Written by Noshing Mink

Thursday, 9 September 2010

image for Susan Boyle calls Lou Reed a "durty sassenach" because he won't let her sing his song "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent
Susan Boyle upset, smokes a fag

Scots singer Susan Boyle burst into tears and started cursing at people at Los Angeles because Lou Reed refused to allow her to sing his song "Perfect Day" on America's Got Talent.

The 49-year old prima donna, who was the runner up in the British version of the show, had turned up at LAX Airport two hours before the scheduled filming of the show, with a backing group, even though she didn't have permission to sing the song. She expected Reed to give permission to her because she is more famous than he is. After permission had been refused, it was too late for her to learn the lyrics to any other song and she therefore took the next flight home.

Boyle shot to fame in 2009 when she sang "I Dreamed a Dream" from Les Misérables. However, the spinster can only hold the lyrics to one song in her head at any time. Audiences across the world became sick of hearing "I Dreamed a Dream" and Boyle therefore learned a second song, "Perfect Day". However, she didn't bother to ask the American rock musician, who wrote the song, for permission to sing the song live on television.

It is not known which song Boyle will learn next, though she does have enough time to learn the lyrics to Slade's Christmas hit "Merry Christmas Everybody" and the group's Noddy Holder is said to "really need the money".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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