Shagging and whoring stats to be included in footballer Trump cards

Funny story written by matthatt

Wednesday, 8 September 2010


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phwoor, look at the crease on that!

Oh the times, they are a changing, as an old man once said when he was a bit younger, and it's true, they are a changing.

In the world of the popular kids card game, Trumps and football, otherwise known as "soccer", to people who can't spell words like 'colour' properly.

For those of you not in the know, usually girls, as I don't think they ever made a set of cards about girl related topics like lippy and tammies or the million reasons why boys are crap at being boyfriends despite which girls endlessly talk about it and programs like Sex in the City are so popular, Trumps is a card game based on statistics.

One of the more enduring topics for the game over the years for boys of all ages around the world, other than machines that kill and war, has been football and footballers.

Measuring that statistics, or "stats" of one team against another or one player against another, usually with scores for age, height, weight, experience and goals scored etc which are compared with an opponents cards to divine the winner.

Due to the amount of "off pitch" activity over recent years, rumour has it that the makers of the popular boys game will be including stats based on footballer inches, column inches, newspaper column inches, that is, not unlike celebdaq, but with a more salacious system of statistics.

So if you want to know if Rooney is good with his ball control or if Crouch is having problems with dribbling, then all you need to do is compare the coitus quotient of the copulating Casanova's for the answer.

Football eh? Kids love it.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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