Written by Michael Balton

Friday, 3 June 2016

image for Dear Democrats
Conventions can be a riot.

Guess what I found in my bowl of cereal this morning? It's a Super Duper Delegate Ticket to your Democratic National Convention in Philadelphia.

Unfortunately a medical condition prevents me from attending. I'm allergic to political hypocrisy.

My question is: Can I sell the ticket or trade it for something I can use?

My understanding is that a super duper delegate is granted special powers, like the ability to leap Trump buildings in a single bound and the authority to undermine six months worth of popular primary voting with a single stroke of the pen. That must be worth something to someone. Don't you think?

But wait. I have a few other concerns: Is Willy Wonka still trading those golden tickets? Tell him to count me in.

Also: Is it true that the convention will feature a grudge match between IBM's Watson and Hillary's private email server? And how much is Bernie paying the Oompa Loompas to get out the vote?

Finally: Can you get me the number of a good endocrinologist?

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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Topics: Politics

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