There were 1,719 spoof news stories published in July 2009. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Crystal Defanti Sex Video Saves California From Fiscal Emergency
Elk Grove, CA - Ben Findlebaum, a concerned parent in Elk Grove, California, has been busy all night selling the Crystal Defanti sex video online. Crystal Defanti is a digitally challenged 5th grade teacher who mistakenly gave her students a DVD of h...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Steroid Scandal Rocks "New Moon" Set!
VANCOUVER, British Columbia - New Moon cast members today accused co-star Taylor Lautner, 17, of "doping" on the set, taking performance-enhancing drugs clearly in violation of his contract terms. They alleged that, beginning in January 2009 with...
Read full storyMichael Jackson had a Huge Dick
Michael Jackson's autopsy photos show that the pale-skinned star really was a black man after all. Pathologists measured his member at almost 18 inches long - showcasing that no amount of fucking around with his skin could take away his black roo...
Read full storyEmma Watson shows her wet pussy at film premiere
It was brollies, waterproof macs, supermarket bags over the head and general winter clothing at the Leicester Square premier of the new Harry potter film "Order of the Phoenix". Thanks to the torrential rain that greeted the stars and fans alike,...
Read full storyErin Andrews Peephole Video Found In Samantha Ronson's Backpack
Los Angeles, CA - The lost DVD that supposedly shows Erin Andrews nude through a peephole has been discovered in music pimping, Lindsey Lohan loving woman/boy Samantha Ronson's backpack. The bag was discovered at a local Los Angeles wave pool which S...
Read full storySnag Films Snags Crystal Defanti Sex Video
Los Angeles, CA - Snagfilms, an award winning internet site devoted to showing top quality documentaries and feature films online, has secured the right to distribute the Crystal Defanti Sex Video. Snagfilms representative, Nigel Witherbottom, sta...
Read full storyErin Andrews Peephole Video Observations
Tampa, FL - The Erin Andrews Peephole video that is rumored to have made it to the internet may in fact be more disturbing than the 'Unknown Life Form In A North Carolina Sewer'. Witnesses of the video have stated that it contains very little of the...
Read full storyCrystal Defanti Points Out Horse Penis on Class Fieldtrip
SACRAMENTO, CA - Teacher Crystal Defanti shocked students of Isabelle Jackson Elementary school today when, on a fieldtrip to a Sacramento, California area farm, she made "highly inappropriate" references to the genitalia and behavior of farm animals...
Read full storyXXX Hairy Potter and the Witchy Hoe Hits Theatres
There have been so many sequels of the nerdmatic cinema about harry Potter and this goblet and that goblin that the authoress' cash cow seemed to milked her last. Then one day while jerking off to some porn in one of her palaces her ladyship came and...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Says Kristen Stewart Having Identity Crisis
Robert Pattinson says his co-star in the Twilight Series is having an identity crisis and often goes into the fictional personalty of Bella Swan when they are out together. "Our friends and co-workers thought she was just having them on, but she's...
Read full storySarah Palin Invites "Kentucky" Kevin Skinner To Visit Alaska
WASILLA, Alaska - The former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin has invited America's Got Talent contestant Kevin Skinner to visit Alaska. Palin recently called Skinner and told him that she enjoyed watching him sing and that she really and truly feel...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson, Kristen Stewart Together in San Diego, Los Angeles
Looks like Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart have pulled another one on the Papparazzi because a source from the hotel which hosted ComicCon over the weekend say they were actually staying there in San Diego on the same 11th floor of the nearby Ha...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson Wasn't After Twilight Series Until He Met Kristen Stewart
News being sounded across the net Saturday was that Robert Pattinson had never heard of the Twilight books or that they were planning to turn them into movies, until he met Kristen Stewart. "I have to admit that all those rumors are true", stated...
Read full storyLisa Marie Presley Given Custody of Michael Jackson's Children
LOS ANGELES- In a surprise move the 13th Superior Court of Los Angeles County has granted sole custody of Michael Jackson's three children to his first wife Lisa Marie Presley. Judge Fernando Hernando De La Luna stated that he based his judgement...
Read full storyMayora Tavares, 16, Arouses Barack Obama's 'Gigante Addormentato'
Aquila, Italy - A 16 year old Brazilian girl, Mayora Tavares, has caused a 'scandalo sensazionale' by catching the roving eye of the most powerful man in the world, Barack Obama. The perky breasted, fulsome bottomed femme fatale had been looking for...
