Crystal Defanti Points Out Horse Penis on Class Fieldtrip

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Saturday, 4 July 2009


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image for Crystal Defanti Points Out Horse Penis on Class Fieldtrip
That thing's big enough to choke a horse!

SACRAMENTO, CA - Teacher Crystal Defanti shocked students of Isabelle Jackson Elementary school today when, on a fieldtrip to a Sacramento, California area farm, she made "highly inappropriate" references to the genitalia and behavior of farm animals.

"You see that?" she asked one little girl who was gazing intently at a certain part of one horse's anatomy, which had suddenly become quite prominent as the horse was preparing to urinate. "That's his ding-a-ling. He uses that to have sex!"

Another little boy, who happened to notice two panting, bleating sheep engaged in the throes of sexual intercourse, was told, "Boy, he's really giving it to her good, huh?" Asked about the incident later, he is reported to have said, "I don't know izzackly what he was givin' her, but I guess he was doin' it alright."

Defanti insisted that the whole thing was really just "a big accident," indicating that the sudden appearance of sexual content on an approved class field trip took her by surprise as much as anyone.

Parent's say they are horrified something like this could be allowed to happen again, noting some of the older students might know enough already to get the wrong idea from her "highly inappropriate remarks." They pointed out that Defanti's apparent lack of qualifications to teach children about the birds and the bees had been previously highlighted when she released a sex tape to her students, hoping to create "special memories."

The administration of Isabelle Jackson Elementary assured parents that Defanti is otherwise an excellent teacher, despite these bafflingly inexplicable errors in judgement, and assured them they were considering a response to the incident very carefully.

"Trust me, if this happens even just one or two more times," said the school's superintendent, "we're going to have to consider giving Miss Defanti a verbal reprimand."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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