Rudy "The Swamp Creature" Giuliani Gets His Ass Kicked By An Octogenarian Woman In a Wheelchair
BROOKLYN - (Satire News) - The former mayor of New York City, and ex-chief counsel for Don The Con (Trump) told Brooklyn police that while he was buying groceries, cigarettes, condoms, and vodka at the local Dilly Dally Supermarket Chain, an old blue…
Read full storySatan Wept ... Poor Little Guy
Satan called me up yesterday (we’re old old friends) and was crying. “Hey, hey, Prince of Darkness, wassa matter, buddy?” He sobbed and sucked snot up his nose, then sobbed some more. I gave him time to settle down and talk. “The Supreme C…
Read full storySharon Osbourne Says Her Messed Up Husband Ozzy Osbourne Wants To Be Just Like Trump When He Grows Up - WTF?
LOS ANGELES - (Satire News) - The Osbourne's (Ozzy and Sharon) are headed down the Big D path (divorce). Sharon says that she has had it with her space cadet husband constantly cutting down her hair, her cellulite thighs, her closed mind, and her…
Read full storyChrist Born a Jew, Lived a Jew, Died a Jew - Let Us Christians and 'Supremes' Pray To Him
Jesus went to the Synagogue all his life and prayed yearly to Jehovah in the Big Jewish Temple. Christians being a confused people - think he was a Christian. But have no idea when he became a Christian. Does this remind you of a fruitcake with nu…
Read full storyNo More Cuttin’ Footloose!
Soon, Americans will no longer able to “cut footloose”, or “kick off the Sunday shoes”. Fuck Sundays – that’s not the Lord’s Day, it’s a day of hangovers and football. Kevin Bacon tried to show us how to rebel against rabid Christian preachers wh…
Read full storyThe NRA Is Buying Nascar - Last Car To Survive Wins Race
The NRA is so rich, they are expanding and buying NASCAR for $20 Million. The new name is the National Rifle and Racing Association - NRRA. It is the NRA's idea of competing with Disney. Disney makes lots of money - and the NRA wants to branch…
Read full storyIceland's F-347 Drops Its Four Bombs And Destroys Four Russian Military Tanks
KIRKJUBAEJARKAUSTURX, Iceland - (Satire News) - Iceland's Icicles News Aency has just announced that the fighter jet that the country sent to fight the Russian's in Ukraine has destroyed four communist tanks. The F-347, piloted by Capt. Selfossian…
Read full storyA UFO Landed In Chicago And Within Four Minutes It Was Completely Stripped
CHICAGO - (Satire News) - The Wild Whispers News Agency revealed that a UFO landed in The Cottonball neighborhood of Chicago and the space aliens got the surprise of their lives. A witness named Thondella "Bubba" Brofin, said that within four minu…
Read full storyPutin's Proud 41st Moscow Super Infantry Regiment Is Decimated By England's 19th Liverpool Heavy Artillery Tank Regiment
SHIMSHIMINY, Ukraine - (Satire News) - The Kremlin Voice is not happy to report that Vlady Putin's Russian invaders are getting their communist keisters kicked all over the Ukraine battlefields. The KV noted that in the most recent battle of The…
Read full storyThe Prime Minister of Cambodia Has Changed The Name of The Monkeypox
PHENOM PENH, Cambodia - The Jungle Times News Agency has revealed that Prime Minister Hun Sen, has decided to stop calling the monkeypox virus, the monkeypox virus. An aide to the PM said that Hun Sen has decided (with help from his sexy svelte wi…
Read full storyTrump Is Now Saying That California Imported One Million Eskimos From The North Pole To Vote For Biden
APALACHICOLA, Florida - (Satire News) - The former resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Ave. was in Apalachicola getting an estimate on botox to his gonads (balls). Trump says that he has just gotten fed up with his tiny pea-size testicles, which Melania…
Read full storyRudy’s Big Pussy
Rudy Guiliani was spotted in New York Pride Parade sporting a YUGE PUSSY! Donald Trump tried to grope him, so Rudy knew he was doing something right. Melania wept since she was knocked off top spot by Rudy’s immense gash. Ivanka managed to stick a…
Read full storyGhislaine Maxwell Isn’t Suicidal, Just Terrified
Ghislaine Maxwell’s lawyer has said that she’s not feeling suicidal, even though prison officials have put her on suicide watch. She’s scared. She knows (as we all do) what happens when you’re dirt and you have dirt on many powerful people who are…
Read full storyElon Musk’s “Make Me A Trillionaire” Fund
In 2022, Forbes Magazine has listed a total of 2,668 billionaires in the world, and 56.1 million millionaires. Stiff competition! Every millionaire has a higher goal to reach, but where is the top of the mountain for billionaires? Elon Musk…
Read full storyThe Solar System Will Soon Be For Sale
Enceladus is the brightest moon of Saturn, and of the entire solar system, and it has most of the ingredients to create and sustain life. What makes it so bright is the ice which covers its surface, with temperatures reaching -198C at noon. This remi…
Read full storySupreme Court - In Fall - To Rule For Prayer in School - But Only Christian Prayer
Alabama is bringing a case to the Supreme Court. in the fall. Clarence Thomas has already given it the Nod - so the Court will affirm that Alabama has total Religious Freedom, as in the Original Constitution - (the one with legal slavery and no Votin…
Read full storyBlack Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas' White Wife Is Divorcing Him Because Of His Obsession With Ebonics
WASHINGTON, D.C. - (Satire News) - The Black Supreme Court justice who insists that he's really white has just been shocked out of his black judge's robe. Clarence Leroy Thomas, who is 74, but looks 94, has just found out from his landscaper, that…
Read full storyIowa Corn Farmers Say That The 107 Degree Heat Is Causing Lots of Their Corn To Pop
WATERLOO, Iowa - (Satire News) - Most of the corn farmers in Iowa are shaking their heads in disbelief, as the infernal temperatures are hovering close to the 110 degree mark. A weatherman for Waterloo's PBS Channel 102, stated that the temperatur…
Read full story