Read full storyNew Twilight Screen Play By Pattinson, Myers In The Works?
The rumor that ran through the crowd at the San Diego Comic Con is beginning to take shape. Although Twilight stars Pattinson, Stewart and Lautner were the screaming highlight for the weekend blow-out, a rumor began going through the audience abou...
Read full storyJanet Jackson, Mariah Carey, and Queen Latifah To Record A Michael Jackson Tribute Single
LOS ANGELES - Michael Jackson's sister Janet Jackson has stated that she will be entering the recording studio and recording a tribute song to her brother with Mariah Carey and Queen Latifah. The song which was co-written by Smokey Robinson and Si...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Sex Tape discovered
A tape showing dead pop singer Michael Jackson engaged in sexual acts has been discovered hidden away in a black sack during searches of his rented Hollywood home. Police officers who have seen the tape have to receive counselling and therapy to t...
Read full storyWorlds Most Perfect penis Attached To Worlds Ugliest, Smelliest Man
The World Penis Festival ended toady with the winner of the prized 'Golden Shaft' being won by an ugly, fucking bastard. Markus Lowtonicus, from number 21 Sycamore Grove, Lancashire is regarded as a pig-ugly, minger of a man but that didn't stop h...
Read full storyMan With Two Knobs Seeks Second Marriage.
Dick Phillpot, the only man in the UK with two knobs wants the bigamy laws changed to enable him to marry a second time. "I'm too much for one woman. Doris tries her best but she gets knackered just as number 2 is waking up. If I could take a second...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Feet Smelled like a Smelly Arse
The King of Pop's feet smelled like dried shit, according to the man employed as his shoeshine boy. Billy Ray Davis III was the third generation of shoeshine boys in his family to work for Jackson. His position allowed him to get intimate knowledge o...
Read full storyWoman With World's Largest Vagina to Speak at Oscar Mayer Funeral
MADISON, WI - The woman with the world's largest vagina has cancelled several performances of her wildly successful "World's Largest Vagina Monologues" to honor her dearly departed friend, Oscar G. Mayer. Mayer is perhaps known best for being able...
Read full storyDolly Parton's Tits Offically Sag To Ground Level
Dolly Parton, the 63 year old country singer most famous for her huge breasts, has announced today that her boobs have now sagged so much that they drag on the ground. "If I take off my bra, them puppies is bouncing off my feet. I gotta kick 'em...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Son Omer Bhatti Has His Nose
Los Angeles, CA - Michael Jackson's alleged love child, Omer Bhatti, has his nose...literally. When Michael Jackson's body was removed by ambulance on that fateful day of his death, Omer Bhatti followed behind, five minutes later, carrying the nose o...
Read full storyJack and Jill went up a hill but what really happened?
Jack and Jill - rendered immortal by the nursery rhyme mocking their demise, few actually know the heartbreaking story behind the couple. And the dispicable 3rd charachter John who has stayed in the shadows for so long. Although the couples earlie...
Read full storyJordan Chandler to release explicit Jackson video
Los Angeles - (ReUterus): For the last sixteen years Jordan Chandler's attorneys have kept locked down explicit home video footage of the thirteen year old and Michael Jackson 'playing doctors and nurses' at Neverland Ranch. But the padlocks are f...
Read full storyLed Zeppelin To Record A Christmas Album
LONDON - The manager of Led Zeppelin Christopher Dutchmill has stated that in lieu of going on tour, the heavy metal British band will instead record a Christmas album. Dutchmill stated that the reason that LZ decided against going on tour was due...
Read full storyDolly Parton to give two pounds of titty to Taylor Swift: "Heck, I'll never miss 'em!"
Dolly Parton, the woman who stuffs fifty pounds of titties into a twenty-five pound sack, has graciously decided to give one pound of breast tissue from each of her melons to country music sensation Taylor Swift. "Somebody stole that poor girl's tit...
Read full storyBritish Diplomat Quits Russia In Porno Vid Scandal
A British diplomat has been forced to quit Russia following the posting of a seedy home made porno video on the internet. Earl Grey was the Deputy Deputy to the Deputy Consular Deputy in Ekaterinaberg, a prosperous mining city deep inside Russia.
Read full storyUnknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer Sheds New Light On Michael Jackson's Psyche
Los Angeles, CA - A video on Youtube entitled 'Unknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer' has gone viral, with over 3 million hits in 24 hours. Scientists believe that the video may actually aid in the understanding of 'The King of Pop', Michael Jack...
