Theologists Confirm Satan Invented Leaf-Blowers

Written by Paul Blake

Sunday, 12 June 2016

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Have you seen this guy lurking in your neighborhood?

Jerusalem, Israel - A team of Oxford Theologists have confirmed what many believers have suspected for the last twenty years--that the most annoying of all gardening equipment was first thought up by the devil himself.

"We stumbled across a very dusty version of The Bible in the sub-basement of the Jerusalem Public Library," told Christian Lovehugs, the leader of the bible-study group that unearthed the damning evidence. At first we could scarcely believe our eyes, but clearly this is the proof that we've been searching for--Lucifer is solely responsible for all the incessant weekend noise, not to mention the severely sharp decline in rake sales around the globe!

Lovehugs then read us the passage from the lost Bible's Book of Satanic Devices And Very Bad Recipes, which states: "And let no man sleep past eight-o'-clock on a Saturday morning, yet wake furiously to the sound of a thousand locusts gathered at his window. And let no baby peacefully take its afternoon rest for more than twenty minutes at a time, without the noise of a dead foliage being swirled into a frenzied hurricane at its door. And let it be, that where once a mild rake would have happily aided man, now he cannot live without making a cacophony of audible annoyances unto his neighbors, in order to save five to ten minutes of his own precious time."

"So there we have it! The exact proof we have been searching for all this time," told a gleeful Lovehugs, "Satan not only invented banana-meatloaf, and the shitty, rattling motorcycle engines we now call Harley Davidsons, but he also invented the bane of all suburban dwellers too!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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