Hi, I'm Buck Shanks, and I'm here to give y'all over there in England a run-down on the good ol' NFL. That's our kinda football.
New York Rams took a pounding from the Chicago Bears 300-0. It was a memorable game as wide receiver Jefferson "Squelch" Fistigan missed a dribble down his leg from Boston "The Penetrator" Sockly. It was an early bath for the whole team, which I'm sure they enjoyed mightily. It's a real man's sport out there.
Meanwhile, Maine Coons beat the Florida Gators 7122 to 3128. The Gators' tight end Jesse "The Ball" Hornison spend most of the match on his knees, which gave the opposition something to smile about. Maine tackle guy Billy-Bob "Heavy Load" O'Law from Alabama was shooting non-stop, really getting in the face of the Florida man. Somehow Jesse swallowed it all up and kept on playing.
Finally the California Raisins played the Washington Monuments to a 3-3 draw. It was a rare low-scoring game, although the Raisins lost 500 points for refusing to wear helmets again. California back-end Gaylord Anus was putting himself in everyone's way. It was almost as if he wanted to let them inside him. The Monuments' first thruster Jocky O'Penis wouldn't say no to that, and he hit Anus hard. I don't know how the referee managed to separate them.
It's a game for real men, and for men who like to watch real men play with real men. It's not like your sissy soccerball games over there, you don't even wear any protection.
