OXNARD, California - The state of California has mandated that part of Mel Gibson's journey back to sensibility is a ten-step anger management program conducted at Oxnard's Pacific Coast A&M University.
State spokesperson Courtland B. Bickavecki, stated that it is the hope of the governor of the state of California, the honorable Arnold Schwarzenegger, that Mr. Gibson will attend the ten-step, ten week classes and come out of the class a better, calmer, individual who will be more beneficial to himself, his family, his friends, his fellow actors, and his ex-future wife Oksana Grigorieva.
Bickavecki noted that having seen the YouTube tape videos of Mr. Gibson's uncontrolled ranting and crazy man ravings one can clearly see that he is a man possessed of antagonistic animosity, hateful hostility, a tempestuous temperament, and rabid repulsiveness.
Ellen DeGeneres stated that she would never have Gibson on her show for fear that he would suddenly reach over and bite her arm like he once did to co-star Andy Dick.
Oprah Winfrey said that Mel is one crazy-ass Aussie who makes pit bulls seem like little Pomeranian puppies by comparison.
And former world champion Mike Tyson told Larry King that he would like to meet up with Mel and see who bites the other ones two ears off first.
When Gibson finally showed up for his first day of anger management classes he immediately got into a verbal argument with the instructor Aurora Emily Chickaloon about his name tag.
Gibson said that he did not feel the need to wear one, which said, "Hi, My Name Is Mel Gibson" since he noted that everyone knew who the hell he was.
Mrs. Chickaloon replied that first off he would refrain from cussing since he was in her class and not in his damn freakin Malibu Beach mansion. She then said that secondly he would wear the friggin, SOBing name tag and like it.
Gibson asked her how come she could cuss if he couldn't. And she replied because she was the damn instructor and that furthermore his Australian ass was there to answer questions and not ask them.
Mel grunted and said that she reminded him of Arizona Governor Jan "The Man" Brewer. Mrs. Chickaloon told him that she had never been more insulted in all her life. Mel laughed and said that, that was the reason he mentioned the ugly, old, wrinkled bitch in the first place, duh.
Chickaloon told Gibson to get up from his desk and to go stand in the corner. He refused saying that it would snow in the Kalahari Desert before that would happen.
She grabbed her purse and moved towards him. Mel got a puzzled look on his face. He asked her what the hell she was doing. She replied that she was going to ask him one more time to get up and go stand in the damn mofoing corner.
Gibson laughed and said that she also looked a little like that tall skinny slut Ann Coulter, except not as tall, skinny, or white.
Chickaloon yelled, "Get up! Mr. Gibson, get your damn crazy person ass up and go stand in the corner."
Gibson said "Look Chicky. You are starting to piss me off okay. If you do not stop, I swear I will pretend that you're a cheap pinata and hit you till all of the candy drops out."
Mrs. Chickaloon asked him again to get his damn ass up and move it to the corner.
Gibson giggled and said, "And if I don't what are you going to do? Take a taser gun out of your purse and tase me bitch?"
Mrs. Chickaloon reached in her purse. Gibson's eyes suddenly got the size of ping pong balls.
Bizzzzzt! Bizzzzzt! Bizzzzzt!
Mel Gibson fell to the floor and started rolling around like a flounder out of water.
"Okay class," Mrs. Chickaloon remarked. "Exactly where the hell where we before 'Electric Boy' there caused this little minor disruption?"
Several members of the anger management class managed to video tape Gibson with their cell phones. To view dozens of interesting photos log on to www.melgibsoneletricboy.hot