Funny story: Man Has 'A Match', But Doesn't Know How To Say Her Name

Man Has 'A Match', But Doesn't Know How To Say Her Name

A man perusing the pages of a satirical news website was notified, to his obvious delight, that he had found his 'match' - an Asian beauty called Xiaoke, aged 27 - but was embarrassed by the fact that he wasn't sure how to pronounce her name correctl…

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Funny story: Trump Didn’t Know Russians Paid Taliban To Kill Americans?

Trump Didn’t Know Russians Paid Taliban To Kill Americans?

Like the song goes, “I didn’t know the gun was loaded”. Donald Trump is now claiming he didn’t know that Russia, under the leadership of good pal, Vlad Putin, was paying the Taliban bounty fees to kill American soldiers. Some say Trump was brie…

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Funny story: You had all of lockdown to read me and you still have not read a page

You had all of lockdown to read me and you still have not read a page

Location: Your Desk Let’s be clear, it has been about four months since this whole stay at home thing started. You pulled me out of the bookshelf, placed me on the desk, and told a friend that you were finally going to read me. What happened?…

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Funny story: Slumlord President

Slumlord President

During the Vietnam days, claiming bone spurs and fighting the war against VD, Donald Trump was a landlord and also fighting rent control in Manhattan. Born in Queens, he longed for the big time in Manhattan. Once there, he wanted to tear down a bu…

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Funny story: People will have to relearn Small talk

People will have to relearn Small talk

People throughout the world are having to relearn the art of small-talk, now that shops and offices are beginning to open. The population, used to grunting, not getting out of their pyjamas until mid-morning, and going to bed early, will have to r…

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Funny story: Your Three Chances Of Winning Love: SLIM, NONE and FAT

Your Three Chances Of Winning Love: SLIM, NONE and FAT

BILLINGSGATE POST: In the Pantheon of gods that determine your chances of winning love, there are three that govern your destiny. Listed in decreasing order of probability, they are SLIM, NONE and FAT. For those of you who are in love, and wear a…

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Funny story: Man still reading the Daily Mail on-line for the News

Man still reading the Daily Mail on-line for the News

Shane Meadowside, 39, has revealed that, unlike most people, he still reads the Daily Mail for the insightful news content, rather than to simply post unpleasant things about people he doesn't know like most people seem to. Talking earlier, he sai…

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Funny story: Tea-Boy has been practising during Lockdown

Tea-Boy has been practising during Lockdown

49-year-old tea boy, Jason Isaacs, has been practising during the lockdown. Although now a senior member of the team at Seagull and Johns Solicitors, he has never had any ambition to do more with his life. 'I could have had a great career, but I t…

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Funny story: Are you contemplating your navel again?

Are you contemplating your navel again?

During Lockdown, it has probably come to your attention that you have been spending too long contemplating your navel. Why is that? Is your navel that interesting? No, it is not, so here are some other things to think about: 1) Why are most…

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Funny story: Black Wives Chatter!

Black Wives Chatter!

"Grandpa would be turnin' in his grave, innit", said Cedella Campbell, of Stratford, London. "Came over on dat Windrush boat, 1948, Tilbury, and now dis Johnson fatman, he just mash everyone up. I dig all Indians, but how dey speak, man, dey sound li...

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Funny story: Festival Goer spent the weekend in a tent in his garden

Festival Goer spent the weekend in a tent in his garden

Gary Johnson, a Paul Weller fan and husband of Lorraine, has spent the weekend in a tent in his back garden, so that he doesn't lose the need to spend weekends in tents in strange fields with people two decades younger than himself when festivals sta…

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Funny story: Etch a Sketch cafe relaunches festive Coffee

Etch a Sketch cafe relaunches festive Coffee

Although it is six months until Christmas, Kevin Wilkes, from Etch a Sketch-themed Cafe Sketchers in Chutney on the Fritz's high street has decided to launch his festive range early. 'Yes, next week we will re-open,' said the hirsute 25-year-old.

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Funny story: Black Lace record has been played too many times during Lockdown

Black Lace record has been played too many times during Lockdown

Agadoo, a 1980s hit for Yorkshire-based popular beat combo, Black Lace, is said to be the most heard, but least wanted song played during the lockdown. Couples all over the country, wanting to remember the good times when Auntie Janice would form…

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Funny story: Brian's Guide to Paperclip Curation still not selling

Brian's Guide to Paperclip Curation still not selling

Chutney on the Fritz's entrepreneur, Brian Asshat, has revealed to us that, since the launch of his guide to paper-clip curation was launched on Amazon Kindle, it is yet to sell a single copy. 'I did like all of the experts tell you,' said the 64-…

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Funny story: Iceland is Worried as Hell About Global Warming

