Pluto could have an underground ocean: So let's not swim in the the Kuiper Belt

Funny story written by Samuel Vargo

Thursday, 23 June 2016

image for Pluto could have an underground ocean: So let's not swim in the the Kuiper Belt
The earth and an unknown exoplanet. It's not Pluto, though, but an unnamed rock.

Lurking somewhere way down under the icy crust of the planet which is now no longer a planet could lie an ocean. Deep under a layer of ice, 186 miles deep, may lie this humongous mass of liquid.

In a paper published this week in Geophysical Research Letters, researchers from Brown University say they've been studying how Pluto's surface expands, but it does not contract. This is evidence that there might be water underneath the surface of Pluto, which was demoted from being the ninth planet in our Solar System to a "dwarf planet" in 2006. Pluto is such a lightweight, in fact, that its small size surprised the scientific community who predicted it would be as large as Jupiter right after Pluto was discovered on Feb. 18, 1930, by Clyde Tombaugh of the Lowell Observatory. The moons in our Solar System such as Ganymede, Titan, Callisto, Io, Europa, Triton, and the Earth's moon are all larger than Pluto. Pluto has 66% of our Moon's diameter and just 18% of its mass. So if you find yourself naked and shivering on Pluto, just thank your lucky stars you're not on a Hot Jupiter exoplanet 700 light years from our sun. And if you get homesick, the chance is pretty much nil of you ever returning to Earth. So, so long, cowboy!

"If there were a subsurface ocean that had completely frozen (forming a kind of dense ice called 'ice II' in the process) then researchers would also expect to find geographical features that look like the planet's surface has contracted. But none of those contracting features have been observed yet, opening up the possibility that there is a liquid ocean deep under Pluto's surface," according to Popular Science.

"'That's amazing to me,' Noah Hammond, lead author of the paper said. 'The possibility that you could have vast liquid water ocean habitats so far from the sun on Pluto - and that the same could also be possible on other Kuiper belt objects as well - is absolutely incredible.'" Hammond said in the Popular Science article.

"A liquid ocean isn't the only thing moving on Pluto. A few weeks ago, researchers revealed that slowly churning nitrogen ice might be the cause of strange polygonal shapes on the planet's surface. And still more evidence emerged in March showing that Pluto might have clouds and even a weather cycle," the Popular Science article continues.

"Other bodies in our solar system are also expected to have super-chilled oceans under their surfaces, including Enceladus, a moon of Saturn, and Ganymede a moon of Jupiter," the article reads.

If you've happened to click on this particular article, you're most likely fighting off insomnia and are attempting to get drowsy enough to fall asleep. So I've included a few "yawning" facts about Pluto to assist you in getting into sleepy time mode:

* This planet is named Pluto after the Roman god of the underworld. And it's a good thing you're fighting off insomnia instead of having a nightmare that includes this Roman god, who is very ugly and sinister looking.

* It takes Pluto 246.04 Earth years to orbit the Sun. So if you find yourself on Pluto for this long, pat yourself on the back because you'll be the oldest human being who ever lived.

* Sunlight on Pluto has the same intensity as moonlight on Earth. So suffice it to say, if you live on the North or South Poles, it's like Miami Beach compared to living on Pluto.

* Pluto has an atmosphere sometimes. And this atmosphere is comprised of nitrogen, methane and carbon monoxide. So if you can safely breath this mixure of noxious gases and can get a taxi to transport you to the the Kuiper Belt, have fun, especially during spring break. And with Pluto's eccentric and unpredictable orbit, who in the hell knows when spring break will take place on Pluto?

* Pluto and its moon Charon form a binary system. This means that the center of mass of Pluto and Charon is outside of Pluto and Pluto moves in small circles while Charon orbits it. So if you happen to get a taxi to take you to Pluto, you might want to make a stop on Cheron first, to get a bird's eye view of the little Planet that didn't quite make it as a real, rootin' tootin' planet; but instead, got demoted to a dwarf planet. And scientists don't even know if Pluto is our Solar System's largest dwarf planet. Eris might be the top-dawg of our dwarf planets - making Pluto a whimpering, paranoid little sycophant of the Kuiper Belt - shoved way, way, way, way out there by our Sun and our other Solar System bullies, like Jupiter and Saturn.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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