Jennifer Thompson, the 21-year-old Bolton strumpet who recently broke into the headlines after sitting on Wayne Rooney's face, has been drafted into Fabio Capello's squad for the rest of the Euro 2012 qualifying campaign.
She is to work closely with the players in 'training'.
Some might say "too closely".
Thompson it was who Manchester United star Rooney visited for sex seven times during the last four months, sparking speculation that he is a normal red-blooded male who can't be bothered to saddle himself with the encumbrance of having to go through the rituals of chatting up a bird in a pub or club, before taking her down a dark back alley to shag.
Juci Jeni, as the back of her shirt will read, is an expert on metatarsils, pectorals, testicles and penis helmets, and will slobber on the latter until the cows, or any other farmyard animals, come home, giving soothing relaxation to the England players, exhausted after a gruelling work-out on the training ground.
Capello told reporters: "Issa good for deplayers to have a relax widda degirls."
