An Egg Is Not A Chicken Just As A Fertilized Egg Is Not A Person
A fried egg sunny-side-up is not a chicken. Get it? Even a poached egg, scrambled egg, stuffed egg, or hard-cooked egg is still not a chicken. Don’t panic, but egg shells after making a soufflé, frittata, quiche, and huevos rancheros would never…
Read full storyWhere Abortion is Legal – and Not Where You’d Think
Dear Americans, you are in good company. With abortion now illegal in your ridiculous country, you share such a law with some of your greatest allies. Abortion is also illegal in Iraq! Way to fight the good fight, America! It’s also illegal in…
Read full storyRussia’s Boomerang Missile
Russia fired a missile at Ukrainian forces, but the missile boomeranged and hit the ground shortly after launching, killing some Russian forces. While investigators were trying to find out why the error occurred, one comrade discovered that the in…
Read full storyAmy & Jesus 4-Ever in Love
Now that Amy Coney Barrett has voted in favour of ending abortion, she has been called back to her former cult, People of Praise, where she MUST resume her old activities as a hand-maiden. These activities will be alongside her duties as a Supreme…
Read full storyTo Screw Or Not To Screw
How many GOP politicians does it take to screw in a light bulb? The January 6th committee is still trying to figure out that answer. If Trump screws it in, and others applaud or help him screw, will he get screwed or will only they get screwed?…
Read full storyWhy Was The Acting Attorney General Outside In Pajamas At 3 AM?
The US Attorney General Merrick Garland had Donald Trump's former assistant acting Attorney General Jeffery Clark's house raided at 3 AM, leaving Mr. Clark standing out on the lawn in his pajamas. No robe and no word if pajamas were Snoopy jammies.
Read full storyThe Rise and Fall of the American Empire
The committee to investigate the January 6th Insurrection is still going on, and each day it does, more and more Republican politicians are looking bad. Several of them were asking Trump for pardons. Wow! How many criminals are there in the Republica…
Read full storySupreme Court Judges Aborted Justice
Under oath during confirmation hearings, Judges Alito, Thomas, Gorsuch, Kavanaugh, and Barrett recognized Roe V Wade was the law of the land for over 50 years and that they would defend it. Instead, they have flipped once entrenched in the Suprem…
Read full storyThe NRA Is Reporting That They Are Still Losing Thousands of Members Each Month
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The NRA executives are scratching their heads, but not with automatic assault weapons, worried about the amount of members who are telling the gun club, good-bye, arrivederci, chow, adios, and see ya later alligator. A sp…
Read full storyThe Donald Trump - Ivanka Trump Honeymoon Is Over!!!
MAR-A-LAGO - (Satire News) - Reports filtering out of the Trumptard's Florida mansion (aka Villa Vulgarian) state that it certainly looks like the honeymoon between "Cheeto Face" and his favorite child, Ivanka, is in fact over, as over can be. The…
Read full storySt. Louis Is Sizzing Like Hell As Temps Hit 119 Degrees!
ST. LOUIS, Missouri - (Satire News) - The 258-year-old city of St. Louis, which was named after Louis Quiskakowski, who was regarded by his relatives, friends, and co-workers as an absolute saint of a man, has just broken their all-time high temperat…
Read full storyHealth Experts Say That Eating Monkey Meat Will Not Cause The Monkeypox
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - US health experts want to assure the monkey meat eating public that eating monkey steaks, monkey burgers, or even monkey pizza will not cause the eater to develop the dreaded Monkeypox. Dr. Gordy Gorfellsteen, stated that…
Read full storyA 7.4 Earthquake Hits Idaho Destroying Over 16 Million Potatoes
POCATELLO, Idaho - Pocatello's Channel 701 Eye-Watcher News reports that the devastating earthquake that hit Idaho, did some extensive damage to the potato industry. The word is that the 7.4 SOB earthquake ruined over 16 million potatoes. Repor…
Read full storyCamilla Parker Bowles Comments That She Cannot Eat Crumpets Because They Make Her Very Horny
LONDON - (Satire News) - Camilla Parker Bowles, the Duchess of Cornwall, stated that at the age of 74, she finds that there are certain things that she can no longer eat. One of these foods is lobster tails. Another is chicken fried jellyfish.
