NBA Star Richard Jefferson Says, "I Don't"

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Thursday, 16 July 2009

image for NBA Star Richard Jefferson Says, "I Don't"
San Antonio Spurs star Richard Jefferson's 'not quite' bride Kesha Ni' Cole Nichols.

NEW YORK CITY - Former New Jersey Net player and now San Antonio Spur Richard Jefferson was a 'no show' at his own wedding.

Jefferson called the whole thing off just 17 minutes before the thing was to have occurred.

His fiancee, the gorgeous and sexy as hell Kesha Ni'Cole Nichols, an ex-New Jersey Nets Dancer, was reportedly in a state of shock in the state of New Jersey, just across the Hudson River.

Meanwhile Jefferson gave his World-Wide Wonderful credit card to the not-quite best man, Monroe Courtquist and told him to tell everyone to have a humdinger of a time.

Jefferson told Courtquist to tell all of the fellas that the beer, the liquor, the hors d'oeuvres, and the ho's were all on him.

The price tag for the 'non-wedding' was a staggering $2 million. The caterer for the 'non-wedded bliss event,' The Food Friends of Frankfort (Kentucky) had flown in 600 pounds of Hong Kong Sushi, 590 pounds of Shanghai Tofu, 480 pounds of Cambodian Caviar, and 821 pounds of Guatemalan Guacamole.

Jefferson's business manager Kishiro Masatushi said that all of the food will be donated to the homeless people of Brooklyn, Queens, Detroit, and Finland.

The flowers will all go to St. Hayla Church. Hayla is regarded as the patron saint of the cab drivers. The 295 boxes of Uncle Ben's Converted Rice will be donated to The Jackie Chan Chinese Food Drive Bank located in Bedford-Stuyvesant.

San Antonio Spurs coach Greg Popovich was asked what he thought about all of this mass confusion surrounding the latest Spur.

Popovich just grinned and in his Popovich style said that as long as (Richard) shows up for practice and gives me 100 percent during the games he could care less if he stays single, or gets married to five women, or does a Brokeback Mountain imitation.

SIDENOTE: It is not as yet being reported but there is a rumor that the reason that Jefferson called off the wedding is because he overheard his not-quite future wife say to a close girlfriend that she heard that it has been 102 degrees in San Antonio lately.

And apparently Kesha Ni'Cole also remarked that there is no way on earth that she is going to take her sweet little black ass down to San Antonio where a soft and tender girl like her would turn into a piece of bacon after about 30 minutes in the blistering hot San Antonio sun!

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more