KASHMIR, INDIA: Perplexed pro-Pak stone pelters in this Indian state are facing a new nemesis - Robot-cops.
In a scene reminiscent of sci-fi bots of yore, Kashmir troops are now clad in high-tech black riot gear, covered head to foot in plastic armor making them look like terminator-machine bots. Their arsenal includes stun grenades, tear gas grenades and shotguns loaded with 'non-lethal' pellets. A fleet of armored vehicles and new vehicle-mounted water cannons are also ready to be deployed.
These robot cops form the vanguard against militant-inspired bloodshed which has wracked the Himalayan region for the past 3 months. It is part of PM Manmohan Singh's vision to quell the bloodshed through the use of non-lethal measures.
In yet another move to enforce "Distract, Dis-arm & Deny"** these robot cops periodically break into Bollywood choreographed dance steps to confuse the sexually-repressed, extremely horny stone-throwing silly-boys.
"Most Kashmiri youth love Bollywood movies and it is amazing how so many of them will put down their stones and dance to the robot cop moves", said top cop Sher Singh, twirling his baton. "It's like we're dancing our way into their hearts", he chuckled, his waxed mustache glistening in the morning sun.
The IndiaGov feels this range of non-lethal weapons is the best way to control these Pak-proxy 'protesters'
When asked what moves he had up his sleeve, famous Bollywood choreographer Twinkle-toes Tarun said:
"I prefer MJ's 'Thriller' for scary moves and Gene Kelly's 'Singin' in the Rain' for happier moments".
But what about copyright and protection rights?
"This is India, yaar", TwinkleToes chortled. "Nothing original, all copied no? But looking 110% totally Indianish"
Indian officials were quick to clarify. Minister for Totally Confusing Kashmir Policy, Omarullah Abdul said:
"Kashmir is an integral part of India. My Daddy told me to say so. We also like Ashwarya Rai so we have suggested she come and dance before these youths to calm them".
[**Distract-Disarm-Deny policy** - You heard it here first]