The 'Fellatio Cafe', set to open in Geneva, Switzerland, by end of the year, will allow its customers to order a coffee before choosing a prostitute on their iPads. Men will have to pay more than £40 for the hot, robust drink and lascivious sex act, said a representative of the firm behind scheme - Facegirl - according to an article in The Daily Mail.
This sum equates to $53.31 in American dollars. "Customers would pay more than £40 for the drink and sex act," according to a spokesman from Facegirl, "which is modelling the idea on similar establishments in Thailand," The Daily Mail reports in this article.
"A representative from the company, calling himself Bradley Chavet, said men would order what they want and then sit at the bar," The Daily Mail reports. "'In five or ten minutes, it's all over,' Charvet told newspaper Le Matin. "The 'coffee' would be the most expensive in the city at 60 Swiss francs - along with a five franc surplus for the drink," The Daily Mail article reads.
What's the difference between paying this sum for an act of fellatio and along with it, this 'specialty' cafe' forces its patrons to also purchase a cup of coffee and/or vice versa? Does Facegirl have some kind of screening process in hiring potential employees? What entails a Facegirl interview for 'new hires'? How do they ask for "experience" and is "experience" an essential part of getting hired by 'The Fellatio Cafe'? And what happens if some poor woman just ups and quits right in the middle of one of these libidinous acts of sodomy?
The biggest question I want to ask is will 'The Fellatio Cafe' fire its employees for not performing these acts of 'lip service' up to the standards this hokey-fanoky company sets for its workers? And what exactly are these standards, if some 'yardstick' for such a thing exists in the employees' brochure of parent company - Facegirl?
This reporter had an opportunity to interview one of the Facegirl 'girls' right after she was interviewed for a job working at 'The Fellatio Cafe'. She was weeping loudly and tears were running down her face.
"I thought all I had to do was pour coffee for this job. I had no idea that 'The Fellatio Cafe' wanted me to do THAT!"
"Well, didn't you realize there was something wrong with this company just by knowing the name of this cafe? Didn't you put two and two together?" I asked the pretty woman, who wasn't any spring chicken, but who held her age well - better than most women half her age, in fact.
So the woman, whose name was Ingrid [I didn't get this voluptuous woman's last name, but it sounded guttural and nasty. When she spoke her last name it sounded like something that an angry grizzly bear would snarl. Luckily, I had four years of studying the Romansh language in elementary school and middle school. Funny, I never dreamed I'd ever be able to use this knowledge, and then wallah, I met Ingrid.
"I'm just a ditzy blonde with a nice figure and full, pouting lips. How was I to know? When I filled out the Facegirl application, the company didn't ask for my IQ. It's 79 by the way. But that doesn't quite matter when guys are watching you walk away from them. Ha ha ha ha," Ingrid told this reporter.
And so Ingrid went on to say, "Honestly, Mister, I thought 'fellatio' was another name for an airplane or a boat. I had no idea that it meant THAT! Of course, I come with a lot of experience with that sort of thing. My last ten boyfriends and my two ex-husbands made sure I did. I'm just a beautiful 40-year-old vixen who wants to make a living, that's all. I'm considering applying for a job as an automobile mechanic. My first husband, who's also ex-husband number one, and I operated a garage on the outskirts of Zurich."
"So what happened during the Facegirl interview?" I asked Ingrid.
"Well this old fart took me into a room with two chairs. There was a pillow right under his chair. He asked me my age, then he asked me what my measurements were and I told him 44-27-39, and then he asked me if I've ever had a sexually transmitted disease. I said 'No' but I told him I had chicken pox when I was 11-years-old. And that I had a pretty bad cold oh, about a month ago. And then he told me to give him a blowjob. I couldn't believe it!" she said.
"Man, that's really lowdown and despicable," I uttered. "It sounds like you may have a good case for sexual harassment, if you want to go ape-shit and get hyper-cruel and super-litigious about the interview with that old goat," I said.
"I think there might be some money to be had. You're right. And it will help defray the start-up costs in opening up my Little Miss Fix-It Garage. That's what I'm calling it in Romansh," Ingrid said.
According to The Daily Mail article, an anti-prostitution group claims this type of business scenario - if you want to call it such a thing - would only benefit the men involved in setting up the business. And if this writer can editorialize a bit, Facegirl and its horrid little venture, 'The Fellatio Cafe' are nothing less than fancy names for a pimp. And pimps are monsters that take advantage of women in the most evil and corrupt ways imaginable.
According to The Local, as quoted in The Daily Mail article, prostitution is legal in Switzerland with sex workers required to have permits to operate. The Local is a news site that covers Austria, Denmark, France, Germany, Italy, Norway, Spain, Sweden, and Switzerland.
Meanwhile, The Local reports that businesses must register as massage parlors if two or more prostitutes are working there, The Daily Mail article goes on to read.
And my new acquaintance Ingrid told me "There's no way in hell I'm going to work for those pigs. Aren't there some kind of suction cups, or some kind of gizmo of some variety, sold in porno stores where these creeps can attach them to their dickiemadongs to get the same effect? Why bring women into this mess? If these pervs are so desperate that they have to buy a cup of expensive coffee to have their fun, they're desperate enough to have sex with something that looks and acts like a plunger."
"You've definitely got a point there, girly," I said.
Still weeping wildly, Ingrid opined, "Facegirl and 'The Fellatio Cafe' make it a good argument to allow bestiality worldwide. Oh, I'd never want a poor chicken, a goat, or a cow to have its lips attacked by one of these perverts. 'The Fellatio Cafe' ruined my life! But I'll be alright by tomorrow. I have yoga class in the morning and a lunch date with this handsome young police officer in the afternoon."
"Good for you, Ingrid. Don't let them get you down. That old buzzard who interviewed you was a world-class asshole," I said, trying to console the poor, teary-eyed, sobbing lady. Then I kissed her on the cheek and she slapped my face and said, "HOW DARE YOU!" in her native tongue.
