University Challenge: Magnificent Magdalen
Magdalen, Oxford vs Durham. "Maudlin." It was an elderly chum who put me right. The same chum who, while showing Mrs Fields, the Brunette Scot and I around Cambridge, was asked (very politely) at one of the colleges whether he was an alumnus. "Oh no. I went to the other place," he replied, confidently. "Oh, fair enough - please have a look around." And so we got to see some of the lovel...Read full story
Mel Gibson's Wild Ride!
Mel Gibson had a wild ride similar to his adventure movies Saturday night in Los Angeles. Of course, like most of his adventures off screen lately, he wound up in jail and was not allowed to be bailed out until he at least spent one day behind bars.Read full story
Justin Bieber Goes Too Far, This Time He's Arrested
Although he was booed royally, a policeman who was hit twice by Bieber's water condoms arrested the young man and had him driven away in a squad car. Bieber had a run-in earlier with a policeman in Maryland who finally was talked out of arresting...Read full story
Virgins Boycott Dead Car Bombers: Say Worst Sex Ever
Reports from above indicate that stories of wild sex with 72 virgins, promised by radical Islamic clerics as a reward for those who blow themselves and others up for the cause of Allah, have come to a halt because of a tertiary boycott by virgins who...Read full story
Wicked Witch of the West Files Lawsuit Against Nancy Pelosi
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - John Dennis (R-CA) has portrayed Nancy Pelosi as The Wizard of Oz's Wicked Witch of the West in a new video ad. Dennis is running for Pelosi's seat in the House of Representatives. When the real Wicked Witch of the West was app...Read full story
Lady Gaga: It's What's For Dinner; Singer Makes Statement About Compassion For Gays By Wearing a Dead Cow.
Superfamous Fag-Hag Lady Gaga gave a primer on the intersection of sexual violence and meat imagery, and made a bold statement about compassion for gays by wearing the remains of a murdered cow to the Video Music Awards Sunday. "America treats gay...Read full story
Geneticists develop puppy without poo
Most people agree that a bouncing and blundering puppy is about as cute as animals gets - except for the smelly downside - number twos. For their size, puppies burn an inordinate amount of energy - spending most of the day chewing anything with co...Read full story
Iran hopes to get international respect by releasing captured US hiker provided she pays $500,000 bill for "15 months hotel room, food & guest services"
In a manner typical of Iran's turnstile democracy an official of the Ministry of Silly Iranian Declarations first said a captured US hiker would be released on Saturday. Then in equally typical fashion another official for Mad Mullahs against Amriki...Read full story
Kevin Kolb Claims To Be OK After Concussion: "I know it looked bad, but green moonface in the banana mercury is direct. Pizza."
Philadelphia Eagles' Kevin Kolb called an early morning press conference to let family, friends and fans know that he is OK, after being K.T.F.O. during the second quarter of the game against the Green Bay NoFavres Sunday. "I know that backing the...Read full story
Philadelphia Eagles Trainers Caught Removing Padding From Players' Helmets, Admit Murdering 4 Players To Keep It Quiet.
Trainers for the Philadelphia Eagles are facing indictment for removing padding from players' helmets, causing at least 827 concussions in the past 4 years. "I thought that getting out of Vet Stadium was going to help the situation," said former E...Read full story
MTV Music Video Awards: Taylor Swift's Song Is Pretty and Kanye West's Song Is One Big Gigantic Mess
LOS ANGELES - The 2010 MTV Music Video Awards went on without a major incident. The show was hosted by Chelsea Handler, who many TV critics refer to as the most highly unknown person to ever host an award show in the entire history of award shows goi...Read full story
'Queen will drop dead at airport on Thursday' ancient Scottish curse warns Pope welcome committee
Edinburgh - (Portents): Will Mrs Ratzinger actually show at the airport on Turdsday to welcome nutty wackjob spouse Pope Joe Ratzinger? An expert in satanic possession said today ancient curses have hexed such a meeting, citing the Turd Secret of...Read full story
'Have You Got Your Gas Masks Ready?' Scots asked as Luftwaffe Vatican Airlines heads for Edinburgh
Scotland - (Hitler's Dope Mess): The stench of Nazi stitch-up is rife ahead of the Vatican Mile High Club's customised Focke-Wulf Fw 190's maiden voyage to Scotland this Thursday. The arrival of Pope Josef Ratzinger and his ungodly crew of paedo-w...Read full story
Rod Stewart & Shirley Bassey Clash on Spending Cuts
Rod Stewart was the first celebrity to show open support for the unions in their fight against the coalition government's cuts to public services. At a crowded open-air meeting in Trafalgar Square during the weekend, he called on people to stop the g...Read full story
The Dallas Cowboys Lose To The Washington Redskins 13-7: Jerry Jones Blames Kim Kardashian
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Dallas Cowboys who are favored by many sports writers to go to the Super Bowl were beaten in their season opener by The Washington Redskins 13-7. The NFL's leading 'penalty getter' is Alex Barron, and unfortunately for Dalla...Read full story
Schizo Quentin Tarantino accused of Nepotism, he just adores himself + himself and himself, etc, etc!
