American Airlines, in an effort to keep up with competitor's complete disregard for customer service, has decided to overhaul their frequent flyer program. The airline will now award miles based on money spent and inconveniences endured in effort to reward customers for putting up with AA's bullshit.
The Company President explained, "We realized that flying with us can be quite a hassle, especially with baggage fees, oversold flights, all of our delays and cancelations, and other fiascos that occur. So we decided to reward our frequently frustrated customers with even more infuriating flights with American Airlines!"
In the new program customers will receive double miles on every flight that is delayed more then thirty minutes, and five times miles for every mile flown if the flight is canceled.
Tickets earned from the new frequent flyer program cannot be used on weekends, national holidays, religious holidays, or vacations. Tickets will never be first class, and will most likely be a middle seat with little to no leg room. Baggage fees, delays, and turbulence still apply. Customers will however receive a complimentary bag of peanuts and a small beverage (ice not included)!
Side effects include: nausea, intense anger, violence, anxiety, depression, and constipation.