There were 163 spoof news stories published in September 2016. A selection of the most popular stories is shown here. You can use the calendar on the right hand side to get news stories from a day in this month.
Is It Politically Correct to Swallow a Live Frog?
No, no, a thousand times NO, say frogs. And most people would probably agree. But, sadly, magician David Blaine must have missed the memo, since his performance at a Google retreat included coughing up a live frog and then -- ugh -- swallowing it again. Good grief, wouldn't you think this would be an inappropriate performance for the Google crowd? In any case, the furious frog who was...
Read full storyLost City of Atlantis Found in Lake Superior
"Everyone's been looking in the wrong place the whole time," announced 85 year old Dr. Emmett Shuttleman. Shuttleman achieved his life ambition earlier this month when he discovered the remains of the lost city of Atlantis not in the Atlantic Ocea...
Read full storyClinton Definitely Will Lose Election To Trump
Hillary Clinton yesterday said one-half of Trump's backers belonged in a "basket of deplorables" because they are racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic, Islamaphobic, you name it." "Politicians are supposed to flatter voters not attack them," sai...
Read full storyTrump Wants To Deport Statue of Liberty
GOP presidential candidate, Donald Trump, demanded today that the statue of liberty be torn down and sent back to France, which gifted the statue to the U.S. He held a press conference on Liberty Island in New York Harbor where the statue is locate...
Read full storyConspiracy Theorists THINK They've Discovered How Hillary Cheated at the Debate, But We Now Know the Truth, and it's Even WORSE
Two days have passed since the record-breaking debate between Republican presidential nominee Donald J. Trump and Democrat nominee Hillary Clinton. It was heated and intense. In front of millions of viewers, moderator Lester Holt interrupted Dona...
Read full storyTrump Says He Will Require U.S. to Convert to "Trump Dollars"
Dreamland, USA Donald Trump, prospective candidate for the Republican Party of the United States, announced plans to convert U.S. currency to what he calls "Trump Dollars" once he takes over the country. "I can't give out all the specifics because...
Read full storyTrump's Secret Plan to Defeat Isis is Revealed
New York, NY Republican Presidential candidate Donald Trump was upset when investigative reporters were able to ferret out a report on how Trump planned to defeat Isis. "I found the report under a pile of old magazines in the waiting room of his o...
Read full storyTrump Says He Will Sue Science
Buford, WY From the campaign trail, Donald Trump lambasted Science as the harbinger of evil to the world. "Global Warming, Illegal E-mail Servers, Illegal Immigration, it's all Science's fault!" said Trump. Afterward, a reporter asked Trump ho...
Read full storyVanna White To Run For President Of U.S.
Vanna White will run to be President of the United States in 2020 a press release put out by her staff revealed today. She is the longtime co-host of the popular game show, "Wheel of Fortune," a kind of high-class version of the game "hangman." W...
Read full storyTrump Denounces Science as a Democratic Hoax
Monowi, Nebraska From the campaign trail, Donald Trump, at a question and answer session, expressed his views on Science. "Science is a big hoax perpetrated by Hillary and the Democratic Party to hoodwink the American people into believing in glob...
Read full storyTrump Announces Plans to Buy Science and then Charge North Korea and Iran to Use It
Columbia, New York, NY The Academic Community today was stunned at the news that Donald Trump announced his plans for dealing with the U.S. enemies such as Iran, North Korea, and Mexico. Trump announced that he planned to purchase Science in orde...
Read full storyCharles Manson To Appear On Dancing With The Stars
In an age where the American public worships celebrities it is no surprise that Olympian Ryan Lochte is appearing on Dancing With The Stars. Lochte gained fame by being caught lying about being robbed at gunpoint at a gas station whose restroom he...
Read full storyPatriots To Replace Brady with "Floating Quarterbacks"
Foxboro, MA - Management for the New England Patriots reportedly plans to terminate its superstar quarterback, Tom Brady, in the coming weeks and replace him with a team of "floating quarterbacks." The team will test a concept loosely based on "...
Read full storyTokyo 2020 Olympic Architecture Poised to Out-Recycle Rio
More and more often, host cities choose Olympic architecture designed to have a second life. The Rio 2016 Olympics featured two great examples. The modularly built handball arena now supplies the building materials for 4 separate urban schools. The 2...