Quentin Tarantino the renowned "Schizo" has been accused of nepotism whilst sitting on a jury at the film festival in Venice. Quentin often has a problem dealing with the many characters in his head and that's the reason why he turned to film-maki...Read full story
Spencer Pratt Arrested In Costa Rica In The Possesion of Counterfeit Bananas
PUERTO PUNTA, Costa Rica - As if Spencer Pratt hasn't already had enough controversy in his career. Now comes word that he was arrested at The Salsa Picante Airport in the Pacific coastal town of Puerto Punta, Costa Rica. Pratt had gone to the jun...Read full story
Latest New Labour saga has desperate Dave Miliband channeling his inner Austin Powers against sibling Ed's Forrest Gump.
Quick hoovering; sponge baths and home parties be-damned, the latest poll prediction that has brother Ed wresting away Labour's leadership has put desperate Dave in a frightening tizzy. With poll figures showing Ed winning 51% to 49% in second rou...Read full story
2 UK men made £250K by selling sperm on the Internet, "Tossers"!
Two UK men have been accused of illegally selling frozen sperm over the Internet when asked how they did it they gave the following statement: "We wanked ourselves to death day and night, then we froze the sperm and flogged it over the internet to...Read full story
Sharon Osborne's Dog Attacks Lady Gaga at VMA Award Show
Sharon Osborne, wife of legendary heavy metal frontman Ozzie Osborne, never goes anywhere without her pooch, Puddles, a Pomeranian. So it goes without saying that when she showed up on the red carpet for the VMA's Sunday night, she had Puddles in her...Read full story
Doggie Dux to begin Ph.D at the Royal Dick
The Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Medicine is located in Edinburgh. It is part of the University of Edinburgh. This name is not a reference to the Skoob appendage or any of Her Majesty Queen Elizabeth's male relatives Royal Dick Now that's...Read full story
Koran Burning Protesters Burn Down Christian School in Indian Kashmir
President Obama is caught in the middle of the clash of religions between Christianity and Islam. He is forming an alliance with moderate Saudi Arabia, Jordan, Egypt and the Gulf States against radical extremist Iran and Syria. 70% of Americans oppos...Read full story
Lady Gaga's First Roast Takes Place Hours after VMA Awards Show
VMA Awards Show after-parties were taking place at various venues throughout Los Angeles, but by far the most popular featured a roast of Lady Gaga. "We had gotten wind of her meat dress from Katy Perry a few hours before the awards show," said Co...Read full story
Monkey Woods found under boys bed
There was drama in Stoke-on-Trent this afternoon when a woman cleaning her son's bedroom, was a not at all surprised to find a "TheSpoof.com" reporter staking out the underside of her sons bed. Monkey Woods, a distant relative of the famous golfin...Read full story
Woolas hoping to lose court case
Former Government minister, Phil Woolas is hoping he will lose his historic case brought by the LibDem M.P. he defeated by 103 votes at the general election. Elwyn Watkins the Honest, the defeated candidate claims Woolas's team resorted to lying d...Read full story
Royal Family in Torment
As Head of the Church of England, or Top Gal as the Archbishop of Canterbury cheerfully refers to her, the Queen is worried about a load of Papal bull about to descend on her territory. 'He comes here endangering our young boys , and even girls. T...Read full story
Lady Gaga Meat dress now available at your local butchers
Lady Gaga, who got a roasting recently for wearing a meat bikini on the cover of Vogue, also wore a raw meat dress at a music awards ceremony. According to one source, the thinking is, if they got that upset and it caused that much news just for...Read full story
Rooney to face Rangers - Police concern as Glasgow Whores Invade
Police in Manchester issued a 'stay put' warning today to the thousands of 'wagabees n whores' making a planned 'invasion' down to Manchester for this weeks Champions League clash between Manchester United and Glasgow Rangers. Ever since United boss...Read full story
Shades of Stuart Lubbock at Amanda Holden childhood home pool death tragedy
Bournemouth - (Deep End Mess): Police are probing the death of a young man found at the bottom of a Bournemouth swimming pool. Twenty five year-old Luke Barnes' lifeless body was found on Saturday following a rowdy Friday night party at a house wh...Read full story
Now we can understand what dogs are saying
Using technology to help the infirm control wheelchairs, computers and air conditioning, scientists in Hog Jaw, Arkansas, have developed a cap for dogs that allows their owners to understand what the barks mean. "I got fed up checking to see if a...Read full story
Google is detrimental to our perspicacity, postulates sesquipedalian pedant.
