The San Francisco Zoo's Gay Penguin Scandal

Funny story written by Abel Rodriguez

Monday, 13 July 2009


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This used to be the penguin house of Pepper and Harry, a gay penguin couple.

SAN FRANCISCO - An aviary scandal has hit the usually quite laid-back San Francisco Zoo.

Zoo Director Bodega Garcia-Sinclair said that a gay penguin couple Harry and Pepper have been a same-sex couple for six years. The two gay birds made world-wide news when a few years ago they legally adopted a baby penguin, which they named Skippy.

Up until recently Harry and Pepper had been very happy in their 'marriage' which under California law is, sad to say, not really recognized as a marriage, but instead, it is looked upon more as a type of 'shacking up' if you will.

The trouble started last week, when a female penguin named Linda caught the penguin eye of Harry. Linda would go up to Harry as he was relaxing on a slab of ice and she would erotically wiggle her penguin fins in front of Harry.

At first Harry would just ignore her and look the other way, but last week when Linda actually sat down on Harry's lap something happened.

Yes, Linda the penguin had succeeded in giving Harry the penguin an erection, known in the scientific bird world as a penguinistic peterola erectionitus.

Immediately Linda started clapping her fins together as if to say, "Yes, I still got it!" Harry, on the other (fin) did not say a word, but the penguin slobber that was emanating from his feathery mouth spoke volumes.

San Francisco Zoo psychiatrist Dr. Gene Playfair, who himself is gay, was immediately called and told to bring a camera.

When Dr. Playfair arrived at the penguin house, he instantly noticed that Pepper was not a happy penguin at all. He was pacing up and down the length of the entire penguin sanctuary.

Meanwhile he noticed that at the far end of the frozen penguin shelter he could see Linda happily sitting on Harry's 'lap' and the the two 'lovebirds' were holding (fins).

In an effort to console the heartbroken Pepper, Dr. Playfair instructed one of the zoo workers Lorenzo Montecafe, an illegal alien from Baja California, to get another male penguin for Pepper.

Montecafe told the doctor that he did not feel right trying to force a guy penguin to get together with another guy penguin.

Dr. Playfair got Montecafe off to the side and he reached in his shirt pocket and he showed him a photograph of the Tijuana Bridge (looking south). Montecafe quickly ran off and picked out a boy penguin that looked kind of on the effeminate side.

When the sissy-looking penguin named Tuxy was put in a prefabricated corral-like enclosure with Pepper, Pepper immediately picked up a snowball and hit Tuxy in the crotch with it.

Tuxy got pissed off and he picked up an ice cube tray and he threw it at Pepper. Luckily the ice tray missed hitting an ice cream machine. Dr. Playfair instructed Montecafe to take Tuxy out of the enclosure.

So now, in desperation, the San Francisco Zoo has put out a call to Fairbanks, Alaska, which is home to the world's leading penguin whisperer, Bradston P. LaForest.

Zoo Director Bodega Garcia-Sinclair has said that the zoo will be flying LaForest out to San Francisco in hopes that he can help Pepper get over the fact that Linda the penguin, who many zoo workers are referring to as that slutty ice-home wrecking penguin piece-of-ass, has broken up Pepper and Harry's happy penguin home.

In a related story. There is no truth to the rumor that Linda the penguin has a tattoo on her penguin rump that reads, "Born To Raise Hell At Least 'Til Hell Freezes Over."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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