There were 160 spoof news stories published in June 2016. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
LIKE Me...Or Else!
An example of social media run amok was reported this week in a small town twenty miles north of NYC. Several people reported that they were "mugged" by a masked man who emerged, brandishing a gun, from the bushes. He instructed the victims to pr...
Read full storyPhoto-ops I Hate To See
I dunno. Maybe it's just me. But it seems that photo-ops are increasingly boring these days. Same old, same old. Rarely do I see a unique one. Here are a few of the exceedingly boring variety that especially annoy me: -- At groundbreaking ceremonies, why do we have to be treated to photos of a bunch of politicians wearing hardhats and smilingly lifting heavy shovels? I mean really. Who are they...
Read full storyMinnie Mouse Arrested in NYC's Times Square
Say it isn't so, Minnie. Say it isn't so. Unfortunately, though, it IS so. The entrepreneurial little mouse was a little bit TOO entrepreneurial and was arrested for battling a tourist over the size of a fee for a photo session. Minnie refu...
Read full storyFido: Stupid Things Humans Say
Fido, a smart dog, recently barked to a Spoof writer who understands dog talk. Fido's chief gripe was about the stupid things humans say. A few of Fido's examples of stupid comments by humans are given below, followed by an observation from the dog: He's so stupid he couldn't be elected dog catcher. "Uh, hello. Successful dog catchers are VERY smart." Good doggie. "Soooooooooooo condescendi...
Read full storyNancy Grace Has Been Smelling Farts All Along
Nancy Grace's facial expression has often been compared to someone who has just smelled a fart. Now it seems Grace has indeed been suffering from a brain tumor that causes the perception of bad smells. Grace's condition was caused by a rare tumor...
Read full storyPornographic Film Actor Files Suit Over Cock Shaming
San Fernando, CA - A male pornographic film star filed a suit in San Fernando District Court yesterday. In it he alleges that actresses he works with, who constantly tell him on camera that his "cock is so fucking huge." and refer to it as "fat" whe...
Read full storyAfter Losing the News Cycle for Three Days to Muhammad Ali, Donald Trump Declares Himself Dead
Washington, D. C.--Donald Trump, after watching the news cycle focus on the death of Muhammad Ali for the last three days, today declared to Jake Tapper, on "State of the Nation," that he was dead. Said the bloviating billionaire to Tapper: "Yeah,...
Read full storyGOP Promises To Spank Trump If He Abuses Nuclear Arsenal
Mitch McConnell and Paul Ryan say they will resort to corporal punishment if Donald Trump should ever abuse his access to the nations nuclear codes. "I think a good old fashioned spanking or paddling would be in order," McConnell said. "Donald Tru...
Read full storyDark Horse: Donald Trump is not one of us
Manchuria (SAPP) - The Society of Dark Horses (SoDaHo) has announced in a press release that Donald Trump is not one of them. The secret society, known for its yearly festival in Manchuria known as Burning Horse, has claimed that it has no record of...
Read full storyDonald Trump a Person of Interest in the Sudden Death of Godwin's Law
New York, NY--Godwin's Law, the adage that when one resorts in a debate to a comparison to Hitler or to Nazism, one has lost the argument, was found dead on Friday of last week, crumpled up near one of the loading docks at the back of Trump Tower...
Read full storyReadying For Olympics, Police In Brazil Arrest Prostitutes With Braces
Men traveling to Brazil for the Olympics this summer breathed a sigh of relief today. A crackdown on hookers with braces in Rio de Janeiro rounded up 170 mostly female sex workers sporting the dangerous dental devices. Brazilian Director Of Touris...
Read full storyDyson Enters Razor Market With Air Blade
Dyson, the company that makes all sorts of things that suck and blow, is entering a market even bigger than home appliances: Now Dyson wants to give you a closer morning shave. Using patented air blade technology Dyson is claiming they can give yo...
