Black Wives Chatter!

Written by T. Loaf

Sunday, 28 June 2020

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We're all the same...innit...

"Grandpa would be turnin' in his grave, innit", said Cedella Campbell, of Stratford, London. "Came over on dat Windrush boat, 1948, Tilbury, and now dis Johnson fatman, he just mash everyone up. I dig all Indians, but how dey speak, man, dey sound like Surrey accountants."

In the wake of Black Lives Matter protests across the USA, persons with skin of a darker pigment in the UK have begun venting their anger and disdain regarding the current askew slant of status quo in Britain and Parliament. Interestingly, differences between those of West Indian origin and Indian origin have surfaced, which indicate a hint of discord between the communities.

While in Priti Patel as Home Secretary and Rishi Sunak as Chancellor of the Exchequer, ethnic Indians can claim two Cabinet Ministers, our friends of Jamaican heritage have been left out in the cold.

"Can't understand," said Amelia Brown, of Walthamstow. "Wot's wid diversity? Most of our men are called Winston or Lloyd. I mean, dey're predestined for office, innit. Chaka chaka government, man, chaka chaka."

And it all appears to be linked to language. While Patel and Sunak do, indeed, sound like over-polished versions of Durham University graduates, Britons whose ancestors originate from Kingston town and Montego Bay proudly uphold their true venacular, resisting linguistic assimilation in both vocabulary and dialect. The result: very little representation in decision-making bodies.

Amy Williams, of Brentford, struck a more amicable chord. "All ok. Indians are clever, but not authentic. We're authentic, but...Anyway, I don't wanna work in Parliament, so...Bless up, an' inna di morrows. An' I'm all tied up in this #MeToo stuff now. I mean, sure, Black Lives Matter, but ' I can't do it all.."

Meanwhile, a jaunty young lady dressed in a Royal Mail red burqa, with EIIR stamped in gold on the back, passed by. Now which racist said that thing about letterboxes?

"Hmmm, our PM is a rowdy sheeter, innit", added Ms. Williams.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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