"Juicy Jeni" Scores Big Adult Sex Toy Endorsement From Arkansas Mail Order Company!

Funny story written by Morse

Wednesday, 8 September 2010


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Juicy Jeni Proudly Showed off Her Trophies after 'hat trick' with Rooney

A spokesman for the marketing company representing Wayne Rooney's practice goalie, Jenny Thompson, announced today the industrious sex worker scored big outside of Rooney's bedroom with a 'high 6 figure endorsement contract with a major US mail order adult condiment (sic) company!"

"We told her to stay calm and just suck it up," said marketing maven Harry
"The Thumb" Merryfeather, "they'll come around begging to sign you up for something, that's how these big companies work...ready to hop on a hot thing in a NY minute if it'll help sell their product. Well, they did, and it'll be a big pay day for Jenny, less my commission, let me tell ya mate!"

At a news conference attended by just a few journalists on a slow news day, Harry was shown presenting an oversized check with 6 digits to the now infamous' Juicy Jeni' as she was known on her internet personality page and in the locker rooms of most soccer clubs.

A little known mail order adult condiment firm featuring life like sex toys has signed the $1800 an hour entertainer to a one year contract to endorse their 'Juicy Jeni' edible vaginas approved by the FDA & the EPA.

Just like the real Juicy Jeni, the vaginas come with a complete pubic wig collection featuring blonde, brunette, red head, or natural, to keep their proud owner 'coming back for more' according to the promo ad.

Harry said Jenny would be leaving the UK immediately for a US promo tour with stops in Las Vegas, Salt Lake City, and a two day stop in San Francisco where she'll be handing out some samples at the local jail where they just installed 16 condom machines to promote 'safe, but illegal sex!"

Said Harry, "I think Jenny has just about worn out soccer for now, this will be a great opportunity for her to expand her horizons and we're already scheduling her to make appearances around the US following the PGA tour.
We think it's an untapped market and we already have some tentative bookings in Florida on a yacht as long as she can dig up one or two
friends to join the party!"

Said Jenny demurely, " Who would ever have guessed this could happen to little 'ole me....I really want to thank all my fans, but I guess there's really not time as I'm leaving in the morning on Tiger's jet. Ta!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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