Read full storyHouse Speaker Paul Ryan Unveils Cock and Alternative To Obamacare
Washington DC- Saying he wasn't elected House Speaker to "sit around with my thumb up my ass," Paul Ryan today unveiled his cock and a legislative alternative to Obamacare that was "streamlined and nowhere near as massive as the original." Ryan took...
Read full storyPluto could have an underground ocean: So let's not swim in the the Kuiper Belt
Lurking somewhere way down under the icy crust of the planet which is now no longer a planet could lie an ocean. Deep under a layer of ice, 186 miles deep, may lie this humongous mass of liquid. In a paper published this week in Geophysical Resear...
Read full storyAfter Brexit, Texas mulls "Texit"
DALLAS - Emboldened by Great Britain's decision to exit the European Union, the Texas legislature is gearing up to consider a bill that would allow the Lone Star State to exit the United States. Texas State Sen. Adam Philbin said the bill, calling...
Read full storySexist Man Blatantly Holds Door Open For Woman - Then Called "Rude, Inconsiderate, Sexist Jerk" After Letting Woman Get Door For Herself
King's Beach, CA - A sexist man here got put in his place after holding the door open for a woman at the local Gas 'N' Sip Tuesday night. Sexist, Fred Holden, 45, single and a local fireman, held the door open for Anita Artisian and rudely said, "Aft...
Read full storyApple Develops Corneal Implant For First Eye-Phone, Samsung Announces Announcement
Apple engineers have unveiled a miniature phone and screen developed for direct implant into the cornea. The new Eye-Phone will offer users convenience unparalleled in the history of phone gadgetry. Even with eyes closed consumers will be able to...
Read full storyTrump: "Only Rich People Should Be Allowed To Play Golf"
"Only rich people should be allowed to play golf," said Donald Trump, real-estate magnate, tycoon, impresario of the rich, international icon and now - of course - political contender for the presidency of our great country. More specifically, h...
Read full storyCleveland Sports Fans Discombobulated by Cav's Championship
After the fifty plus year championship drought was brought to an end by hometown basketball product, LeBron James, with an NBA title, the city of Cleveland has been brought to a standstill by disoriented and confused sports fans. "What happene...
Read full storyOde to the little turd who wouldn't be flushed!
Ode to the little turd who wouldn't be flushed! Oh little turd, of all the millions and zillions of turds that have existed in the world even in my lifetime, why oh why were you the one that refused to be flushed? Little turd,You are not all that much different from the rest...a little smaller, a little rounder and yes quite nice in texture but little turd, why you? Little turd, what made...
Read full storyNew college grads can roll their student loan debt into a 30-year fixed mortgage - WHAT A DEAL!!!
So you just graduated from that pricey and prestigious liberal arts college and you and your sweetie owe an astronomical conglomeration of more than $125,000 in student loans. Neither of you have job prospects yet, but they're coming, baby, they're c...
Read full story'Fellatio Cafe' is slated to open in Switzerland and will feature a high-priced cup of coffee with some little something included as a bonus
The 'Fellatio Cafe', set to open in Geneva, Switzerland, by end of the year, will allow its customers to order a coffee before choosing a prostitute on their iPads. Men will have to pay more than £40 for the hot, robust drink and lascivious sex act,...
Read full storyQuentin Tarantino Accepts Razzie For Goofiest Looking Director
The Golden Raspberry Awards has created a new category in order to give Quentin Tarantino a Lifetime Acheivement Award for Goofiest Looking Director. Tarantino, the writer and director of films such as Pulp Fiction and The Hateful Eight graciously s...
Read full storyJackie Gleason/Ralph Kramden Wins Republican Nomination
The Republican hierarchy is screaming: Holy Cow! We've got Ralph Kramden as our presidential nominee! These folks finally realized that through their collective opposition to President Obama, with their Do-Nothing Congress rejecting all of the Pr...
Read full storyKobe Bryant's poem about retiring from basketball isn't so bad, so all you 'literary' and writing hacks need to lighten up!
