The Jersey Shore's "Snooki" Fined $500 For Tossing Pizza Slices At Unsuspecting Seagulls
SEASIDE HEIGHTS, New Jersey - The Jersey Shore's cast member known as "Snooki" has been fined $500 for throwing pizza slices at unsuspecting seagulls. The Jersey Shore's pint-sized actress, whose real name is Nicole Polizzi, told Seaside Heights p...
Read full storySlave to Love?
Robert Pattisnon has hit back at recent gossip column claims that he is Kristen Stewarts "slave". "Its just simply not true," , he said in a recent interview over a beer and cigarette in a bar in Texas. "It is true, that I sometimes run errands...
Read full storyProstitutes to sue Rooney
"BAPS" - The British Association of ProstituteS - announced today its intention to sue Manchester United player, Wayne Rooney. Rooney, once again in the news for paying for sex has now been deemed by the organsation as damaging its important brand...
Read full storyAmerica asks - Who is Piers Morgan?
After it was announced that Larry King will be replaced by Piers Morgan on CNN, millions of Americans asked the question - Who is Piers Morgan? Well after several minutes of investigative journalism the Spoof can now reveal everything an American...
Read full story"Juicy Jeni" Scores Big Adult Sex Toy Endorsement From Arkansas Mail Order Company!
A spokesman for the marketing company representing Wayne Rooney's practice goalie, Jenny Thompson, announced today the industrious sex worker scored big outside of Rooney's bedroom with a 'high 6 figure endorsement contract with a major US mail orde...
Read full storyBook burning to go ahead
The proposed book burning in Hyde Park of Tony Blair's biography is to go ahead, despite pleas from George Bush to the organisers of the event to desist. 'We feel this demonstration will mean a great deal to those who feel strongly about the harm...
Read full storyHomeless Homo Hobo Forms New Political Movement
BOSTON, MA - Frank Barney, a homosexual homeless man residing on Newbury Street held a press conference today to announce the formation of a new political movement, The PEE-Party. Barney said "We are tired of having to urinate in alleys and sleep...
Read full storyMel Gibson Ordered To Attend Anger Management Classes And On The First Day He Threatens To Attack The Instructor
OXNARD, California - The state of California has mandated that part of Mel Gibson's journey back to sensibility is a ten-step anger management program conducted at Oxnard's Pacific Coast A&M University. State spokesperson Courtland B. Bickavec...
Read full storyScottish footy team booted out of pro soccer!
The once so proud Scottish footy team and its kilted Tartan Army have been booted out of the pro-Soccer world and forced back into amateur status. The reasons are quite clear, Scotland are just bloody awful and after their dismal display against t...
Read full storyBrigitte Bardot Launches Jackass Nine!
The one-time sex goddess of movies has launched a complaint against a Russian television station over a Jackass stunt, according to a Russian newspaper I won't even try to write down. "They show people who take a jackass and strapped it to a paras...
Read full storyOn Koran burning and equally despicable acts of Islamist terrorim - God says "Enough is enough"
As inter-faith groups, the Vatican, politicians, Army generals and reasonable people all over the world question the sanity of the Florida idiot-preacher who is threatening to burn the Koran, the Chief God of Gods has now stepped into the debate.
Read full storyMel Gibson Has Alzheimers Disease!
People wondering what happened to Mel Gibson over the past couple of years have seen a complete breakdown of the famous actor. He divorced his wife after a marriage that lasted longer than 95% of those in Hollywood. He then took up with a much...
Read full storyCelestial death spiral appears over Balmoral
Scotland - (Portents): The IRAs 23166+1655-designated dust spiral in the constellation of Pegasus was spotted by the Hubble telescope this morning. The phenomenon, known as a pre-planetary nebula, is a classic prelude to a super star's end, tradi...
Read full storyHurricane Higgins Cleared of Snooker Match Fixing Due to His Being Dead
Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins was yesterday found to be innocent of match-fixing allegations after it transpired that he was in fact deceased at the time. Higgins, who chose not to appear in court, had always previously maintained his innocence but su...
Read full storyCNN finally confirms Larry King was just a dessicated mummy - replaces him with waxy Piers Morgan
NEW YORK, NEW YORK: Struggling network CNN has finally confirmed what America already knew - that 105-year old prime-time TV interviewer Larry King died long ago and his embalmed, shiny body posed on a hidden puppeteer's knee had been masquerading a...
