BILLINGSGATE POST: In the Pantheon of gods that determine your chances of winning love, there are three that govern your destiny. Listed in decreasing order of probability, they are SLIM, NONE and FAT.
For those of you who are in love, and wear a silly grin, we have Johnny Mathis:
Chances are 'cause I wear a silly grin
The moment you come into view
Chances are you think that I'm in love with you
Chance Rating: SLIM. Chicks are ambivalent about dudes who wear silly grins.
For those of you who don’t have a silly grin:
Chance Rating: NONE. Try taping a $100 dollar bill to your forehead.
For those who have neither a silly grin nor $100 bill:
Chance Rating: FAT. You are doomed to a life of unrequited love. Learn to live with it.
Slim: “At least I have a f*cking chance.”
Dirty: “Yo, Dude. You look like Alfred E. Neuman on steroids.”