Kobe Bryant wrote a heartfelt poem about retiring from NBA Basketball and all he's faced, just about, is flagrant abuse from some members of the writing community. Sure, some die-hard Kobe and Lakers fans think Shakespeare or Chaucer actually wrote t...
Read full storyTo Promote Diversity Donald Trump Insults Nearly Every Other Ethnic Group in America
Twittersphere, USA--Having already insulted Mexicans, Blacks, and Muslims and now--with his attacks on Twitter calling Elizabeth Warren "Pocahontas"--Native Americans as well, Donald Trump today launched a new diversity campaign to offend nearly ever...
Read full story"A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier": A Look at George W. Bush On The Eve Of His 70th Birthday
Almost born on the day that our beloved country was born (July 4), George Walker Bush, son of former president and vice president George Herbert Walker Bush and brother to former governor of Florida Jeb Bush, will turn 70 this July 6th. It is fitting that his birthday falls within such an auspicious range of dates since he, and his vaunted political family, has been so integral in the formati...
Read full storyWith Two You Get Egg Roll
JAMESTOWN - If New York property owners complain about a water chestnut problem, they are not talking about Chinese takeout. The European water chestnut, an invasive aquatic plant is not the same as the water chestnut which can be purchased in can...
Read full storyTrump Declines GOP Nomination, Cites Reality TV Hoax
Washington, DC: In a stunning turn of events, Donald Trump, the presumed presidential nominee for the Republican Party, declined the nomination altogether, and announced that his entire race to the White House was for a reality TV project. The prem...
Read full storyPlane Takes Off, Then Lands. TSA in Hot Water.
Due to a glitch in the TSA's Delay Performance System, Trans American Flight 209 left the gate on time, took off, and landed at its intended destination on time. "We are looking into this situation. We take delay tactics very seriously, and if ou...
Read full storyNancy Grace Farts On Airplane, Forces Landing In Albuquerque
A Jet Blue flight to LA landed at Albuquerque's airport after passengers panicked over a bad smell in flight. The crew quickly determined that Nancy Grace had let a stinky fart rip, but under new anti-terrorism guidelines, the plane was diverted to A...
Read full storyHow Trump's "One Child" Law For Hispanics Will Destroy Families.
Donald Trump likes to play up his status as a family man, displaying current and former wives along with his children for effect. But his proposed "One Child" policy for Hispanics is already having a disastrous effect on many families in the US. For one woman her dream of marrying may have to wait indefinitely. Mercedes, who works as a bathroom gender guard in Asheville North Carolina, told thi...
Read full storyThis Election: George H. W. Bush To Vote For Tapioca Pudding - "Hooray for Twinkies!" Exclaims Former President
Shadow Lanes Senior Center - George Bush Senior announced today that in the Presidential election he would be voting for tapioca pudding. "I believe tapioca pudding can protect us from dust-bunny attacks." Stated Bush. "According to my magic belly...
Read full storyJacko and Feducious T. are on a trek to grab ahold of the 'world's perfect beer glass'
My friend and neighbor Jacko and my old English Comp teacher Feducious T. Flynt stopped by the other day and informed me they were on a sojourn for what they considered to be the quest for the holy grail. "We're taking a road trip, then we'll be t...
Read full storyAmerican Urological Society Awards Golden State Warriors Forward Draymond Green Man of The Year in Unanimous Vote
Miembro, New Mexico - In a first ever unanimous vote, America's most prominent urological society today gave Draymond Green its Man of the Year Award. Normally given at year's end, this year's award came prematurely, but it was a move that sparked n...
Read full storyBionic Leaf Created, "Deforestation Not Really an Issue Anymore."
The quest for a perfect energy source has now been discovered by students at MIT. It is called Leaf-2.3. It could soon replace all the leaves in existence and do a better job at cleaning our air. It works the same way as a regular leaf, by taking in...
Read full storyDonald Trump Seeks Permission From The Queen To Use "We Will Rock You"
Donald Trump's publicist sent word to the Queen that he would like permission to use the ubiquitous sports anthem "We Will Rock You" in his failing presidential bid. The next day Trump blamed the misunderstanding on the English for their funny wa...
