Funny story - Brian's Guide to Paperclip Curation still not selling

Brian's Guide to Paperclip Curation still not selling

Chutney on the Fritz's entrepreneur, Brian Asshat, has revealed to us that, since the launch of his guide to paper-clip curation was launched on Amazon Kindle, it is yet to sell a single copy. 'I did like all of the experts tell you,' said the 64-…

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Funny story - Man Found Woman Asleep In His House

Man Found Woman Asleep In His House

In a strange incident reminiscent of a scene from the children's fairy story, 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', a man has spoken of how he came home to discover an unknown woman asleep in his house. The incident happened earlier this afternoon whe…

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Funny story - Brian still can't play the banjo

Brian still can't play the banjo

Chutney on the Fritz's foremost bachelor Brian Asshat still can't play the Banjo, despite owning one for nearly forty years and having a lot of time to spend learning during the lockdown. The four-string tenor model that Brian owns has been in his...

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Funny story - Unpopular Man on Facebook still unpopular

Unpopular Man on Facebook still unpopular

Despite having a lot more time to kill, local man Wayne Badger is still no more popular on social networking sites than he was this time last year. With only seven friends on Facebook (3 of whom have deactivated) and 17 followed on Twitter, the ch...

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Funny story - Starbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It

Starbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It

A mug produced by the world-famous coffee percolators, Starbucks Coffee, was found to be 'not fit for purpose' when one man decided to use it for the first time yesterday. Moys Kenwood, 55, gagging for a cup of tea, boiled some water in his kettle...

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Funny story - Local Dolly Parton Fan Gets Breast Implants

Local Dolly Parton Fan Gets Breast Implants

Local man Kevin King, 28, has become something of a local celebrity after he appeared at the local Dolly Parton festival in Mrs. Bridges garden last week topless. You see Kevin had just recently undergone breast augmentation surgery - just like hi...

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Funny story - Man regrets buying a set of dumbells

Man regrets buying a set of dumbells

Stan Bridgewater regrets the set of dumbells that he bought from Argos three days before the country went into Lockdown. 'They just sit there in the lounge, mocking my pipe-cleaner arms. I swore that, by the time Lockdown was lifted, I would be ab…

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Funny story - English Town Accidentally 'Twinned' With French Brothel

English Town Accidentally 'Twinned' With French Brothel

The residents of the sleepy Cotswold town of Stains-on-Pillowcase have today suffered a rude awakening when it emerged that due to an administrative error their town had been twinned with, O La La Bonk, which it now transpires is actually a Brothel i...

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Funny story - Man's grudges only growing more and more dangerous

Man's grudges only growing more and more dangerous

Having recently escaped from Ikea, ladies man, Brian Asshat, has revealed that the many grudges he already has have been growing during the lockdown. 'Let's look at the people I dislike. Hilary from the library, Tom Johnson from down the street, B…

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Funny story - Area Dad: Lawn needs to be cut this weekend

Area Dad: Lawn needs to be cut this weekend

Although local woman Alexa Britzner was only half paying attention, her dad was just saying that he thinks he’s going to cut the lawn this weekend. This announcement came despite the fact that 84% of neighbors think the lawn looks fine. “[The…

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Funny story - Local Man Too Tired To Fart - Will He Have The Energy To Vote?

Local Man Too Tired To Fart - Will He Have The Energy To Vote?

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he was too tired to fart, and that he couldn't guarantee his local Conservative Party candidate that he'd turn up at the polls on Thursday either. Blaming overwork, and a hectic rock 'n' roll life...

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Funny story - Area Man Proves Doubters, Critics Right

Area Man Proves Doubters, Critics Right

NEW YORK, NY--When Jerry Elmswick dropped out of college in 1996 to start his own travel agency, he faced a rapid barrage of criticism and disapproval from his friends and family. 17 years later, Elmswick can finally stand up and tell all of his doub...

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Funny story - Tea Bag Crisis Looms

Tea Bag Crisis Looms

There were worried looks and a lot of 'pacing up-and-down' in one Battambang household last night, after a man realised he was down to his last few tea bags. Moys Kenwood, 54, made himself a 'proper brew' as usual, but noticed that there were only...

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Funny story - Man forgot he was going bald

Man forgot he was going bald

After his first trip to the hairdresser in four months, Stan Bridgewater was cruelly reminded of the fact that he is going bald. The formerly hirsute office junior, 47, brushed his hair once, and left it at that, knowing that it would continue to…

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Funny story - Teacher's Armpits Were Rank

Teacher's Armpits Were Rank

There were frowns all around the staffroom of a school in Battambang this morning, when a substitute teacher who had turned up to do a day's teaching took off her cardigan to reveal unsightly circles of perspiration in her armpits. In fairness, th...

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Funny story - P Diddy in Sweetshop Row

P Diddy in Sweetshop Row

Rap star P Diddy (formerly Puff Daddy, and before that J-Mankoni Raphanapolis Mercutio Benz), has been ordered to leave the US after claims he "ruffled feathers" in a local sweet-shop.

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Funny story - Local Man In Shock As Piranha Devours Severed Penis

Local Man In Shock As Piranha Devours Severed Penis

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock needed a stiff drink last night as what should have been a relaxing evening in with a good film and a couple of beers turned into a living nightmare. "The wife brought this movie home called 'Piranha', which she'd bou...

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Funny story - Britain's largest treasure hoard found in a back garden in Wigan

Britain's largest treasure hoard found in a back garden in Wigan

Two amateur treasure hunters in Wigan were tying out a new metal detector in their own back garden when they uncovered a rare haul of Roman gold and silver. "We were staggered when it beeped over my petunias," said Kathy Trove. "Staggered, yeah...

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Funny story - Man Spends Weekend In Garden Shed After Dispute With Wife

Man Spends Weekend In Garden Shed After Dispute With Wife

A pensioner from Leeds has revealed how he spent the weekend holed-up in his back garden shed, after an argument with his wife "over nowt at all". Arthur Batty, 68, fell foul of his wife, Edna, 65, after she asked him if he liked a new mauve cardi...

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Funny story - Skyler King Dies

Skyler King Dies

Skyler James Adam Edwards King from Truro died in a fatal accident November 3rd involving him and his girlfriend. Forensic experts have deduced the accident happened around 18 hundred hours and involved his head getting stuck in his Girlfriend Amy Co...

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