Kid Makes Nuclear Bomb Out of Vegetable Soup

Written by mikewadestr

Thursday, 30 June 2016

image for Kid Makes Nuclear Bomb Out of Vegetable Soup
Gonna see how big a mushroom I can make!

Sterling, Virginia boy, Hank Incendiary, has managed to cultivate the latent radiation in vegetable soup and use it to assemble a nuclear bomb. Using a homemade radiation absorption brush built from pieces of Lego, Hank managed to accumulate 20 lbs of pure polonium as well as 100 lbs of Uranium 235 from thousands of cans of vegetable soup.

"This kid is really something else", stated Homeland Security Agent Larry Lunkhead. "He got all of his bomb making information from a website named Bomb Makers Life and just went out and made the whole thing happen".

"From our stand point he has done nothing illegal seeing that he applied and received a permit to build the bomb from the Nuclear Bomb Regulatory Commission. What he cannot do, though is transport the bomb or detonate it seeing he does not possess the proper permits as of yet. Their applications are currently being processed by the commission as we speak".

His mother was a bit flabbergasted when given the news of Hank's accomplishment.

"I'm completely aghast!" claimed a horrified Mrs. Incendiary. "Here all along I thought he was eating all the thousands of cans of vegetable soup I was giving him, not making a bomb out of it. I really thought he just liked eating a lot of vegetable soup".

When asked what she would do about the situation she replied:

"As long as he keeps his room clean and keeps his grades up he can keep it. But, one slip up and that thing goes right into the outside trashcan".

Hank was questioned as to what he would do with the bomb if he received the transportation and detonation permits and replied:

"I think I'll donate the whole thing to some third world country in order to help the poor kids".

As of press time sightings of strange men hanging around Hank's house have been reported as well as Hank receiving bizarre emails from both Al Qaeda and ISIS with content such as:

"A lived in room is a messy room".

And:

"Why have good grades when you can blow up the palisades".

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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