NBA Unveils New "Slam Dunkin' Donuts" Food Line

Funny story written by Alistair Clarke

Thursday, 9 September 2010

NBA HEADQUARTERS, CALIFORNIA - As part of their Autumn product range, NBA Marketing have revealed the result of their new partnership with Dunkin' Donuts: a variety of basketball-inspired sugary treats. The tasty confections will be available in Dunkin' Donuts stores and supermarkets around the country from early September, while corresponding energy drinks can already be pre-ordered in bulk from the NBA website.

"We couldn't be happier with the end product of our work with the Dunkin' Donuts design team", NBA Marketing lead designer Geoff Cupcake emphasised in the press conference held this morning. "There is really nothing that better represents basketball values than the Toffee Three-Pointer, and the flagship James LeScone is the MVP in the field of flavour."

A publicity campaign backed by several of the NBA's leading stars will begin in the last week of August. The schedule states that Kobe Bryant will start proceedings by visiting primary schools in the California area and throwing the Kobe Fondant variety directly into children's mouths. Other events lined up include basketball legend Shaquille O'Neal touring NBA stadiums with his "Snack Shaq" half-time sample hut.

The development will be a welcome boost for the confectionary market, coming as it does after a trying year in which profits dropped as the nation became increasingly health-conscious. Despite the trend towards low-fat foodstuffs, Dunkin' Donuts CEO Hugo Lemon sees a bright future for his company. "The American people have let us know that they are concerned about obesity and we have listened. Our new donuts retain that famous Dunkin's Donuts flavour while also boosting athletic performance with our patented Jumpstart brand of caramel. What better way is there to prepare for a draining game of hoops than getting some chocolate icing into your bloodstream?"

"Remember", he added, "there's nothing illegal about performance-enhancing deliciousness".

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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