PETA Women to Breast Feed Bed Bugs in New "Compassion Tour"

Funny story written by funwithwords

Tuesday, 14 July 2009

image for PETA Women to Breast Feed Bed Bugs in New "Compassion Tour"
Cimex lectularius Linnaeus: Welcomed House Guest?

"Damned lunacy." That's just one reaction to the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals' (PETA's) latest campaign to heighten awareness of the importance of the world's creatures, including the smaller ones.

PETA members have historically exhibited adeptness at drawing attention to their organization, their newest publicity stunt being no exception.

Their new "Compassion Tour" involves beautiful, naked women in raised platforms and lying in bed in a very public setting. The catch? The women are breast feeding large broods of "guest" bed bugs in order to advocate "compassion for the smaller creatures of the world."

"I just think people tend to be irrational and overreactive," explained PETA president, Ingrid Newkirk. "Ever since President Obama brutally murdered that innocent fly on national television, we've felt a pressing need to raise America's consciousness concerning some of our smaller, often overlooked and underappreciated, friends of the earth."

In actuality, PETA doesn't advocate the "ownership" of any animals, thus, the "guest" characterization for the bed bugs used in this latest stunt. However, Newkirk was quick to point out that that doesn't mean we humans should forcibly remove these tiny guests from our homes.

"Of course not," Newkirk retorted, "invite them in! There's absolutely no reason to overreact here. How much space does a person need anyway?" she asked rhetorically. "I mean, these little guys tuck themselves neatly out of the way during the day and only venture out at night for a mere tiny snack -- and only when we're already fast asleep anyway," she explained.

Yet somehow, despite her reassurances to the contrary, one remains rather skeptical as to the efficacy of PETA's latest stunt for publicity.

Will the public empathize with the soft, maternal imagery of a mostly naked woman gently nurturing her six legged feasting brood? Or, will the public's reaction be one of horrified repugnance?

Only time will tell.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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