Read full storyJohn Dillinger's Penis Pops Up At Smithsonian Institution
Washington, D.C. - What is believed to be the penis of early midwestern bank robber, John Dillinger, famously killed outside of a movie theater on orders of J. Edgar Hoover, has been discovered in a box at the Smithsonian Institution. The box was...
Read full storyMegan Fox To Do Full Frontal Nudity In Transformers 3
Megan Fox, near the top of several magazine's most beautiful woman list, has announced that she is willing to do full frontal nudity in Transformers 3. Said Fox in an interview in Hollywood, "I don't like the way that the movie ticket sales are goin...
Read full storyChelsea's Ashley's Cheryl Cole 's Nipples were Designed by Alexander McQueen
Alexander McQueen has crafted some of the most posh outfits from Chelsea's athletic supporters to the gowns for the biggest balls in London. Cheryl Cole unveiled a McQueen first and original when she displayed the eite designers first pair of women's...
Read full storyEvony Ad Ladies Reveal Why They Got Up The Noses Of The Pussycat Dolls.
In an unprecedented move which resulted in this Spoof.com reporting team hauling their sorry asses out of bed before 2pm in the afternoon, a model from the ads for on-line game 'Evony' called us requesting an urgent tete a tete. Hauling our sad so...
Read full storyLarge Penis/Vagina Stories With Lots Of F***ing Swearing Unlikely To Succeed In Rating Chart Say Spoof Administrators.
Administrators from satirical website TheSpoof.com today informed their lunatic contributors that satirical articles involving extreme bad language, with words such as 'fu*ck' and 'cu*nt' and 'her*ring' would not be tolerated much longer as such prac...
Read full storyLisa Marie Presley To Adopt Macaulay Culkin and Shaheen Jafargholi
HOLLYWOOD - It is being reported that Lisa Marie Presley who has just been given custody of Michael Jackson's three children will now be adopting Macaulay Culkin and Shaheen Jafargholi. Lisa Marie who was married to Michael Jackson for two years s...
Read full storyCrystal Defanti Loses Sex Toys on School Bus
SACRAMENTO, CA - Parents of Isabelle Jackson Elementary school students were shocked today to find "an assortment of sexual enhancement devices" had been distributed to their children, according to the school's superintendent, Ima Soughtie. "I can...
Read full storyBritish school boy caught with COCK hanging out
Oh sure, everybody in the UK has heard about the school boys who spelled the word "COCK" in bricks upon the roof of their school house. Google Earth's satellite photographed the word from 100's of kilometers up in space. But who was the ring leader...
Read full storyTop Gear is Finished - Richard Hammond Refuses To Be Clarkson's New Dick
The moment we have all dreaded is upon us - the Top Gear Triumvirate is to be sundered - and all because of a selfish action by Hammond. There is a sense of tragi-comedy about the news and the production team seems to believe that things can be pa...
Read full storyKevin Skinner of America's Got Talent Buys A Tractor
MAYFIELD, Kentucky - The ex-chicken catching singing sensation from America's Got Talent Kevin Skinner recently told a reporter for his hometown newspaper The Mayfield Midday Gazette that everywhere he goes people recognize him. Skinner said that...
Read full storyBrooke Shields Proposed To Michael Jackson
HOLLYWOOD - Brooke Shields has just revealed a very intimate secret that she has kept inside of her for fifteen years. The statuesque star stated that in 1994 she fell in love with Michael Jackson while the two of them were having M&M Blizzar...
Read full story"Kentucky" Kevin Skinner Makes America's Got Talent Top 40
LOS ANGELES - The former chicken catcher from Mayfield, Kentucky has made it into the top 40 of America's Got Talent. The three judges all said that they truly feel that Kevin has the potential to make it all of the way. Judge David Hasselhoff...
Read full storySpoof Readers Prefer Fags To Lesbians
SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Things got hot and heavy in a New York minute when Crystal Defanti and Carrie Prejean bumped into each other, then ended up bumping uglies at a Sacramento boutique; at least, that's what happened in one spoof writer's most recent...
Read full storyTony Romo Has New Girlfriend: Octomom Kate Gosselin
Tony Romo, one week after dumping Jessica Simpson, has been seen with a new woman: Octomom Kate Gosselin. The Dallas Cowboy quarterback and the mother of sextuplets (and star of the reality series Jon and Kate Plus Eight) were spotted hand in hand a...
