony she wants. I suspect there'll be, say, about 20 or 30 kids, and I thought a pony would fit the bill nicely. Please let me know what you feed your pony - hay, grain, whatever, so I know what to expect. Also, let me know if the pony gets a lot of exercise, or if it j...

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Dear Person who Burglarized my SUV...

Funny story: Dear Person who Burglarized my SUV...

New Jersey Criminal Code Section 62: Simple Burglary--"Simple burglary is the unauthorized entering of any dwelling, vehicle, watercraft, or other structure, moveable or immovable, with the specific intent to commit a felony or any theft therein. Whoever commits the crime of simple burglary shall be fined not more than two thousand dollars, imprisoned with or without hard labor for not more than t...

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The First New Idea In Hollywood In 20 Years - Some Truly Horrific Ideas For Movies

I foresee the day when Hollywood, which currently has nothing to offer except warmed over repition, will have to change. Otherwise, moviegoers will wake up and grow weary of the lack of ingenuity and this onslaught of formulaic filmmaking. But I think I may have come up with the greatest, and at the same time the worst, idea that will save the industry. It's quite simple, really. Instead of...

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Libertarian Party Chooses Rooster as its Animal Symbol

Funny story: Libertarian Party Chooses Rooster as its Animal Symbol

The Democrats use the donkey as their symbol. The Republicans use an elephant. Until now, the Libertarians had no animal symbol to relate to. However, this past week, leaders of the party gathered the responses to a poll sent out to registered Libert...

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Michael Moore: I'm a Conservative Republican

Funny story: Michael Moore: I'm a Conservative Republican

In a press release that shocked many, liberal political activist and film maker Michael Moore yesterday announced that he had become a conservative republican. "I've been listening to talk radio for several months now, and I think they're complet...

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Sarah Palin Is Ecstatic That Daughter Bristol Will Be Appearing On Dancing With The Stars

Funny story: Sarah Palin Is Ecstatic That Daughter Bristol Will Be Appearing On Dancing With The Stars

WASILLA, Alaska - Sarah Palin was speaking before The Wasilla Taxidermist Society of Wasilla when she was asked what she thought about daughter Bristol being one of the contestants on this years edition of Dancing With The Stars. Palin, took a dee...

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Is it a gas - or is it a fart?

Funny story: Is it a gas - or is it a fart?

Well, think about it. There are both American/Canadian and British writers on this site. Probably even more nationalities....but it crossed my mind...and that of others...that...even though we THINK we are speaking the same language....we are most definitely NOT. In England a 'fanny' is a 'vagina' In America a 'fanny' is a 'butt' In England a 'butt' is a 'fag end' In America a 'fag e...

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Hemorrhoids are becoming Paranoid

Funny story: Hemorrhoids are becoming Paranoid

A recent study has been carried out on Hemorrhoids. It IS believed, in the medical profession, that Hemorrhoids are indeed becoming Paranoid. The Hemorrhoids vehemently deny this finding and say they are not sore about the results but they feel they just can't sit and take this, sitting down, without a fight. A number of Hemorrhoids are rather upset as they have a feeling that they have b...

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