Hurricane Higgins Cleared of Snooker Match Fixing Due to His Being Dead

Funny story written by Mercy Me

Wednesday, 8 September 2010

image for Hurricane Higgins Cleared of Snooker Match Fixing Due to His Being Dead
A load of balls

Alex 'Hurricane' Higgins was yesterday found to be innocent of match-fixing allegations after it transpired that he was in fact deceased at the time.

Higgins, who chose not to appear in court, had always previously maintained his innocence but suddenly refrained from making further comment in July 2010. At the time, his family asked that their privacy be respected at this difficult time but this only served to intensify suspicions.

Cheating allegations had included deliberately blowing cigarette smoke rings across the table at key moments, breaking wind then immediately looking accusingly at the umpire or individual members of the audience and discreetly placing a snowball on the table to confuse his opponent.

In 1982, a flock of sheep inextricably entered the Crucible in Sheffield during a key match point moment in the World Championship Final between Higgins and Ray Reardon. At the time, Higgins held his head in his hands and appeared to giggle uncontrollably while wiping tears of laughter from his face.

He later said that the sheep prompted a cathartic reaction since he had previously failed to properly grieve about his late father who was a shepherd.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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