Read full storyHayden Panettierre Enjoyed Getting Naked and Doing Nude Scenes in Newest Movie
Twenty year old actress and former child star Hayden Panettierre said that she "enjoyed doing the nude scenes in I Love You, Beth Cooper" (her latest movie). The film features scenes of Hayden topless, in her underwear, and a rear shot of her removi...
Read full storyNadal in hiding as Federer twins born
Basel, Switzerland - (ReUterus & Wild Oats Mess): World number one seed Rafal Nadal is in hiding this weekend following the birth of dead-ringer twin daughters to Mrs Roger Federer. Myla Rose and Charlene Riva were reportedly conceived in Nada...
Read full storyUnknown Life Form in North Carolina Sewer To Perform Nessun Dorma At Michael Jackson Memorial
Los Angeles, CA - Youtube sensation Unknown Life Form In North Carolina Sewer has been asked to perform 'Nessun Dorma' at the Michael Jackson Memorial service this coming Tuesday at the Staples Center in Los Angeles. The announcement was made by Jack...
Read full storyUK Oral Sex Inspector Seconded To USA
A British based inspector of oral sex practices is to be seconded to the United States in a bid to assist America in its quest to weed out substandard oral sex practices over the Atlantic. Jerry Gobbla will depart the UK from Heathrow tomorrow mo...
Read full storyZac Efron: I am Not An Ass-Bandit!
Teen heart-throb Zac Efron has denied outright that he is responsible for the theft of a donkey from the set of High School Musical 4: The College Years. Pretty boy Efron explained how shocked he was to read in the tabloid press the claims that he...
Read full storyKatie Price admits she's been well ridden since leaving Peter
The Katie Price/Peter Andre saga moves on yet another step with the admission by Katie Price that she has had some really good rides since her split, or to give its official title, 'publicity stunt', from Peter André. In a frank interview with a m...
Read full storyUnartistic America - a book review
Published quickly on the heels of their book on public scientific literacy, Unscientific America, Chris Mooney and Sheril Kirshenbaum have released their newest book Unartistic America, which tackles the low art literacy in America, it's consequences, and what should be done to change the situation. In a recent Pew poll, only 73 percent of Americans could identify the subject of the Mona Lisa a...
Read full story"Kentucky" Kevin Skinner - America's Got Talent's Early Favorite
LOS ANGELES - Kentucky 'good old boy' Kevin Skinner shuffled onto the America's Got Talent stage, started singing a Garth Brooks song, and he blew the audience and the judges away. David Hasselhoff's mouth fell open. Piers Morgan's eyes opened wid...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner Injures Groin in "Indian Leg Wrestling" Match, Gets Slathered in Curry Paste
GRAND RAPIDS, MI - Taylor Lautner, 17, experienced a bit of culture shock today when he flew to Grand Rapids, Michigan to participate in the Goodland Dairy-sponsored First Annual North American Indian Leg Wrestling Tournament. Lautner, who claims...
Read full storyThe New Lisa Marie Presley Bikini Thongs Hit The Stores
HOLLYWOOD - Lisa Marie Presley's lingerie company, LMP's Bikini Thongs & Things has just announced that the latest line of Lisa Marie Designer Panties is now available at better department stores such as Macy's, Traci's, Saks Fifth Avenue, Slax S...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Talks Nick Jonas Break-Up And Aly & AJ Are Back With A New Album!
Disney doll Miley Cyrus doesn't buy into having a 'soul mate' and insists that it isn't even natural to only have one life partner. Cyrus may still be licking her wounds since her on/off boyfriend Nick Jonas is now with Selena Gomez, who is pregnant.
Read full storyTaco Bell dog dies - Korean Taco Bell introduces new meat taco
SEOUL, SOUTH KOREA - The legendary Taco Bell chihuahua "Gidget" passed away this morning from a massive stroke. The iconic dog brought cheer to literally billions of people during his stardom as a spokesperson in advertisements for Taco Bell. His cat...
Read full storyLautner and Pattinson "Show down" Wolf finally gone mad
At excatly 2:00 a.m Taylor Lautner was spotted outside of Olive Garden. He seemed very upset about something. A very close source told us that Lautner Apparently was waiting for his co-star Robert Pattinson. The unconfirmed source said that Robert...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus breasts lopsided shocker
A storm of controversy has erupted in the Miley Cyrus camp today when having her weekly checkup the doctor said "the left breast hung a fraction of a centimeter lower than the right breasts but don't worry this is quite common". Miley Cyrus broke do...