Read full storyChinese Villager Tells Of A Weird Country Called America - Far Across Ocean
(A young villager from China returned from America - tells his friends about America.) All the men carry guns, and-walking, or in a car-shoot each other if one makes a small social mistake. They must have a license for the car - for safety reaso…
Read full storyAs America Cries, Putin Laughs
As America has now overturned the abortion law, and protests are ongoing, and many Americans are pissed off and scared that their country will soon be thrown back into Little House on the Prairie days, Vladimir Putin is happy. The world’s focus, i…
Read full storyCuba Cures Cancer
Little did anyone in the Western World know that CUBA CURED CANCER! Wha? And it wasn’t one of those ‘little cancers’, if there is such a thing, but a pretty fucking major one. Lung cancer! Holy shit, do people know this, or is this an exa…
Read full storyAbort, the Sport
The IOC had suggested a new sport to be allowed in the Olympics in the near future. Since America got rid of that pesky abortion law, other countries had rallied in support of those Americans who want abortion to come back. They have promised to a…
Read full storyAmericastan - The New America
With the overturning of Roe v Wade, the United States will soon become a fundamentalist Christian nation. Women and girls will no longer be able to vote, to hold government positions (sorry, Marjorie Taylor Greene and Lauren Boebert, you’ll soon b…
Read full storyThe Real Housewives of Afghanistan!
Coming soon to a controlled media outlet near you ... It’s the Real Housewives of Afghanistan! Watch as wives walk ten feet behind their husbands! Enjoy the female relationships between women who don’t even know what each other look like since…
Read full storyChina is Digging Into The Moon
A recently leaked document has revealed that China is digging into the moon. They already have landing craft on the dark side of the moon, but no one knew what they were doing there. They have begun digging to create the first lunar gulag! YAY, mo…
Read full storyPussy Riot, Russia’s All-Girl Heavy Metal Band, Performed At a Standing-Room Only Concert In Yankee Stadium To Benefit Ukraine
NEW UNI, Ukraine - (Satire News) - The heavy metal band, Pussy Riot, which is the music world's top Russian female band, has made it clear time after time, that they hate Vladimir Nikata Putin, with every fiber in their cotton tampons. The three m…
Read full storyNorth Korea Fires a Missile At Japan and It Boomerangs And Destroys The Launch Pad And a Massage Parlor
PYONGYANG, North Korea - (Satire News) - The Rice Paddy News Agency is reporting that North Korean leader Kim Jong-un is furious, after one of his missiles boomeranged after being launched, and it totally destroyed the launch pad, as well as a nearby…
Read full storyThe San Andreas Fault Has Been Fixed
LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) - Over 36 teams of construction workers worked round the clock for two months to fix the San Andreas Fault. The excellent, hard-working workers, who were brought in from Mexicali, Mexico, worked 12-hours shifts, and fin…
Read full storyClint Eastwood, Who Now Totally Hates Trump, Says The Asshole Didn't Realize He Was Wearing A Woman's Cowgirl Hat
LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) -The oldest living TV and motion picture cowboy, Clint Eastwood, who is 92, said that he loved staring as Rowdy Yates, in the old 50s western "Rawhide." Eastwood did admit to reporter Carolina Chipotle, with Bedroom Pil…
Read full storyPM Johnson States That Wood From The Sherwood Forest Will Be Used To Make Repairs To The London Bridge
LONDON - (Satire News) - Boris Johnson, the prime minister of England, has just stated that Parliament has approved the purchase of wood from the Sherwood Forest, to be used to make much-needed repairs to The London Bridge. The new London Bridge w…
Read full storyMitch McConnell is Death Warmed-Over
Death came to town the other day, and I got an exclusive interview with him/her/it. “So Death, is Mitch McConnell really you in disguise?” Death laughed. The Earth shook. I peed myself a little bit. I was afraid to ask another question, but…
Read full storyLauren is Lookin’ to Get Laid Tonight!