Read full storyTrump Says Putin Is His Role Model
Wikileaks revealed today that it has obtained copies of e-mails between Donald Trump and Russian strongman Vladimir Putin. In the e-mails Trump asks the neo-fascist leader how he can emulate his policies. Here are excerpts from the e-mails that are...
Read full storyBill Belichick to Quarterback Game 4
Due to the concussions suffered by his third string quarterback and his emergency replacement, Bill Belichick, head coach of the New England Patriots will play that position for his team next Sunday when they host the Buffalo Bills. "it's a n...
Read full storyTrump Announces, "I could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of my supporters a fat slob and she'd still vote for me!"
Mobile, AL--At a rally last week in Mobile, Donald Trump bragged that he could stand on Fifth Avenue and call one of his supporters a fat slob, and she'd still vote for him. When a reporter from The Mobile Register went out to a local trailer pa...
Read full storyTrump Gets Science and Math Confused
Loafers Glory, NC In North Carolina, on a town hall campaign stop, Donald Trump was asked by a high school girl what his favorite subjects in school were. "Well, I liked that one with all the dirt and dinosaurs and elements like gold and stuff," s...
Read full storyTrump Proposes Ideological Purity Test
Donald Trump has proposed what analysts call an "ideological purity" test for those who would enter the U.S. as immigrants. Trump said in a statement, "In addition to screening out all members or sympathizers of terrorist groups, we must also screen...
Read full storyTrump Gets His Wish for Mexican Border Wall
Mexican President Enrique Peña Nieto has announced his country will build a wall along the entire Mexican-American border after all. He said his government decided to build the wall to block Mr. Trump from trying to enter Mexico again. The work b...
Read full storyNFL Players Must Wear Ankle Bracelets
When you're paid to hit people on the job you might take that home with you, or in your car, at a bar, in a nightclub, or in a parking lot dispute. NFL players are spoiled, they feel entitled. They believe they're outside the rules and that even i...
Read full storyTrump Takes Day Off After Discovering He's Fat
Donald Trump is taking a day off the campaign trail to recover after he discovered that he was fat. Trump has made comments about the weight of Rosie O'Donnell, Miss Universe Alicia Machado, a rally attendee, Chris Christie, and others. Yesterday...
Read full storyDonald Trump Checkup Said to Reveal He Is Overweight Asshole
New York - Donald J. Trump released on Wednesday the results from his most recent physical examination, revealing that he is overweight, takes a statin for cholesterol, and is an asshole. Although Mr. Trump's weight has been a source of debate, wi...
Read full storyNew Dating Site "Concealed Carry.Com" For Gun Lovers
A new dating site called "Concealed Carry Match.com" was launched last month and is already successful. It advertises itself as a safe, friendly dating site for gun owners. It is mocked on the web as affording an opportunity for Americans to bang o...
Read full storyTrump Tells Megyn Kelly: Giving Birth Less Painful Than Kick In Nuts
BILLINGSGATE POST: Yesterday, in an exclusive interview, Donald Trump and Megyn Kelly went head to head while debating the age-old question; Which is more painful, giving birth or getting kicked in the nuts? What began as peace-making dialogue bet...
Read full storyGas Prices To Skyrocket And Shortages Loom
A gasoline spill south of Birmingham, Alabama, last Friday led to the shutdown of an important pipeline that delivers fuel to much of the South and East. It is expected to cause shortages and prices will rise dramatically. A Colonial Pipeline Co. pi...
Read full storyColin Kaepernick Refuses to Participate in Age-Old Baseball Traditions
San Francisco 49ers quarter back Colin Kaepernick was recently spotted at a local baseball game refusing to throw his hands up when the Wave reached his section. "I couldn't believe my eyes," one onlooker had to say before biting into his $8 pret...
Read full story"This Bud's for you" - Hillary Clinton Caught wearing Earpiece during Presidential Forum
NEW YORK - On Thursday, Fox News, True Pundit, and others reported while Hillary Clinton was taking questions during a live television Commander-In-Chief forum on Wednesday evening, a rumor was spreading among New York law enforcement circles about t...
Read full storyTrump To Command Military Expedition Against ISIS
In November 2015 Donald Trump said, "I know more about ISIS than the generals do. Believe me." In that same year Mr. Trump stated, "I always felt that I was in the military" because of his education at a military-themed boarding school. He said his...