Read full storyDaniel Radcliffe says Michael Jackson is in latest Harry Potter film
Daniel Radcliffe has accidentally let it be known that Michael Jackson is in the latest chapter of the Harry potter saga. Radcliffe, asked about the stars death, told an interviewer that Jackson's final performance will now be "in our film". Ra...
Read full storyRoyal Mail strike cancelled - strike notices are lost
The threatened Royal Mail strike has been called off. The news was given at a press conference held in the Cheam Post Office this morning. Speaking to journalists, Adam Dozy, the Royal Mail's chief executive, said that unions had no option but to...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Nose Spotted!
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Reports that the original nose of the late King of Pop has been located are now confirmed by the National Registry of Historic Places and Snot. Dr. Arnold Klein, world-renowned Jackson butcher and sperm donor, is reported to...
Read full storyAdebayor: My Arsenal nightmare.
Only days after joining Manchester City, Emmanuel Adebayor has expressed his relief at joining the club, the first reason because he was treated badly by the fans, he claimed "they often sung at me 'Adebayor give him the ball and he will score' i fel...
Read full storyNick Jonas' new mustache.
Teen sensation Nick Jonas from the popular boy band The Jonas Brothers has told press that to complete his new look he is set to grow a mustache. Nick Jonas who previously and is said to be dating Hannah Montana star Miley Cyrus told press that growi...
Read full storyOBee! Oh Boy! Oh Brother! Blanket's Bro and Blanket's Mother!
LOS ANGELES, CA, USA Jermaine Jackson issued a statement of support today in the matter of the alleged fourth child of his recently deceased brother, pop star Michael Jackson. In keeping with an old Jackson family tradition, the mother of 25 year...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson May Not Do Anymore Twilight After Eclipse
It came as a shock recently when Robert Pattinson stated that he wasn't at all sure that he wanted to do the "Twilight: Breaking Dawn"! "I'm really becoming afraid that my other movies are not drawing me away from the fact that I'm still "Eward Cu...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus' Plastic Surgery Scandal!
Back in the plastic surgery gossip scene again, Miley Cyrus is raising a few brows after being spotted unusually busty and beautiful at the MileyMania's 2009. With breast implants almost being a prerequisite in Hollywood, Cyrus giving into the tr...
Read full storySelena Gomez gets a new car
Selena Gomez was seen chilling out with her new black mustang along with her co-star, David Henrie. When asked to her about this she just replied, 'That's very private'. After doing a bit of research it was identified that that the mustang was g...
Read full storyThe Cake Is A Lie: Steve McNair and Saleh Kazemi
Los Angeles, CA - Concerned individuals wanting more information regarding the deaths of former NFL Quarterback Steve McNair and his friend, Saleh Kazemi, are finding themselves caught in a web of deceit and betrayal that is the simple online game, R...
Read full storyRobert Redford Weds Vagina Painting Artist Sibylle Szaggars
Hamburg, Germany - Actor, environmental activist and ski resort developer, Robert Redford, 71, has married his longtime girlfriend, Sibylle Szaggars, 51, in a private ceremony at the St. Catherine Church in Hamburg, Germany. Although the actor's...
Read full storyLindsey Lohan to replace Emma Watson in Harry Potter 7
Lindsey Lohan has been cast to play Hermione in the 7th of the Harry Potter films. Emma Watson left the film after a scene didn't go the way she planned. A source says that they were filming the scene of the battle at hogwarts, when she insisted on...
Read full storyHomosexual Activity Killing Business at Adam Lambert's Taco Stand
SAN DIEGO, CA - Adam Lambert had a good thing going until a gay couple started frequenting Bistek Mariposa; now he can't turn a profit anymore, said the beleaguered America's Got Idols near-miss and one-man tabloid fodder generator. "That's so nas...
Read full storyThe Bigger the Cushion, The Sweeter the Pushin'
Mock Rock band Spinal Tap probably never expected that the lyrics of their song 'Big Bottom' would be the subject of a science paper, but its true. The song - which deals with how much more sexually satisfying a large bottom on a woman can be...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus Will Make Cameo On "Wizards of Waverly Place"
Miley Cyrus is set to appear on the forthcoming season of the series, Wizards of Waverly Place, which stars Selena Gomez, one of Cyrus' long-time rivals. Producers are currently discussing Miley's role with Miley's dad, Billy Ray Cyrus, who says h...
