SAN FRANCISCO, CA - Things got hot and heavy in a New York minute when Crystal Defanti and Carrie Prejean bumped into each other, then ended up bumping uglies at a Sacramento boutique; at least, that's what happened in one spoof writer's most recent publication, but he said that's not stopping thousands of readers from completely ignoring the article he described as "filthy... but in a good way."
"This is... well, it's just fascinating," said the perplexed amateur smut peddler. "I expected to wake up and find my live ticker going nuts; instead, I found I'd spent the better part of an hour creating a funny piece of top-notch softcore pornography, only to find it's just sitting there, completely ignored. Wasted.
"What the hell is wrong with these people!?" he added.
He claimed he wrote a story just a few days ago about two guys tonguing each other at America's Got Idols runner-up Adam Lambert's taco stand, and readers "went crazy for it"; the piece literally exploded, racking up hundreds of views an hour.
A story about 17-year old, muscle bound man-child Taylor Lautner also recorded activity that was off the charts, though the writer claimed it may very well have been the provocative image included with the story that really turned heads.
"It's pretty clear what's happening here," said the bewildered spoofer. "Apparently, people just aren't that into lesbians anymore."
Stiffening his "resolve," he vowed to release the story he's "becoming more and more fond of" one last time, but with a different title, maybe one that employs the highly inappropriate juxtaposition of pre-teen characters with unsuitably adult themes.
"I really think that ought to do the trick! If it doesn't... well, then I guess I'm just gonna have to have to write lots more stories about fags!" he added with a wry grin, obviously still feeling the sting just a little bit.
It's either that, he said, or a whole bunch more stories about the man with the woman's largest penis and the woman with the world's largest vagina.