Read full storyRobotcops use Ashwarya Rai influenced Bollywood choreography to confront pro-Pak stone pelters in Kashmir
KASHMIR, INDIA: Perplexed pro-Pak stone pelters in this Indian state are facing a new nemesis - Robot-cops. In a scene reminiscent of sci-fi bots of yore, Kashmir troops are now clad in high-tech black riot gear, covered head to foot in plastic a...
Read full storyPair of "Bunnies" get mutilated in the UK and Playboy boss Hugh Hefner is furious.
A pair of innocent UK "Bunnies" were found mutilated with their ears chopped off and thrown in a cardboard box and when Hugh Hefner heard the story he thought it was about 2 of his UK "Bunnies"1 From the US he ordered the Britsh MI5 to go and sear...
Read full storyJennifer Thompson Has Been Asked To Appear On The Next Season of Dancing On Ice
LONDON - The producer of the popular British show Dancing on Ice, Burgess Willowhouse, has just announced that he has asked the very popular prostitute Jennifer Thompson to appear as a contestant on the next edition of the highly rated ice dancing sh...
Read full storyScarborough, Whitby and N. Yorkshire Councils, successfully rewarded with 'Jobsworth Achievements Citation'.
Pannetts Park in Whitby, North Yorkshire: Jobsworth Park Officer approaches an eight month pregnant lady and her 3 year old son, to tell her about a by-law that her young son's bicycle stabilisers were a health and safety hazard. The Jobsworth Pa...
Read full storyQuran Burning Church to Merge with "God Hates Fags" Church
In a not too surprising pair of coordinated press releases, Shirley Phelps-Rogers of Westboro Baptist Church and Rev. Terry Jones of Dove World Outreach Center today announced plans to merge into a single hate filled church of ignorant lunatics. The...
Read full storyCowboys Don't Complain
Unlike the stoic British, who bravely endure, cowboys accept their lot by simmering until they boil. Kicking a rock as hard as possible is an acceptable resolution for pent up anger. Or, if there is a rattlesnake handy, stomping the hell out of him before he bites you is high on the kick butt list of cowboy psychological frustration responses. Ignoring a whiner, who in response escalates his ve...
Read full storyJoe Biden On Chicago: "The Windy City is Great, I got a a Blow Job There Once!
VP Joe Biden stepped in it again when he was caught on mike at the White House Press conference where Obama was praising retiring Chicago Mayor Richard Daley, and appointing him as Ambassador to Pakistan. Biden, with eyes glazed over, suddenly cam...
Read full storyObama Defies Critics: Mayor Daley 'eminently qualified to be Ambassador to Pakistan!"
With the announcement that Chicago Mayor Richard Daley is retiring, President Obama was faced with a new catastrophic hole to fill, and he wasted no time in plugging it announcing Daley would be his ambassador to Pakistan! The Daley family has run...
Read full story"Woodman, Spare That Tree!"
One of the best feuds to surface since the famous Hatfield and McCoys has erupted in the aptly named, one horse town of, Western Mill,near Plymouth. Seemingly, it all started way back in 1991 when broody,overweight, blond, blue-eyed East German ma...
Read full storyChildren Who Eat Alpha-Bits Cereal 30% Smarter Than Those Who Don't
Here is another story about your tax dollars being put to good use. A research scientist in Battle Creek, Michigan, home of a couple of the largest cereal manufacturers in the United States, has just concluded a year-long study into the effects certa...
Read full storyJesus Commands Muslim Burning and Koran Burning in the Holy Bible
The Holy Scripture of Islam is the Old Testament, the New Testament, the Koran and the Hadith. The 1.5 billion Muslim people on Earth today are eagerly awaiting the return of their two Messiahs, the Hidden Imam and Jesus Christ. What the Muslim peopl...
Read full storyFlorida Pastor's 'Burn A Koran Day' Not The Best Idea
Florida pastor Terry Jones, of the Dove World Outreach Centre has been advised that his idea to publically burn copies of sacred Islamic text, The Koran, on the anniversary of the 9/11 attacks is probably not the greatest brainwave he ever had. Hi...
Read full storyStephen Hawking to appear on 'Dancing on Ice'
TV bosses in charge of the BBC programme 'Dancing on Ice', have expressed their delight at the reported increase in viewing figures for the last series, brought about by the inclusion of amputee, Heather Mills as a contestant. A BBC spokesman said...
Read full storyPolice sergeant who assaulted female prisoner jailed for 6 months, ordered to be pelted with shoes, dumped in a trash can, have his phone hacked and receive extra tax bill
There were dramatic scenes at Oxford Magistrates Court yesterday as Deputy District Judge Peter Greenfield invoked the common law to sentence a police officer for assaulting a prisoner in custody. Sergeant Mark Andrews has been convicted in July of a...