Read full storyNRA Complaint: Obama no longer selling guns
Washington (SAPP) - With the Obexit just months from now, President Obama is no longer the primary source for gun sales. For 7 straight years, US gun dealers have attributed the increased sale of guns and ammunition to Barrack Hussein Obama. The NRA...
Read full storyPandas Removed from Endangered List and Placed on Menu
With all the new cuddly pandas springing up in zoos and in the wild, people are wondering what they taste like. So at the Duon Gevafuk restaurant in Mainland China, they have begun conjuring recipes and sauces to commemorate this special occasion.
Read full storyDonald Trump Threatens Spoof Reporter, Hints At Death Contract
At a press conference, Donald Trump launched an unprecedented attack on the press, even singling out this reporter and The Spoof for special attention. "This Xrhonda Speaks and the website The Spoof are one of the worst examples of a dishonest pre...
Read full storyAnimal Trainer Routinely Uses Whip and Gun On Tiger - Has Audacity To Act Surprised When Animal Chews His Arms Off
Toronto - A local animal trainer for the Toronto Zoo suffered severe injuries when his tiger, Meeka, turned on him during a training session and gnawed his arms off. According to fellow workmates, the trainer, Peter Dawson, 38, routinely whipped Meek...
Read full storyProf. Stephen Hawking on Black Holes
Our science reporter from U-R-FKD magazine found Prof. Hawking in his study, hard at work at his computer. Our reporter, Toto Bohr, asked him some searching questions. Dr. Toto is no amateur in the field of scientific exploration. He is the man who invented the aquatic mousetrap, currently selling well in Malaysia. Hawking replied in his usual Dalek accent for which he is famous. B. So what...
Read full storyHillary Clinton wins nomination, Celebrates by Burning Email Server
Hillary Clinton celebrated her clinching of the Democratic Nomination for president by holding a massive bonfire for her supporters last weekend. According to those present at the bonfire Clinton and her supporters eagerly burned her email server whi...
Read full storyForget Wearable Technology, Implantable Tech Is The New Rage
Body mods are nothing new, and facial and head implants that give you ridges, horns and bumps have been a staple for fans for decades. But with the increasing miniaturization of electronic gadgets, more and more implants are also augmenting the wear...
Read full storyArchaeological Find Reveals the Bush Bloodline
"George Bush"... The True Origin of the Name. These pages written by Saint John on the Island of Patmos may be the most important discovery of the century,... aside from the mountains on Pluto. The discovery of Pluto's mountains sent the poor and...
Read full storySupreme Court Ruling: State Interest In Forcing Heterosexuals To Watch Gays Hump In Public Outweighs First Amendment
Washington DC - Writing for the majority, Chief Justice John Roberts wrote that religious groups who want to worship without having sodomites doing it in their pews will have to "shut up and deal with it or face the full coercive, incendiary wrath of...
Read full storyTrump Brings His African American To Rally
Washington, DC: Trump held multiple rallies today. At each rally he took his African American with him. Gregory Cheadle, a Republican candidate for the 1st Congressional District who lives in Happy Valley, California, was ecstatic to be the only Af...
Read full storyClinton Apologizes To Mexico For Using The Phrase "Going South"
Hillary Clinton ignited a twitter storm for using the expression "going south" when she described Donald Trump's business failures. Clinton was critiquing Trump's proposal to turn the southwestern US in to a giant golf course. Clinton immediately...
Read full storyKid Makes Nuclear Bomb Out of Vegetable Soup
Sterling, Virginia boy, Hank Incendiary, has managed to cultivate the latent radiation in vegetable soup and use it to assemble a nuclear bomb. Using a homemade radiation absorption brush built from pieces of Lego, Hank managed to accumulate 20 lbs...
