Andrea McNulty calls for review of Roethlisberger's infamous "quarterback sneak"

Funny story written by The San Francisco Onion

Friday, 24 July 2009


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image for Andrea McNulty calls for review of Roethlisberger's infamous "quarterback sneak"
Will play stand? Or will Roethlisberger get hit with late penalty? Big Ben says only time will tell.

THREE RIVERS STADIUM, USA - Andrea McNulty says Ben Roethlisberger called a bad play, then made an illegal use of hands (not to mention certain other parts of his anatomy), and now she wants the alleged personal foul brought up for official review more than a year after the play clock expired, bringing the game to an end.

The NFL quarterback said "The Play" obviously should be allowed to stand, namely because he and the Lake Tahoe, Nevada Farrah's casino employee had, on several previous occasions, practiced that very same play, on that very same field, long before the big game back in June 2008.

Prior to "The Play," Big Ben had already established himself as a bad boy, a rebellious type, riding around in blue jeans on a souped-up motorcycle with a pack of cigarettes rolled up in the sleeve of his T-shirt, his hair combed up in a pompadour, all the while demonstrating blatant disregard for the NFL establishment, its regulations, and his own personal safety.

This resulted in the gifted quarterback losing part of his face and nose in a horrible accident, though doctors were able to reconstruct a somewhat altered semblance of his former countenance through a series of difficult, complicated surgeries, during the course of which some believe he may have become addicted to painkillers.

Legal experts note that Roethlisberger now has two options: Face a nasty court battle over the alleged rape, likely televised and at the very least heavily sensationalized, or settle the rape case out of court and lead people to believe he must be hiding something.

While the first scenario would not bode well for the bad boy NFL quarterback, the second is perhaps worse. After all, everyone knows what happened to the King of Pop when he was supposedly exonerated of sex-related charges.

Speaking of "pop," maybe Roethlisberger could be The Next Michael Jackson... Isn't PepSi-Cola looking for someone to feature in their new ad campaign?

Just a thought.

Author's note: For the benefit of readers outside the USA, NFL stands for National Football League. Football is a popular American pastime bearing some similarity to rugby. Contests between teams of participants are nationally televised, and it is widely regarded by people across the globe (i.e. - Americans traveling abroad in planes and cruise ships) as the greatest sport in the world.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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