Google damages the brains of its users by offering too much assistance in solving problems, an author has claimed. Nicolas Carr, The author of The Shallows: What the Internet is Doing to Our Brains claims that search engines' function of providin...Read full story
The Pope has a George W Bush-sized drink problem
Rome - (Holy Spirit News): Some Zaprudderesque footage, circa 1968, of Ratzinger, Bush and a crateload of communion wine has surfaced in London. Up-and-coming drunk George W and his highball pall are seen demolishing the Mavrodaphne consigment in...Read full story
Prostitute says sorry to all women for sex with Wayne Rooney
One of the prostitutes involved in the three-in-a-bed, piggies in blankets rumpus type sex romp with English footballer Wayne Rooney apologised on Sunday, saying "it was a mistake. I should have realised that being a vagina owner, I have great power,...Read full story
Lady Gaga excommunicated after becoming a priest
Lady Gaga has almost completed an on-line course to become a priest, capable of marrying homosexual couples at her concerts. As a devout Catholic, this has angered the Roman Catholic church in two regards. "First off," said bishop Lee Basher, a...Read full story
Pixie Lott nips out, looking a bit orange and admits love for Cheryl Cole
She's no stranger to walking the red carpet, so Pixie Lott should probably know how much fake tan to put on by now. But the 19-year-old gum flapper looked as if she has fallen in a pot of orange paint, as she hosted a Juicy Couture party last night l...Read full story
Proms review: Prom 76
Too many pieces to list here. Renee Fleming, soprano Maxim Rysanov, viola BBC Singers BBC Symphony Chorus BBC Symphony Orchestra Jiri Behlohlavek, conductor Pierre Noxious writes: I wasn't going to bother with any more Proms this year (no I didn't do the Stravinsky on Tuesday), but the missus said she hadn't been to the Last Night for donkeys' and I thought, well, I'm off for a coupl...Read full story
Manchester - cultural Mecca for young sportsmen with money to burn
They're pacing Piccadilly in packs again, Piccadilly in Manchester that is. There is more than just the one in London. So, if you SoHo snobs and West End wannabes wanna know where the epicentre of hot things, stuff and malarkey is at, well, its oo...Read full story
Wayne Rooney Girls - Sponsorship Offers Flood In
Top brands like Coca-Cla and Nike may be reconsidering their sponsorship of Wayne Rooney in the wake of his three-in-a-bed scandal, but some big names are offering six-figure sums to the girls at the centre of it. Jenny Thompson and Helen Wood hav...Read full story
Good news for the Government at last?
Just when all the news was bad and all reactions to the cuts were beginning to worry the Government, the Trades Union Congress may have come to their aid. Talk of strikes and civil disobedience might stir the TUC membership but will enable the Gov...Read full story
Koran Sales Triple In Week Since Pastor Jones' Book-Burning Threat
Sales of the Koran have more than tripled in bookshops in Britain during the week since US pastor Terry Jones threatened, then postponed, an event at which Moslem-haters were invited to burn copies of the Islamic holy book. The Koran is a collecti...Read full story
Coca Cola bosses ready to ditch Rooney from all advertising
Coca Cola bosses are reeling from the bad publicity surrounding Wayne Rooney and his now legendary threesomes with Manchester tarts. UK marketing boss, Les Rottenteeth, said "Coca Cola is a world leading brand and has many decades of proud histor...Read full story
History Review: Her Majesty's Spymaster: Elizabeth I, Sir Francis Walsingham and the birth of modern espionage, by Stephen Budiansky.
