Brian's Guide to Paperclip Curation still not selling
Chutney on the Fritz's entrepreneur, Brian Asshat, has revealed to us that, since the launch of his guide to paper-clip curation was launched on Amazon Kindle, it is yet to sell a single copy. 'I did like all of the experts tell you,' said the 64-…
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Man Found Woman Asleep In His House
In a strange incident reminiscent of a scene from the children's fairy story, 'Goldilocks and the Three Bears', a man has spoken of how he came home to discover an unknown woman asleep in his house. The incident happened earlier this afternoon whe…
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Brian still can't play the banjo
Chutney on the Fritz's foremost bachelor Brian Asshat still can't play the Banjo, despite owning one for nearly forty years and having a lot of time to spend learning during the lockdown. The four-string tenor model that Brian owns has been in his...
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Unpopular Man on Facebook still unpopular
Despite having a lot more time to kill, local man Wayne Badger is still no more popular on social networking sites than he was this time last year. With only seven friends on Facebook (3 of whom have deactivated) and 17 followed on Twitter, the ch...
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Starbucks Mug Cracked First Time Man Poured Hot Water Into It
A mug produced by the world-famous coffee percolators, Starbucks Coffee, was found to be 'not fit for purpose' when one man decided to use it for the first time yesterday. Moys Kenwood, 55, gagging for a cup of tea, boiled some water in his kettle...
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Local Dolly Parton Fan Gets Breast Implants
Local man Kevin King, 28, has become something of a local celebrity after he appeared at the local Dolly Parton festival in Mrs. Bridges garden last week topless. You see Kevin had just recently undergone breast augmentation surgery - just like hi...
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Man's Underpants Were More Than 20 Years Old
Local Man, Billions in Debt, Succeeds in Convincing Bank Manager to Stop Raising Interest Rates by Threatening to Fire Him
Man Couldn't Find His Keys
Local man's Psychic Cat Predicts Easy England Win
Local Man Lambasted In Duvet Furore
Local council to be computer free by 2013
Man Made Rather Obvious 'Play On Words' Joke
Local Man Builds House Out of Guns
Man Writes Spoof Story About Spoof Stories About Men Doing Stuff
Minorities Upset About New Cable TV Network: White Entertainment Television (WET)
Local Man Waiting Again
Whole Family Dreading Family Time
Man regrets buying a set of dumbells
Stan Bridgewater regrets the set of dumbells that he bought from Argos three days before the country went into Lockdown. 'They just sit there in the lounge, mocking my pipe-cleaner arms. I swore that, by the time Lockdown was lifted, I would be ab…
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English Town Accidentally 'Twinned' With French Brothel
The residents of the sleepy Cotswold town of Stains-on-Pillowcase have today suffered a rude awakening when it emerged that due to an administrative error their town had been twinned with, O La La Bonk, which it now transpires is actually a Brothel i...
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Man's grudges only growing more and more dangerous
Having recently escaped from Ikea, ladies man, Brian Asshat, has revealed that the many grudges he already has have been growing during the lockdown. 'Let's look at the people I dislike. Hilary from the library, Tom Johnson from down the street, B…
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Area Dad: Lawn needs to be cut this weekend
Although local woman Alexa Britzner was only half paying attention, her dad was just saying that he thinks he’s going to cut the lawn this weekend. This announcement came despite the fact that 84% of neighbors think the lawn looks fine. “[The…
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Local Man Too Tired To Fart - Will He Have The Energy To Vote?
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today announced that he was too tired to fart, and that he couldn't guarantee his local Conservative Party candidate that he'd turn up at the polls on Thursday either. Blaming overwork, and a hectic rock 'n' roll life...
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Area Man Proves Doubters, Critics Right
NEW YORK, NY--When Jerry Elmswick dropped out of college in 1996 to start his own travel agency, he faced a rapid barrage of criticism and disapproval from his friends and family. 17 years later, Elmswick can finally stand up and tell all of his doub...
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Local Man In Shock As Piranha Devours Severed Penis
Local man, Martin Shuttlecock needed a stiff drink last night as what should have been a relaxing evening in with a good film and a couple of beers turned into a living nightmare. "The wife brought this movie home called 'Piranha', which she'd bou...
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Britain's largest treasure hoard found in a back garden in Wigan
Two amateur treasure hunters in Wigan were tying out a new metal detector in their own back garden when they uncovered a rare haul of Roman gold and silver. "We were staggered when it beeped over my petunias," said Kathy Trove. "Staggered, yeah...
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Man Spends Weekend In Garden Shed After Dispute With Wife
A pensioner from Leeds has revealed how he spent the weekend holed-up in his back garden shed, after an argument with his wife "over nowt at all". Arthur Batty, 68, fell foul of his wife, Edna, 65, after she asked him if he liked a new mauve cardi...
Read full storyFunny Local Headlines
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Local Man Loves having sex with His Wife
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Local woman cooks too much dinner
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X-Factor - "American Anthems My Arse!" - Local Man Fumes
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Local Man Distraught Over Yet Another Liverpool Drubbing
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Local Albino complains about stuff
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Stubbington Man Finds Strange Object In Back Garden
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Local Man Enjoying Gay Honeymoon With Thespian - Long Suffering Wife Not Amused
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Local Man Can't Hear a Word His Wife is Saying in Other Room
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Man Changed His Mind
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Retired gentleman eats potpie, commits suicide: Neighbor lays the blame on dispute between Satellite TV provider and FOX Broadcasting
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Local Man Accused Of Plagiarism
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Local Man Devastated By Wife's Sordid Secret
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Masterchef - Professionals My Arse! - Says Local Woman
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Martin Shuttlecock's Restaurant Review - McDonalds In Fareham, Hants
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Local Woman Recalls Naked In The Shower Hot Air Balloon Incident
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Man Writes Story To Alleviate Boredom
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A Desperate Ghost Town, N.J., Mayor asks an old friend for an ambulance-chasing, lawyering job
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Woman Reeked Of Fish
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Man Kept Thinking It Was Saturday When It Was Only Friday!
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Father of six falls asleep at work