Iceland is Worried as Hell About Global Warming

REYKJAVIK, Iceland – Reports coming out of Iceland are saying that many of the country’s inhabitants are starting to get extremely stressed over Global Warming. President Guoni Johnnesson recently noted that there are parts of the country that are…

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Funny story: Toddler still Toddling

Toddler still Toddling

2-year-old toddler, Brian Hammerstein, has told the world, or at least the family cat, that he plans to be still toddling in three months from now. 'Why would I want to be a grown-up?' asked Brian (a name you wouldn't associate with a toddler, but…

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Funny story: Couple telling everyone about their lock down anxiety dreams

Couple telling everyone about their lock down anxiety dreams

Mithering on the Trent couple, Stan and Vera, have been telling anyone who would listen, including their postmen, about the weird, anxiety lockdown dreams they have been having lately. 'Yes, it has been a bit strange,' said Stan, when we were the…

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Funny story: President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

CALEXICO, California – President Donald Trump has inspected a section of his big beautiful wall that Mexico will be paying for, ahhh, sometime in 2025 maybe. A Border Patrol agent, who drove him along the wall, said that POTUS asked him why they h…

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Funny story: Sammy Hagar Pisses Off a Lot of Real Singers

Sammy Hagar Pisses Off a Lot of Real Singers

BISON SPIT, Montana – Former singer, Sammy Hagar, who is 72-going-on-92, has just made what is being considered by many to be the most idiotic, stupid remark regarding the Coronavirus pandemic yet. The Memphis Post-Haste newspaper wrote that even...

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Funny story: Man really missing his taxidermy group during lockdown

Man really missing his taxidermy group during lockdown

Gareth Johnson, a jovial man who likes to talk about the weather to strangers on the train, has revealed that, during the lockdown, he has missed the weekly exploits provided by his taxidermy group. 'I miss it,' said Gareth. 'I mean, the group is…

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Funny story: Nigel Farage is definitely a reincarnated Oswald Mosley clone!

Nigel Farage is definitely a reincarnated Oswald Mosley clone!

Although the Covid 19 pandemic is a global disaster, there sometimes can be a 'silver lining' in any form of negativity. UK testing has been a disaster, we all know that, but one test has thrown up significant proof that reincarnation is a fact!…

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Funny story: Justin Bieber Files a Counter-Lawsuit Against His Sexual Accuser

Justin Bieber Files a Counter-Lawsuit Against His Sexual Accuser

AUSTIN – Justin Bieber says that he is getting fed up with every time he smiles at a girl, she runs home, gets on the computer, and says that she was sexually assaulted by him. Bieber said that most of these types of women are 6s or lower. He poin…

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Funny story: Protesters Win and Now The John Wayne Airport Will Be Renamed

Protesters Win and Now The John Wayne Airport Will Be Renamed

SANTA ANA, California – The town that gave the name to the famous Santa Ana Winds has just voted to drop the name of the John Wayne Airport. Several groups of Native-Americans including the Mescalero Apaches, the Chiricahua Apaches, the Coyotero A…

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Funny story: KFC Addresses the Rumor That They Fed Their Chickens Picante Sauce To Produce a Naturally Spicy Chicken

KFC Addresses the Rumor That They Fed Their Chickens Picante Sauce To Produce a Naturally Spicy Chicken

LOUISVILLE, Kentucky – The Kentucky Fried Chicken Corporation wants to address a rumor that apparently first started in Pensacola, Florida. Reignbeau Berra, who is KFC’s director of advertising, said that she first heard about the rumor from her 1…

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Funny story: Black Lives Matter Targets English Towns With 'White' In Their Name

Black Lives Matter Targets English Towns With 'White' In Their Name

As the Black Lives Matter caravan careers on and on, with, seemingly, no limit as to where it might end up, there has been unrest in hundreds of locations in England whose names contain the word 'White'. Demonstrations, protests, riots, looting, a…

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Funny story: Top 10 Things That WILL Kill You in 2020

Top 10 Things That WILL Kill You in 2020

Death is ALWAYS around an unexpected corner. A person can NEVER be too safe. FEAR not, friends. I’m here to proffer a very specific list in the hopes that it will SAVE lives. Below is a list of the ten most likely things to KILL you in th…

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Funny story: Biden calls for mandatory mask-wearing; almost gets himself tested with a GX-2009 Portable Multi-Gas Detector

Biden calls for mandatory mask-wearing; almost gets himself tested with a GX-2009 Portable Multi-Gas Detector

Yesterday in an interview with a major news network, Mr. Biden confirmed he is an advocate of mask-wearing, and he will make it mandatory, when president. He stood eight feet away from the anchor at his news desk, both wearing masks, Mr. Biden bac…

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