Read full storyDisney Sues Trump over Pocahontas Reference
Washington, D.C.: The Walt Disney Company has reportedly filed a lawsuit against Donald Trump because he used the nickname "Pocahontas" to deride Massachusetts Senator Elizabeth Warren. The Pocahontas taunt "goes too far", claims Disney, asserting...
Read full storyBrexit moving quickly toward nexit, hexit, and feckit as financiers scramble for the too big to fail handbook
Brexit's financial fall out explained in brief is the monkey lost his stash out of his jungle nest and let out a moan fit to get everybody's teeth grinding. It is unfortunate, of course, when the clientele suddenly disappears and all that potentia...
Read full storySales of Antidepressants Skyrocket, as Clinton, Trump lock up Presidential Nominations
Hillary Clinton has just locked up the democratic nomination for president this fall, making it official that Americans will be forced to chose between electing her or Donald Trump as our next President. Antidepressant sales have soared over 1000% in...
Read full storyTrump's New Con: Trump Church Of Monetary Unification
Former presidential candidate Donald Trump might stumble but he never falls. In debt from his presidential bid and judgements from lawsuits over Trump University, the billionaire is moving on to his next business venture and redemption: The Trump Church Of Monetary Unification. This reporter attended a Trump rally, ostensibly a worship meeting, at the Atrium in the Trump Towers. Trump roused th...
Read full storyCameron offered Arsenal manager's job!
Ex-UK Prime Minister, David Cameron, has been offered to take over the reigns at Arsenal FC and replace their present French manager, and perennial loser, Arsene Wenger! Arsenal, used to imploding season after season under Wenger's rule, find Came...
Read full storyDoctors Discover Man Suffers From "Compulsively Speaking Your Mind With No Pretense Then Quickly Changing It So As Not To Disrupt the Sensitivities of Society Syndrome"
Indianapolis, IN - Doctors here at the Indianapolis State Medical Center have diagnosed the first man with a mental disorder they are calling: "Compulsively Speaking Your Mind With No Pretense Then Quickly Changing It So As Not To Disrupt the Sensiti...
Read full story'Classic Rock' rolls on, to where and who, who knows, but it's out there, man! It's out there and it's free!
Classic rock. The scourge of the airwaves. Only Baby Boomers listen to the radio anymore, so Classic Rock rules the airwaves. If you want to tune in to what young musicians are banging and booming out, you won't find it on the "free radio". Maybe the...
Read full story'Now is the summer of our discontent..' - Shakespeare to be Brexited
No, not Richard III but Boris I had chosen these words to express the fortunes of Britons in these dark days. While Boris Johnson could be seen sporting an open-breasted tunic and full-pleated skirt, with scruffy hair hanging out from under a blac...
Read full storyTexas Secessionists Emboldoned By Brexit Seek "Texit"
Texans who want to secede from the US are now pointing to the historic Brexit vote to say their plan is plausible. Daniel Miller, president of the Texas Nationalist Movement was excited about the new enthusiasm for Texas to secede from the union.
Read full storyFamily of High School Senior Ready to Decide Her Future
The family of local high school senior Sophia Carmichael is bewildered by the stress and anxiety the young woman faces while trying to make a decision about her future. "I really just don't understand what all the trouble is," says Jenny Carmichae...
Read full storyJudicial Branch Implodes over Bias Issue
Washington, DC: Hundreds of judges resigned today and more resignations are expected amid recent bias claims by U.S. Presidential candidate Donald Trump. At press time, seventy judges of Mexican heritage have already resigned, and other judges who...
Read full storyTheologists Confirm Satan Invented Leaf-Blowers
Jerusalem, Israel - A team of Oxford Theologists have confirmed what many believers have suspected for the last twenty years--that the most annoying of all gardening equipment was first thought up by the devil himself. "We stumbled across a very d...
Read full storyEnglish Thug Punches Bag of Crisps at Euro 2016
Following substantial unrest in Marseille and Lille, the scourge of English football hooliganism has reared its ugly head again in the city of Arras, Pas De Calais. The unsavoury incident occurred at approximately 11:15am in the central Leader Pri...
