San Fernando, CA - A male pornographic film star filed a suit in San Fernando District Court yesterday. In it he alleges that actresses he works with, who constantly tell him on camera that his "cock is so fucking huge." and refer to it as "fat" when they're saying they're going to put it in their mouths, are using "hurtful language," constituting harassment that makes the porno sets on which he labors a "hostile work environment."
Porn observers insist that such talk is "simply part of the script," though, in this case, that won't prove much of a defense because the actresses named in the suit have already admitted in depositions that they can't read.
Wayne Carter, screen name "Mike Oggsbig," is seeking two million dollars in damages from "Wall Splat Productions," a pornographic film company owned by Francis Ford Coppola, most famous for the Godfather but also a long standing porn connoisseur and big supporter of the industry in general.
The brief, filed in court yesterday, cites several actresses who "display an almost incessant pattern" of referring to Carter's cock as "humongous" and "fat."" Carter claims the women stigmatized him and his penis and made him feel "different" and "unwelcome."
"They always ask if it intends to hurt them," Carter claims in an affidavit, "attributing to my cock malevolent intent, as if my cock, or any cock, for that matter, is even capable of wishing someone harm."
Carter went on to call their questions "stupid", saying his cock was "incapable of reason."
"It's "obviously brainless," he stated. "Any third-grade science student could tell you that."
Carter claimed that he was particularly hurt while filming a kitchen blow job scene last winter. One of the actresses asked "my God? How much does this thing weigh?" as she was slapping his cock against her tits.
"That's a question you'd ask about a huge sack of fertilizer or a giant paper weight," wrote Carter. "Not someone's stiff cock."
The actresses filed a motion for summary judgment to dismiss the suit, in which they stated:
"kalling a dewdz dick fucking big is norml in pornoz and the director whacking off whyle filming alwayz yellz at us to say 'tell him his cock is fuckin' huge' and then start sucking it again only more harder and sometimez the director has a big dick himself and is coming through it when he yellz at us as we suck the other cock and say it's so god dam big."
Carter claims also that by constantly calling his cock "huge" and "fat," the actresses are responsible for the company that insures his cock raising his premiums by 500%.
Company executives, apprised of rumors that porn actresses in Carter's films were r calling Carter's cock "fucking gigantic" as it ejaculated all over them, initiated a week long investigation into its size.
"Porn actresses are a pretty jaded lot," said Bingham Brookshire, vice-President of Leeds Insurance, London. "Their idea of a small cock is ten inches, so when we heard through the grapevine that we were insuring a man whom these ladies said had a 'huge cock', we owed it to our shareholders to review his films and make a professional assessment as to its size and then calculate the corresponding risk the bearer of such a dong is statistically most likely to take."
A spokesman for the company claims their actuarial tables show conclusively that "men with big cocks are prone to risky behaviors that specifically involve the cock itself, thereby putting those men in a high risk category for which truly massive premiums are more than amply justified."
The spokesman said the risks of insuring humongous cocks has become so great that "few respectable companies insure them anymore."
"You never get back in premiums what you shell out paying reattachment bills after just one, so-called, 'inadvertent' severing," the spokesman said.
Court watchers believe the case will most likely be dismissed, in part because ObamaCare fully covers all cock related health care needs, no matter how huge.