Read full storyJames Bond Retires Suit for Business Casual
Elegant British super spy and womanizer James Bond is ditching his iconic Savile Row suits and other formal wear to sport a more casual look, an MI6 spokesperson says. "Agent 007 isn't immune to the times," the spokesperson says. "He understands b...
Read full storyRooney second string hooker Helen Wood: curse of La Cervara hexed Wayne/Coleen nuptials
Manchester - (Gonads): The slinky Salford slapper has blamed an ancient Roman curse for blighting Wayne and Coleen's nuptials. Helen Wood, 23, whose three-in-a-bed antics have rocked the nation, said today the 2008 La Cervara ceremony 'was hexed'...
Read full storyPuffy Homosexual From Beetlejuice Finally Dies: No, Not Catherine O'Hara...
Gravity exacted the universe's revenge on gihugic knob-gobbler Glenn Shadix, who creeped out anyone that ever saw him, by accelerating his noggin into the floor of his Birmingham, Alabama (!) home, killing him. Shadix began embarrassing his paren...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan Has Called Roger Clemens And Told Him Prision Isn't So Bad If You Look Like Her
HOLLYWOOD HILLS - Lindsay Lohan, the former convict, inmate, and prisoner, has reportedly called up the once baseball hall of fame shoe-in Roger Clemens and tried to make him feel better about his legal situation. LiLo told the ex-pitcher known as...
Read full storyWaxy Meathole Danielle Staub Fired From... Ah, who cares.
AS if anyone really cares, hideous TV-fungus Danielle Staub is officially gone from Real Housewives of New Jersey after two seriously drama-packed... Ok, seriously. Does anyone really give a crap about this woman? I mean, give me a break. You kno...
Read full storyWorld's Shortest Man title at risk
Edward Hernandez is currently the world's shortest man, standing at a mere twenty-seven inches tall. With the title came the job offers and lucrative sponsorship deals for children's clothing. However, the Columbian dwarf's title is under threat f...
Read full storyPrince Charles Promotes Biofuel Trains
Prince Charles is touring the country in a train that runs on biofuel in an attempt to educate the country for a green future. The train runs on carbon neutral ligneous cellulose grown on wasteland, producing as much carbon dioxide as was taken up...
Read full storyKanye West Says He's Gonna Write An Apology Song To Taylor Swift
CRAB ORCHARD, West Virginia - Kanye West had just finished performing before a crowd of 17, at The Motel Three's lounge in Crab Orchard. Afterward he was asked how he was getting along. He grinned and said that he wasn't getting along too good. He...
Read full storyAlex Reid discovers Chilean miners in wife, Jordan's vagina
In a quite startling news story today, Alex Reid, husband of Katie Price aka Jordan, has reportedly discovered six Chilean miners inside his wife's vagina. A spokesman for the San Antonio Metal Mining Company confirmed that six of their employees...
Read full storyWorld's Saddest Superstar - Keanu Reeves - Accidentally Spends his Birthday in a Warehouse instead of a Whorehouse
Action Hero's Sandwich Vendor Opens his Heart to this Reporter. Ever since achieving worldwide fame with the Matrix trilogy, Hollywood Superstar Keanu Reeves seems to have descended into a world of greyness. Countless "Sad Keanu" websites have...
Read full story2012 Olympic Mascot slaughtered!
It seems that Wenlock and Mandeville, the new 2012 Olympic mascots, are causing immense problems for the Olympic committee. Amid accusations that their design was influenced by free-masons, zionists and gay rights campaigners, an internal dispute...
Read full storyMidsomer Murders Cover-Up - Barnaby Fired Shock!
Sleepy Midsomer is set to be rocked by revelations that one of its top detectives is not retiring, as reported throughout the media, but has been fired. The Spoof has been shown internal documents from the Midsomer Constabulary HQ at Causton that...
Read full storyRooney scores, proving removing whores' drawers reduces flaws
England manager Fabio Capello bigged up Wayne Rooney's display, he also said that he was happy with the way he played football and scored on Tuesday night, his first England goal in a while. The Manchester United striker is an integral part of the...
Read full storyMourning Over
'England won again.' 'Good!' exclaimed Penny's Mum 'perhaps now the mourning will be over.' 'Temporarily, at least. Still a bit shaky and we have yet to meet strong opposition. Montenegro will be a real test.' 'Montenegro? Where on earth is that? Heavens, if England can't beat them they should be ashamed.' 'My art teacher, Bert, says all this Football lark is bread and circuses for the...