Read full storyJordan Chandler tests DNA positive for paternity of Jackson children
Los Angeles - (ReuterUs & Ass Mess): "Just wanna have a baby with you, Jordie!" That was Michael Jackson's pillowtalk opening salvo according to a secret Neverland CCTV videotape seized from Deborah Rowe's First Hellfire Bank of Sodom &...
Read full storyOscar Mayer's Wienermobile Crashes into Giant Doughnut; police in hot pursuit
Inglewood, California - Just moments after hearing the news of Oscar Mayer's death, Juan Rodriguez, a distraught employee at the Oscar Mayer Food Processing plant number 3 in Inglewood, California, stole the company's Oscar Mayer Weinermobile, taking...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Pet Chimp Bubbles To Appear In A Commercial
NEW YORK CITY - Michael Jackson's pet chimpanzee Bubbles has just been signed by the famed William Morris Talent Agency. The 28-year-old chimpanzee will be appearing in a commercial for Chiquita Bananas. Aspen Zumahorn the director of the comm...
Read full storyNBA Star Richard Jefferson Says, "I Don't"
NEW YORK CITY - Former New Jersey Net player and now San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson was a 'no show' at his own wedding. Jefferson called the whole thing off just 17 minutes before the thing was to have occurred. His fiancee, the gorgeous an...
Read full storyWidow of Michael Jackson, Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson, Ready To Wed Adam Lambert
London, UK - The self proclaimed widow of recently deceased legend Michael Jackson, 'The King Of Pop', Ms. Nona Paris Lola Ankhesenamun Jackson, says that her mourning period is over and she wants to get on with her life. Her first step in this tran...
Read full storyEvony ladies Steal Chamone's Thunder
It's just been revealed that writers on satirical website TheSpoof.com have been cooling off on fictional "woman/girl" Chamone in favour of a series of ads run on the site by an online game known as 'Evony' Whilst the avatar of Chamone looks reaso...
Read full storyAdam Lambert Dating Jessica Simpson
LOS ANGELES - Fox News broke the story that once Adam Lambert heard that Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo had dumped his girlfriend Jessica Simpson, he quickly emailed her and asked her for a date. The heart-broken, devastated, and well-endowed Simps...
Read full storyRobert Pattinson to play Michael Jackson in biopic
The rumors are true, teen heartthrob Robert Pattinson has signed on to play the deceased king of pop in the Michael Jackson biopic. No official statement has come from Robert, but there are rumors that he has been spending a lot of time dancing,...
Read full storyKevin Jonas to Lose His Virginity
21-year-old Kevin Jonas has decided to trash his purity ring and marry 22-year-old hairdresser Danielle Deleasa. "I've been a virgin way too long", the eldest Jonas brother told the news media. "I hope sex is as good as everyone says it is". A...
Read full storyThe San Francisco Zoo's Gay Penguin Scandal
SAN FRANCISCO - An aviary scandal has hit the usually quite laid-back San Francisco Zoo. Zoo Director Bodega Garcia-Sinclair said that a gay penguin couple Harry and Pepper have been a same-sex couple for six years. The two gay birds made world-wi...
Read full storyRonaldo to Return to Manchester Utd.
Heartthrob sex symbol Cristiano Ronaldo has been in negotiations to return to Manchester united just weeks after his record-breaking transfer to Real Madrid. The footballer said he wanted to come back to Manchester because the players there are fa...
Read full storyLocal Ear Wax Museum Branded 'Disgusting'
A new museum featuring lifelike impressions of famous people created entirely using ear wax has been branded "disgusting" and "vomit inducing". Visitors to Blackpool's Museum of Ear Wax are welcomed with sculptures created from ear effluent of Jad...
Read full storyHarvard Prof., Henry L. Gates Jr., has a Rap Sheet with Campus Police
Cambridge, Massachusetts - The new alleged incriminating evidence comes as Professor Henry Louis Gates Jr. is attempting to clear his name, after being arrested for causing a disturbance at his own home, when Cambridge police responded to a reported...
Read full storyWhorse-doping drug Ketamine removed from Jackson mansion
Los Angeles - (Toxic Ass Mess): Several kilos of the powerful equine stimulant/NMDA receptor antagonist Ketamine have been removed from Michael Jackson's Bel Air mansion according to press reports. Police said today that the popular party circuit...
