After Brexit, Texas mulls "Texit"

Funny story written by Tom Williams

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

image for After Brexit, Texas mulls "Texit"
Texas is mulling exiting the U.S. with the Texit, leading to a new name.

DALLAS - Emboldened by Great Britain's decision to exit the European Union, the Texas legislature is gearing up to consider a bill that would allow the Lone Star State to exit the United States.

Texas State Sen. Adam Philbin said the bill, calling for what's being dubbed the "Texit," would free his state from a relationship in which it pours more money into the United States than it receives and give it better control of its borders.

"There is no reason that Texas should surrender control of its borders or economy to a federal government that, at least periodically, is run by an administration hostile to its interests," Philbin said.

The bill points to issues regarding border control and taxation, in which Texas' massive oil revenues are funneled to other states.

"Great Britain is tired of paying more than its fair share to Europe," Philbin said. "The great state of Texas is tired of funding the United States."

Supporters of the Texit, which would require a two thirds majority vote in Texas, see it as a way of allowing the state to legislate its own gun laws.

"We don't just want a wall on the southern border," said Reggie Poole, another supporter of the bill."We want a wall to keep New Yorkers and others and their views out as well."

Presumptive Republican Party presidential nominee Donald H. Trump said Texas can exit, but added it would then have to find a new name.

"If they leave the United States, we might have to build a wall around them," Trump said. "But it isn't clear whether the wall would be to keep people from going into Texas or from going out."

Initial suggestions for a new name for the new nation state include Trumpistan, Trumpsylvannia, Trumpsolovakia, as well as Georgistan and New Georgia in honor of the Bushes.

Others, however, said the new nation could simply be called "West Texas" or some other modification of the state's name.

Presumptive Democratic Party presidential nominee Hillary Clinton saw Texas' decision as dangerous and a sign of the Dis-United States of America.

"If Texas leaves the nation, that would be a disaster regardless of the new name," she said. "It could pass its own laws without any impact from the federal government and that would not be a good thing."

Clinton, however, then reconsidered, noting that "Texas already is passing its own laws, which is a problem."

George W. Bush and George H.W. Bush said they are not interested in becoming president of Texas, even if it exits.

"Why should we leave the United States?" George W. Bush asked, noting that Jeb might be interested in becoming president of the new nation. "With a little more work, we can turn the rest of the country into Texas without the oil."

Some supporters of the Texit say it would improve the United States, noting that Texas has numerous practices at odds with much of the nation.

"Let them leave," said Arthur Grant, a New York City resident. "They're their own country already. Why not let them elect their own president - as opposed to supplying us with ours?"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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