Toddler still Toddling

Written by Ben Macnair

Sunday, 28 June 2020

image for Toddler still Toddling
Lego, just right for my punishments

2-year-old toddler, Brian Hammerstein, has told the world, or at least the family cat, that he plans to be still toddling in three months from now.

'Why would I want to be a grown-up?' asked Brian (a name you wouldn't associate with a toddler, but all Brians were babies once).

'I can do what I like, I can fall over, cry a bit, and people think I am cute.

'If my humans don't do what I want, I can throw a tantrum in the street, or the park, and do you know how much pain a Lego brick can give? I don't, but my Mum and Dad do, and it is just so funny seeing their faces.

'Why would I want to be an adult? They have to fill in a mortgage form and everything!'

Brian's inner monologue is quite well educated for a 2-year-old who struggles with walking, and can only say the word 'beige'.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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