Biden: Obama Not as 'Clean' as I Thought

Funny story written by Olive Pepper

Thursday, 9 September 2010

image for Biden: Obama Not as 'Clean' as I Thought
Still the sweet-smelling Mr. Clean of the campaign trail?

WASHINGTON--Vice President Joe Biden, revisiting one of the most infamous remarks of his short-lived run for the presidency in 2007, says he's having second thoughts about whether Barack Obama is in fact "clean" for a black guy.

"I said back then that Barack Obama wasn't your typical black guy," says Biden, speaking from the front steps of the vice president's official residency at the U.S. Naval Observatory. "I said he was articulate, bright, nice-looking, and clean. Well, having worked with him closely for the last two years on some of the thorniest problems any American administration has worked on, I can continue to say he's nice-looking, but I'm not so sure about the clean. And while he remains bright, he's not quite as articulate as I thought he was. I mean, we passed an economy-saving stimulus, totally reformed health care, ushered in long-needed Wall Street reforms, and ended combat operations in Iraq. But apparently Mr. Articulate can't seem to get the message out that these are good things rather than disasters for the American people.

"As for his cleanliness, well, let's just say you can take the black guy out of the ghetto but you can't take the ghetto out of the black guy."

Biden, whose run for the presidency lasted only a few months before he bowed out, only to reemerge on the campaign trail as Obama's vice presidential pick, has been praised as one of the bright spots in Obama's presidency despite the veteran politician's well-known penchant for making controversial remarks.

"It's not a reputation I worry a lot about," says Biden, "just like the little boy who said the emperor has no clothes didn't spend a lot of time worrying about what people would think about his remark. The fact is, every administration needs someone who's willing to speak his mind, damn the consequences. And I'm telling you, Obama isn't smelling quite as good to me as he was when we were both running for president. Here we are, coming up on the midterm elections and our fellow Democrats can't run away from us quickly enough. Who gets the blame for that? Well, I think the buck starts with Mr. Articulate, Bright, Good-Looking, and Clean, don't you? Maybe our fellow Democrats know something Mr. Clean doesn't, namely that his politics stink."

"And Michelle needs to get out there and show a bit more skin," says the vice president's wife, Jill Biden, joining her husband on the front steps. Biden, known for her hot looks and sizzling body, says the First Lady isn't doing a good job shoring up the vote of horny black men. "The issue with her isn't whether she's clean but whether she knows how to juice the enthusiasm of a demographic that's notorious for spending time sidled up to bars and behind bars but can't take the time to get to the polls on election day. Being drunk or incarcerated doesn't mean you can't exercise your right to say, 'Yes, we can!' If Michelle can't get out there and get these men to 'stick it to the man' by voting for the Democrats in November, maybe she should spend less time puttering around her White House garden and more time showing her male admirers what she's got."

"She's definitely got the assets," says Vice President Biden. "Her husband needs to get his mojo back, and she needs to show some back."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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