Read full storyTwitter Report of Roger Goodell's Death a Hoax. NFL Admits "He was never alive to begin with..."
A hacker unwittingly exposed the true nature of Roger Goodell by falsely reporting his death on Tuesday June 7, 2016. The NFL's hacked Twitter account announced his passing with the following tweet: "We regret to inform our fans that our commission...
Read full storyBathroom Debate Ends with a Thud
Washington (SAPP) - In a strange twist of fate, the bathroom debate has come to a screeching halt. The U.S. EPA, an unlikely actor in this political saga, has settled the issue once and for all. In a blistering beat-down of the political Left and Rig...
Read full storyEU makes dramatic U-turn over Brexit! "Kick the Brits out" they are saying now!
It seems the EU have English, moronic, football fans causing riots in Marseille, France, to thank for in making an ultimate decision to either support a Brexit or be against the UK leaving the community! European leaders, Germans, French, Spanish,...
Read full storyProtestors Dumbfounded By Presence of Workingman
Pro-Trump and anti-Trump demonstrators were caught off guard last Monday when a local man showed up and started repairing a car engine. Several of the demonstrators seemed puzzled by the man's presence and stopped for a few moments to gaze at thi...
Read full storyYou Gotta Believe the Mets Are Damned
Most fans of baseball believed the Mets' acquisition of Yoenis Cespides for the playoff stretch run of 2015 nothing short of a miracle. Hitting at a .287 clip with 17 home runs and 44 runs batted in, the Cuban outfielder instantly added the offensiv...
Read full storySanders Supporters Begin "Occupy Walmart"--Pledge To Hold Out Indefinitely
With Hillary Clinton as the presumptive nominee for the Democrats, some Bernie Sanders supporters are now executing their Occupy Walmart strategy in a last ditch effort to win Sanders the nomination. Nearly 40,000 Occupy volunteers will protest an...
Read full storyScreen Scratching Lover Alleges Hillary Suffered From Fat Ankles And Vinegar Pussy Syndrome
BILLINGSGATE POST: One of Bill Clinton's old screen scratchers reveals that she began sleeping with Bill after high school and that their affair didn't end until he moved into the White House. What is a screen scratcher? Commander Nelson, who co...
Read full storyBrown Mass at Saints of Grace Lutheran Church
Greenwich CT: "Never before has there been such a horror!" said Rev. Paul Martin. He, along with 138 congregants looked somewhat dazed and had a vacant thousand yard stare in their eyes. The front lawn of Saints of Grace Lutheran Church looked like a...
Read full storyAmerican Airlines Moves to Inconvenience Based Frequent Flier Program
American Airlines, in an effort to keep up with competitor's complete disregard for customer service, has decided to overhaul their frequent flyer program. The airline will now award miles based on money spent and inconveniences endured in effort to...
Read full storyAmazon buys Rhode Island
In a move that will surely mark the beginning of the New World Order, Amazon has purchased the entire state of Rhode Island to be its East side, western hemisphere distribution center. Before the move the state used its power of Eminent domain t...
Read full storyBarack Obama's College Transcript Found In Pigeon Drop Scam
BILLINGSGATE POST: The original copy of the Columbia University transcript of Barack Hussein Obama; aka, Barry Soetoro, was found as a result of a pigeon drop scam that required Dr. Billingsgate to deposit a large amount of money in a brown paper ba...
Read full storyJimmy Buffett Opens Chain Of Run-Down Trailer Parks
Gulf Shores Beach, FL - Jimmy Buffett doesn't need to be searching for his 'lost shaker of salt' anymore, he can easily afford to hire someone to find it for him. The music legend, who's been touring the country with his Coral Reefer Band for decades...
Read full storySatan's Summer Committee of 300 Address
Satan was as ever resplendent and in buoyant mood as he made his way to his throne at London's Coventry Masonic Hall. J.K. Rowling who had used the hall for her Harry Potter film post-premier celebrations was in attendance to introduce him. Satan...