Can we trace our modern MI5/6 back to this puritan statesman? Ken Lucid writes: I'll be straight… they wanted me to review this new book about German cultural progress in the 18th to 20th centuries, The German Genius: Europe's Third Renaissance, the Second Scientific Revolution and the 20th Century, by Peter Watson. But if you think the title's a mouthful well get this - it's nearly a thousa...Read full story
Bo Obama, First Dog, Weds at the White House
The Rose Garden was the scene of the marriage yesterday of Bo Obama, a Portuguese Water Dog, to Abbie Gayle Turdblossom (pictured here), a Heinz 57 Dog from New Mexico. The bride will keep her name. The brides's namesake, Abigail Adams, came back...Read full story
Mucky Book Found Under Boy's Bed
A mum in Staffordshire had her worst fears confirmed this morning when, cleaning under her son's bed, she found, to her horror, what can only be described as 'a mucky book'. Karen Low-Cal, 46, from Stoke, made the grim discovery as she hoovered un...Read full story
Ricky Hatton's nightmare week has gone from bad to worse after falling victim to what seems to be a targeted fecal attack by a flock of seagulls. Once famed for his British Bulldog approach to fighting in the ring, the celebrated 'Hitman' is now...Read full story
President Obama Receives 4 MTV VMA Awards, As Undeserved as his Nobel Prize and Two Grammys
President Barack Obama, who won the Nobel Peace Prize "for his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples," and two Grammy for his audio book readings of "The Audacity of Hope: Thoughts on Reclaiming t...Read full story
Impala Found Under Boy's Bed
There was a real 'safari feel' to the discovery made by intrepid mum Karen Low-Cal in Stoke this morning, when, during her daily clean-up of her son's bedroom, she discovered what appeared to be an impala. Karen, the mum of pesky 15-year-old Child...Read full story
Atom Bomb Found Under Boy's Bed
There was drama in Stoke-on-Trent this morning when a woman cleaning her son's bedroom had the shock of her life after she reached under his bed to retrieve what eventually turned out to be an Atom Bomb. Karen Low-Cal, 46, was tidying-up the messy...Read full story
Surprise Drunken Driving Checkpoint At Stop and Shop on Route 36 in Keyport, NJ This Weekend
KEYPORT, NJ - The Monmouth County DWI Task Force will conduct a special secret drunken driving checkpoint from 11 p.m. Friday through 3 a.m. next Saturday to detect drivers under the influence of alcohol or drugs, police said. Task Force members a...Read full story
BCS Committee Announces Radical New Playoff System
(Lincoln, NE) With the 2010 college football season now underway, University of Nebraska-Lincoln chancellor Harvey Perlman, chairman of the BCS Presidential Oversight Committee, revealed today the formulation of a bizarre new system to determine the...Read full story
Ricky Hatton Cocaine Torment Serialisation To Be Handled By Max Clifford
Publicist Max Clifford has said that he, and he alone, will help former world boxing champion Ricky Hatton through his cocaine torment, after it was revealed the boxer was keen to sell his story to raise some badly-needed cash. Hatton, 31, who ha...Read full story
Salt Banned in the USA, Salt-Legers Fill the Need
Washington DC: Congress has banned the sale, transportation and production of salt in the USA. Pickle, potato chip and pretzel manufacturers, chefs, fish processors and various US frost-belt snow removal companies have filed federal court challenges,...Read full story
Nude During Most Of The Movie, "Mary Ann" Not The Only 'Gilligan's Island' Movie Change!
It seems that the script writer for the new movie "Gilligan's Island" had the hots for Mary Ann or even Ginger while he was growing up so that would explain the new movie based upon the show having Mary Ann running around nude for most of the show.Read full story
Nick Jonas: Kevin Pulled My Teeth Out!
Nick Jonas, youngest of the three Jonas Brothers singing group told reporters yesterday that it wasn't easy being the youngest of the three. "Most of the time we got along great, but Kevin has a weakness for money. You might say he's always wanted...Read full story