AUSTIN – Justin Bieber says that he is getting fed up with every time he smiles at a girl, she runs home, gets on the computer, and says that she was sexually assaulted by him.
Bieber said that most of these types of women are 6s or lower. He pointed out that everyone who knows him is well aware of the fact that he only hits on women who are at least a 9.
Justin swears that he was so busy performing at the SXSW Music Festival & Jalapeno Eating Contest in Austin, that he barely had time to pee.
So the Beebs has said that he will fight fire with fire, what’s good for the goose is good for the gander, and if Fido was a bitch, he’d have had puppies.
Justin has contacted the nation’s top two female attorneys, Gloria Allred and her hot-looking daughter, Lisa Bloom, who together have won hundreds of sexual assault cases for their clients.
One of their most famous was the case of Sixtus F. Americus vs. the Denver Broncos Cheerleaders.
Bieber has said that he will win his counter sexual assault lawsuit because he will prove that, on the night of the alleged assault, he was in his hotel room at The Mrs. Lyndon B. Johnson Hotel, with Hailey Baldwin (his wife), Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomez, Jennifer Aniston, and two local Hooters Girls.