ST. LOUIS, Missouri - (Satire News) - The 258-year-old city of St. Louis, which was named after Louis Quiskakowski, who was regarded by his relatives, friends, and co-workers as an absolute saint of a man, has just broken their all-time high temperature record.
At 4:57 pm, the temperature in the city famous for its herds of Missouri mules, hit 119 degrees.
In fact, it was so damn hot that slithering snakes could be seen seeking shelter from the damn heat in some of the city's O'Boys (public portable toilets).
One homeless person said that he took a sparrow's egg from a nearby nest and he broke over the pavement and the egg completely cooked within 35 seconds.
Meanwhile, VP Kamala Harris has assured the city that she will be traveling down to St. Louis, and providing the city with a US government check for $26 million so that the city can purchase tons and tons of ice from Canada.