Read full storyCSI:Miami - Channel Bosses Applaud Improvements
Bosses at Channel 5 have been encouraged by rising viewing figures for US cop "procedural" CSI:Miami. As we reported last month (August 18) there was panic at the station as the show slumped in the ratings. Season eight had been subject to several...
Read full storySeventy-Year-Old Swiss Slappers Out in Force as Wayne Rooney Hits Town
Rooney Well Known for his Love of Antiques, Claims Spokesfloozy. The town of Basel in Switzerland was on high alert last night as rumours swept the town that Wayne Rooney had been dumped by wife Colleen because of his playing away. Instant brothel...
Read full storyJennifer Thompson's 13 Premier League Star team to play in a 6-3-4 England formation internationally!
Jennifer Thompson's bedroom, Bolton: Jennifer Thompson who deliberately targeted footballers because they're so rich, flash and fundamentally not the sharpest pencils in the box, is ready to announce her team for England. Miss Thompson, who adver...
Read full storyShagging and whoring stats to be included in footballer Trump cards
Oh the times, they are a changing, as an old man once said when he was a bit younger, and it's true, they are a changing. In the world of the popular kids card game, Trumps and football, otherwise known as "soccer", to people who can't spell words...
Read full storyJuicy Jenny Drummed Out Of Union
Jenny Thompson - the hooker at the centre of the Wayne Rooney scandal - is to be drummed out of the prostitutes' trade union for indiscretion. "Juicy" first alleged she had bedded Rooney, before announcing that she had been with 13 other Premier L...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Hooker Jenny Thompson Heads For South America
"Juicy" Jenny Thompson is heading to South America to raise her strike rate. As we reported yesterday, Juicy - the vice girl at the centre of the Wayne Rooney scandal - planned to bed all Europe's top footballers. Now, however, in a change of p...
Read full storyHistory Review: Illingworth's War in Cartoons, by Mark Bryant.
Sub-titled One Hundred of his Greatest Drawings from the Daily Mail, 1939-1945 this is an attempt to raise Illingworth's profile to something approaching that enjoyed by his contemporaries David Low and Sydney Strube. Ken Lucid writes: This is great! Another effort by Mark Bryant. Recent books about Low and Strube were by his arch-enemy, Timothy S Benson and in fact Benson did one on Illingw...
Read full storyWorld's Smallest Man to Appear on Dancing with the Stars
Khagendra Thapa Magar is soon to be named the smallest man in the world, measuring in at only 22 inches. He was in New York recently to meet with World Record executives about his impending title. ABC executives caught wind of Magar's presence and of...
Read full storyF--k Banks.*
Summer, 1972: I'm driving up Mascher Street toward Roosevelt Boulevard with my grandmother. Nana did all the driving, of course, but the five-year-old farting into the passenger seat of 1966 Chevelle station wagon had one very important job, Reading the time and temperature on the marquee sign in front of the Central Penn National Bank. "It's eleventy-free firty, Nana," I'd shout. (I was a l...
Read full storyWhat Google's Bouncy-ball Logo Means: "Get a Girlfriend!"
Doctors say that if you are wondering what's up with today's Google homepage, fear not: The answer exists in the Big G. Made of blue balls. Get it? "It is code for 'Welcome to the nerd club, virgins! We brought bagels'." So far, Google hasn...
Read full storyDancing With The Star's Mark Ballas Says He Will Help Bristol Palin Get Over Levi Johnston
HOLLYWOOD - Mark Ballas, one of the professional dancers on Dancing With The Stars has been paired with Sarah "Snowflake" Palin's daughter Bristol. "Little Snowflake" as her friends call Bristol says that she is absolutely excited to be able to ge...
Read full storyThe Jennifer Thompson Action Figure Doll Has Been Banned In Italy, Iraq, and Iowa
LONDON - The Hasbroken Toy Company has reported that world wide sales of its brand new Jennifer Thompson Action Figure Doll are going through the roof. Hasbroken spokesperson Lionel Drawbridge stated that the doll is really selling like hot cakes...
Read full storyThe New Fidelity Test: Smell His...
For ages, women have sought a way to quantify their partners' fidelity, with little success. Researchers at the Kinsey Institute now state that the definitive answer has been under out noses the whole time. Literally. They suggest smelling your p...
Read full storyWayne Rooney Scores In Switzerland
England striker Wayne Rooney rewarded Fabio Capello's decision to play him in the team's Euro 2012 qualifier in Basle last night despite allegations surrounding his private life, by scoring an early goal to set the Three Lions on their way to a 3-1 v...
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