Read full storyCavs no longer champions after Lebron tests positive for Estrogen doping!
Breaking news in the sports world: The city of Cleveland once again has absolutely nothing to be proud of. Their beloved Cavaliers are officially the first team to have their championship expunged, adding to the never ending misery that makes Clevela...
Read full storySouthwestern US To Become Golf Course And Resort Under President Trump
After his rival Hillary Clinton criticized Donald Trump for a lack of specific policy proposals, Trump revealed an economic plan to develop the southwestern US into one large continuous golf course. Trumpadero Links and Resort will cover nearly o...
Read full story"Where's My Bloody Unicorn?" Demands Leave Voter
Leave voters across the UK are awaiting the delivery of their brand new unicorns following the historic victory of the Leave Campaign this week. Derek Wensleydale, 65, a political activist and part time drinker from Scarborough, North Yorkshire,...
Read full storyAdult Diapers to Underwrite 'Oldchella' Concert Series
Depends Adult Diapers (D.A.D), has announced it will be a major sponsor of the upcoming Desert Trip Concerts this November in Indio, CA. The featured artists at the two weekend shows include the Rolling Stones, Bob Dylan, Paul McCartney and other ea...
Read full storyMost Brits Would Rather Call Their EU Exit 'Leavey McLeave Face!'
Britain, U.K. - After casting millions of votes to name England's new oceanic research vessel Boaty McBoat Face, and then being denied the name by those in charge of naming boats and stuff, most british citizens would now like to stop using the word...
Read full storyResearchers Reveal People Love Their Dogs More Than Their Children
A team of researchers at Michigan state university have evidence that confirms what many have long suspected: People love their dogs more than their kids. The research team led by Dr. April Mgonke took real time scans of subjects brains and looked at specific areas of the brain that became active when subjects were asked either about their pets or their children. "We saw that areas in the...
Read full storyCongress Invites Queen Elizabeth II to Assume Presidency
Washington D.C.: In the first bilateral effort since the inception of the United States, Republicans and Democrats have unanimously decided to install British Queen Elizabeth II as the next president after Obama leaves office. "Let's be honest: Sh...
Read full storyAce in the Rotation?
Tom Brady posted his baseball card on Facebook this week. You never knew Tom was the choice of the Montreal Expos in '95? You never knew Montreal had a team called Expos? You never knew Tom played ball in 1895? Join the club. And we don't mean th...
Read full storyMadonna on Obama
Today we are here with none other than Madonna Ciccone, also known as just "Madonna". Madonna is a superstar by any standard, having scores of top 40 hits spanning over decades, with crossover success in both films and publications. Madonna has been able to make over her image time and time again with great success, although lately Madonna seems stuck in the 80s. We reached out to Madonna to ge...
Read full storyDr. Phil: "Achieve your higher consciousness---stick your texting finger up your Ass!"
The audience at the Dr. Phil TV program gasped this afternoon when Dr. Phil unloaded on a program participant who had been found guilty of texting while driving in North Carolina severely injuring a woman and her small child. The man seemed totally unrepentant as Dr. Phil interviewed him. Dr. Phil: "Don't you feel terrible that your negligence caused these injuries of innocent people?" Ma...
Read full storyTrump Threatens New Season of Apprentice if Not Elected
Donald Trump made another bold statement the other day that sent shivers down the spine of many Americans. Trump held a press conference yesterday at the grand opening of the first Trump pancake house, IHOT, otherwise known as the International House...
Read full storyBrewmaster of all - Vermont based brewing co. unveils unique holiday flavors
The Boston Massacre Brewing Company of Vermont recently invited me to a tasting of their new offerings. They have beaten the competition to the ultimate goal by producing the first 365 pack. It consists of beers made up to match the nuances of every day of the year. I first sampled A stars and striped bottle of "INDEPENDENCE DAY ALE" made from Apple pie, Frankfurters, and the scrapings o...