Read full storyCrystal Defanti Scores Success In Canada With Splayed Beaver
Ottawa, CA - Crystal Defanti, who first gained fame as a teacher who distributed her sex DVD to her students, scored a tremendous cultural and epicurean success in Canada at the 7th Annual International Culinary Competition with her recipe 'Splayed B...
Read full storyMichael Jackson to be Buried at Graceland
Dead pop star Michael Jackson is to be buried at the legendary home of Elvis Presley at Graceland in Memphis, Tennessee. A plot has been especially dug by Lisa Marie Presley to accommodate the large gold coffin of her former husband. The two l...
Read full storyMiley Cyrus & Jonas Brothers Annoyed By Siblings Who Will Voice Porn Animation
It seems that Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers both agree that it is hard to be looked up to... Even if we're talking family! The pair have both said, in different interviews, that it feels like "homework" when their "siblings look up to" them b...
Read full storyLindsay Lohan's Lesbian Eatery Sold To Ellen DeGeneres
MALIBU BEACH, California - Lindsay Lohan owner of the Malibu Beach restaurant Lindsay Lohan's Lesbian Eatery has sold it to TV host Ellen DeGeneres and her spouse Portia. The sale price was not revealed, but long time DeGeneres friend and business...
Read full storyTaylor Lautner to not star in New Moon, Trailer a fake!
Ever since the rumors of teen star Taylor Lautner was going to be replaced in the film New Moon, fans started going crazy. Taylor attempted to work out, but he didn't fit the requirements to play a more buff Jacob Black. The studio replaced him w...
Read full storyCrystal Defanti To Make Appearance At G8 Summit
L'Aquila, Italy - Crystal Defanti, the American school teacher who unwittingly included her own personal sex tape in a DVD she gave to her students, will make an appearance at the G8 summit in Italy. She is a guest of Prime Minister Berlusconi, noted...
Read full storyPETA Women to Breast Feed Bed Bugs in New "Compassion Tour"
"Damned lunacy." That's just one reaction to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' (PETA's) latest campaign to heighten awareness of the importance of the world's creatures, including the smaller ones. PETA members have historically ex...
Read full storyMichael Jackson Fans Ask: 'Why Is Keith Richards Still Alive?'
Los Angeles, CA - As torn, distraught fans of Michael Jackson, 'The King Of Pop', exited the Staples Center following a memorial in his honour, one burning question remained in the back of their minds - 'Why Is Keith Richards Still Alive?' Why ind...
Read full storyBrooke Shields Tipped for Oscar Glory after Jackson Memorial Performance
Actress Brooke Shields has been tipped to win the Oscar in the Best Supporting Actress category after her whirlwind performance during the Michael Jackson memorial concert yesterday. Shields managed to laugh AND cry during her 5-minute rambling s...
Read full storyJeremy Clarkson and Susan Boyle To Divorce
It has today been announced that Jezza and Subo are to go their separate ways. Citing irreconcilable differences, Susan has applied for a divorce - even though they have been married for less than 2 weeks. The judge has questioned the short dur...
Read full storyMichael Jackson's Ghost Seen At Neverland
MICHAEL Jackson fans are in a frenzy over a possible sighting of the star's ghost on a TV program. An eerie shadow resembling Jacko's figure has apparently been appearing on a wall in the singer's former home during a live television program last...
Read full storyAndrea McNulty calls for review of Roethlisberger's infamous "quarterback sneak"
THREE RIVERS STADIUM, USA - Andrea McNulty says Ben Roethlisberger called a bad play, then made an illegal use of hands (not to mention certain other parts of his anatomy), and now she wants the alleged personal foul brought up for official review mo...
Read full storyNew Movie For Selena Gomez Also Co-Starring Zac Efron
Selena Gomez is set to star in a new movie called "Gasper" and that has nothing to do with the friendly ghost. On the contrary, it will be a bit racy according to 20th Century Fox who will produce and promote the movie. Another tween cutie is also...
Read full story"Swine Flu Scared The Shit Out Of Me" Admits Emma Watson
Shapely Harry Potter star Emma Watson admit that the Swine Flu virus which had struck a co-star had "scared the shit" out of her. Wearing a dress which showed off her shapely figure the delectable Miss Watson spoke of her "fear" and "concern" at Rupe...
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