BILLINGSGATE POST: The original copy of the Columbia University transcript of Barack Hussein Obama; aka, Barry Soetoro, was found as a result of a pigeon drop scam that required Dr. Billingsgate to deposit a large amount of money in a brown paper bag in order to see said transcript.
Approached by two young ladies who claimed they found the bag in the transgender restroom of the Metropolitan Art Museum, the good doctor could hardly help himself from peeing his pants upon being given a "sneak preview" of the long sought after transcript of Columbia University student, Barack Hussein Obama.
After relieving himself in a facility with a question mark on the door, he was given the opportunity to purchase the transcript for $3000. Peeling off three Grover Clevelands, he was passed the Holy Grail by the conniving chicks.
For what it's worth, here it is:
Date of Transcript: June 1, 1981
Student Name: Barack Hussein Obama
AKA: Barry Soetoro
Student ID No: 0
Birth date: No birth certificate found
Last Address: None found
Class Position: Unknown
Special Admission: Foreign Student
Recommendation: Harvard Law School
NOTE: If Dr. Billingsgate can come up with another 3 Large, he will be given access to President Obama's Harvard Law School transcripts. Donations accepted.