Read full storyMan On Bus Was Talking Absolute Shit
A passenger on a bus in the northern city of Hull was said by another man sitting close by, to be speaking 'total shit', it has been reported. Moys Kenwood, 51, was travelling on an East Yorkshire service 121 to Beverley this afternoon, when a gen...
Read full storyISIS In Retreat Ever Since Obama Said "Radical Islamists"
Proving Donald Trump's political acumen once again, ISIS has been on the run ever since president Obama uttered the phrase "radical islamists." Political analysts are saying it was just a coincidence that Obama gave a speech where he mentioned t...
Read full storyMan demands surgery to give him another anus
Chicago man Chicago Mann, 37, has demanded that his doctor "tears him a new one". Mr Mann says that he has always identified as a man with two anuses, although he was born with only one. "It's literally as if I'm a man with two anuses trapped in t...
Read full storyNew CrowdHit Site let's You Crowdfund And Advertise For Contract Killers
A disturbing new website CrowdHit.com is online and it's been called the Uber for contract killers. CrowdHit lets people post and crowdfund a contract to have someone killed, then professional or other killers for hire can browse the website and pick...
Read full storyTrump Opposes Mexican Wolf Re-introduction In Southwestern US
Donald Trump called for a ban on Mexican wolf re-introduction programs that have been in place for decades, programs aimed at restoring the wolf to it's historical place in the southwestern US's ecosystem. The Mexican wolf, canis lupus baileyi, ha...
Read full storyProtests grow in aftermath of Euro exit
There was fury last night when it emerged that England's entire Euro 16 squad (with the exception of Jack Wilshere) have been refused Personal Independence Payment (PIP). Manager Roy Hodgson resigned in disgust, with a close friend claiming, "Roy...
Read full storyScotch Whisky lovers force referendum veto!
Scotch whisky lovers from all over the planet, after recovering from heavy hangovers on Thursday night, have forced the Scottish minister, Nicola Sturgeon, into applying Scotland's veto to nullify the "Leave vote!" They have also rioted in front o...
Read full storyMigrant Workers Flock To North Carolina For Bathroom Police Jobs
Many illegal immigrants are now security officers trusted with enforcing North Carolina's new bathroom gender laws, and many in the state are crying foul over the conditions that breed a preference for hiring illegal workers over North Carolina worke...
Read full storyGermany and Britain united in the face of Brexit
In an unexpected show of support for the British people, Angela Merkel has agreed that rules can be changed retrospectively in the event of an unexpected result. It is reported that Germany's Chancellor and leading EU Remainer had secret talks las...
Read full storyTrump Cabinet To Be Named Shortly--Putin, Marla, among others, to be Pleased
Washington, D.C.: Sources close to presumed nominee Donald Trump state that Trump is already considering nominees for his cabinet if he wins the presidency. With presumed Chief of Staff Corey Lewandowski at the helm, Lewandowski is certain to push...
Read full storyMan Buys Hillary's Email Server On eBay
Raising doubts about the thoroughness of the FBI's investigation into Emailgate, a Pennsyvannia man claims he bought Hillary Clinton's old email server on an eBay auction--and, the man says--the server still has files on it, some possibly classified.
Read full storyJehovah's Witnesses to Combine With The Family (Children of God)
Warwick, NY The Jehovah's Witnesses announced today that they will be merging with the group The Family, formerly known as the Children of God. "We have been looking at ways to let people know about the coming Armageddon that we've changed the dat...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Will Start Writing the Song First, Then Meet and Break Up With Next Boyfriend
Beverly Hills, CA Taylor Swift announced that because she is getting behind on her music contracts, she will start writing and recording the songs in advance that she writes about meeting new guys and getting her heart broken. With the new arrang...
Read full storyDear Democrats
Guess what I found in my bowl of cereal this morning? It's a Super Duper Delegate Ticket to your Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia. Unfortunately a medical condition prevents me from attending. I'm allergic to political hypocrisy. My question is: Can I sell the ticket or trade it for something I can use? My understanding is that a super duper delegate is granted special po...
Read full story