Written by Abel Rodriguez

Tuesday, 21 July 2009

HOLLYWOOD - Lisa Marie Presley's lingerie company, LMP's Bikini Thongs & Things has just announced that the latest line of Lisa Marie Designer Panties is now available at better department stores such as Macy's, Traci's, Saks Fifth Avenue, Slax Second Street, and Wal-Mart's new lingerie self-standing store, Wal-Marvelous.

Recently Lisa Marie got together with noted Italian lingerie designers Kiko and Kiki Camparetti and together they designed what is now known as The Lisa Marie Presley Sweet Ass Designer String Bikini Thong Fanties.

And these 'Fanties' are designed with her fans in mind. They come in a boxed set of seven. One for each day of the week. And each pair of 'Fanties' comes with a different saying:

  • Monday - Open 24 Hours A Day
  • Tuesday - For Sale - Inquire Within
  • Wednesday - The Bikini Line Starts Here
  • Thursday - Home Is Where The Hard Is
  • Friday - Touchdown!
  • Saturday - Bob Barker Says, "Come On Down!"
  • Sunday - Ring Bell For Service


Lisa Marie has stated that part of the proceeds from the sale of her 'Fanties' will go to feed the starving children of Wyoming.

Wyoming Senator Jolene "Tipsy" Von Zinzendorf has stated that one gift of $14 will feed a hungry child for seven hours.

The program called "Vittles For The Kiddoes" has already had extreme success in Michigan, Kentucky, New Hampshire, and Mississippi.

Von Zinzendorf said that the only state that the VFTK program was not successful was in Iowa. It seems that an Iowa farmer named Bubba "Timothy" Lipscomb and his wife Trifecta Sue were receiving funds to feed their 27 children, which turned out to actually be just a 7-year-old boy, Normy "Little Kernel" Lipscomb and a 3-month-old baby girl Lucy "Cobby" Lipscomb.

The Midwest monumental scandal made national headlines and was referred to as "The Children of The Cornfield Scandal."

In football sports news. England has defeated Belgium 7 to 0 to capture The UECNFL (Upper English Channel Nude Football League) Championship. English player Johnny Pauly Skeffington was named the games' Most Valuable Player, Most Devoted Player, and Most Well-Endowed Player.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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