Written by Ossurworld

Saturday, 4 June 2016

Tom Brady posted his baseball card on Facebook this week. You never knew Tom was the choice of the Montreal Expos in '95? You never knew Montreal had a team called Expos? You never knew Tom played ball in 1895? Join the club.

And we don't mean the Patriots. Yes, Tom was a multi-talented player in his heyday of adolescence. Of course, now is his second adolescence.

There are few players who look younger at 40 than they did at 18, but Tom Brady usually breaks all the rules.

On his fantasy baseball card, with no chewing gum included, he does not list his position as a baseball player. We suspect he'd be what we call a utility ballplayer, someone who could fill in anywhere.

With his cannon arm as part of his repertoire, if not his canon, Tom likely could be a fastball reliever. However, Tom never comes into a game in the fourth quarter, let alone the ninth inning. We see him as a starter, never a non-starter.

Alas, it is difficult to let the air out of a baseball, to gain a better grip on the knuckleball he would toss to strike out Julian Edelman every time he came up to bat.

We aren't sure where to put him in the batting order. Would he set the table for the big eating Babe Ruth Gronk? We know he would not be stealing any bases with his flatfooted speed.

We're just grateful that Tom chose to grace the gridiron, not work as a moundkeeper.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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