In California, a group of Scientologists have today protested against a Florida church which plans to burn copies of their holiest book, "Dianetics" by L. Ron Hubbard.

The Florida church are creationists, and they say that "Dianetics" is an evil book because it suggests that aliens visited Earth 75 million years ago. As this is long before the universe was created, they argue, the book must have been written by the devil. Therefore they plan to burn 100 copies of Hubbard's book, which they have purchased themselves.

Scientologists say that it is the creationists who are evil because they do not recognise the greatness of the galactic emperor Xenu. They have promised to form a counter-protest, during which they will burn copies of the Bible.

Muslim extremists in Pakistan, led by bearded freak Al Aq-alal Al-Osama-Obama-Osama, have joined the argument. They have promised to burn any book which is not the Koran, and also any flags of countries which might contain books which are not the Koran.

Book publisher Bookman and Sons have sponsored all three events, and have offered a reduced price for anyone buying books especially for burning.