Lauren Boebert doesn’t care that, yes, she had abortions and was a hooker. Now that abortion is illegal, she’s lookin’ to get laid by anyone who loves guns, Jesus, the Republican party. “I wanna go to swinger’s clubs, nudist beaches, dark alleys,…
Read full storyTexas Approves Book-Burning
Governor Greg Abbot (Hey, Abbot! anyone remember that ... anyone?) of Texas has approved a new law burning any books he doesn’t like. So far, this includes all books ever written by women, gay people, black people, Hispanic people, Asian people,…
Read full story“Abortion” to be Removed from the Neo-American Dictionary
Since the Neo-Nazi Supreme Court of the Uber United States has aborted abortion, the word itself MUST BE REMOVED from the new American dictionary. If not, those who write or publish the dictionary could serve several life terms in a Super Max Jail in…
Read full storyMore of Trump’s Spewing Asshole
Since Donald Trump will soon release his new line of executive diapers, “Trump Dumps”, for the picky millionaire and billionaire, some of his family members and friends have reacted. Melania will no longer sleep with him. “He smells like my villag…
Read full storyTrump’s Exclusive New Line of Diapers: ‘Trump Dumps”
Donald Trump hates when his diaper backs up and his shit spews out of his mouth instead of his asshole. So he has invented (or paid someone to invent for him) a new type of extra-absorbent diaper, which comes in all sizes, especially extra-large, for…
Read full storyThe Pope is Still Taking a Shit on Kids
As Pope Francis was taking a shit and jerking off to old pictures of Macaulay Culkin and various boy band promo photos, this reporter snuck into the royal papal outhouse to ask the pontiff about his July visit to Canada. He would be going there be…
Read full storyDonald Trump Worried About New Anti-Abortion Laws
n overheard discussion between Donald Trump and one of his handmaidens (aka, live-in hookers). Seems old Donny is worried about not being able to get abortions for his many mistresses and account-expense hookers, nor his wife or daughters. “If I k…
Read full storyExtra! Extra! Clarence Thomas is Really Jabba the Hutt!
A secret Jedi Master at Disney Studios and Lucas Film has divulged that Supreme Court “Justice” Clarence Thomas is actually ... Jabba the Hutt! Just as Jabba liked to own Princess Leia in that hot golden bikini lingerie, so too does Clarence “Clar…
Read full storyAmerican football roundup for a British audience
Hi, I'm Buck Shanks, and I'm here to give y'all over there in England a run-down on the good ol' NFL. That's our kinda football. New York Rams took a pounding from the Chicago Bears 300-0. It was a memorable game as wide receiver Jefferson "Squelc…
Read full storyDoris Bunsen in crisis
By roving reporter, Man in a Spoons: I remember that one. Doris, his name was. Doris Bunsen. Yes, that were him. He were a right mess when I first saw him. He looked like a bleeding scarecrow. I thought he might be one o' them robot scarecrows,…
Read full storyThe World's Greatest Matador El Gazpacho Is Gored In Laredo, Spain
LAREDO, Spain - (Sports Satire) - The Sports Bet Gazette (Spain) has just informed their readers that the world's greatest matador Joaquin Beauregard Gazpacho was gored in Laredo, Spain's Generalisimo Francisco Franco Bullring. El Gazpacho was fig…
Read full storyArcheaologists Find Viking Whorehouse On Outskirts Of Windsor
Windsor has always been a Power Town, even back in Viking Times. Archeologists have now found the main whorehouse of England's first Viking ruler Sweyn Forksbeard. “This is the biggest whorehouse we have found so far in all of England,” an arc…
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