Read full storyTrump To Get Convoy Of Supertankers For Iraq Oil
At the debate yesterday, September 7, on MSNBC, Donald Trump said we should take all of the oil out of Iraq and bring it to America. He complained that America spent $3 trillion, we lost thousands and thousands of lives, "And then what happens is,...
Read full storyHillary Should Smile When She Discusses Rape In Military
On Wednesday night, democratic nominee for president Hillary Clinton used her time during the Commander-in-Chief Forum to talk about, among other things, national security, and how to confront ISIS, veteran's suicide, rape in the military, and taking...
Read full storySenior sexual assault: "She hung the Handicap Parking placard around my neck and sat on my face!"
The Raleigh News and Observer is reporting today that an elderly man in a small town near Raleigh claims he was sexually assaulted while sleeping in a parked car in a shopping center. According to the report the elderly man was sleeping in the pas...
Read full storySan Francisco QB Kaepernick Controversy Goes Viral
The Department of Defense has spent at least $6 million to many NFL teams in exchange for their various salutes to service people and involvement in other military promotions at games. It is part of a recruitment process the War Department says.
Read full storyHillary Clinton Sets New Sights on Sainthood
Vatican City - On Sunday, Mother Teresa, revered for her work with the poor in India, was proclaimed a saint by Pope Francis in a ceremony at the Vatican. Tens of thousands of pilgrims attended the canonization in St Peter's Square. Francis said:...
Read full storyObama Offers Philippine President Duterte Joint Causing International Blow-Up
Leaders of the G-20 met in executive session and adopted an emergency resolution. The resolution called on putting U.S. President Barrack Hossein Obama and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte in time-out after the two traded insults and accusations...
Read full storyWillie Nelson & VA. Gov. Should Be In Prison
Willie Nelson was in Virginia for a concert and afterwards Governor Terry McAuliffe, who opposes marijuana legalization, visited Nelson for 10 minutes on Nelson's bus. On the table in the bus, less than 16" from where McAuffle was seated, was a 1/...
Read full storyMan "good with computers" seeks occupation
Satch Farley of Binghamton has taken out a full page add in the Binghamton Post seeking employment in the computer industry on the basis that he is good with computers. Mr. Farley, a 26-year-old landscaper living in his parents' basement lis...
Read full storyHillary Trump and Colin Kaepernick get down to it in Oakland bar after sundown
Spoof Investigations just attended a secret meeting between the presidential candidates and the 49ers Colin Kaepernick in a frank discussion "on America as the greatest nation in recorded history. Ever. Bar none." A mystery guest was on hand.
Read full storyHillary Clinton's Coughing Fits "A Combination of Semen and Public Hairs"
Washington DC - They were supposed to be redacted, but portions of FBI summaries of interrogations with Hillary Clinton were leaked to the press today, showing the Democratic Presidential Candidate alleging that her frequent coughing fits are not due...
Read full storyDonald Trump in Dead Heat With Kim Jong-Un For Craziest World Leader Title
Even though he has not been elected President and is at present only the Republican Party nominee and mouthpiece, Donald Trump has jumped into a dead tie with North Korean despot Kim Jong-Un as the craziest world leader still-in-power, in the latest...
Read full storyTaco Trucks On Every Corner
Thank you god! A Latino Republican and Donald Trump supporter, one of few, warned that the Latino community was growing by leaps and bounds, (he had six children) and that Latinos are very bold. If the rest of the United States doesn't watch it, he t...
Read full storyTrump Wants His Own Internet
Cawker City, Kansas Donald Trump spoke out against the Internet on his latest campaign stop. "What's the deal with this Internet thing anyways? I don't use it myself, I have everything printed out for me! All I hear is bad things about it. All the...
Read full storyHillary Should Get Out Of The Campaign Now
Clinton has struggled for the past eight years to convince voters that she is a regular person who can connect with them. "Her problems boil down to one thing and one thing only, and that is likability," said Peter Hart, a Democratic pollster. An...
Read full storyHillary's Health Problem Exposed!
You've seen the videos; head jerking, loss of balance, cackling inappropriate laughter, bizarre contorted smiling. Many have speculated everything from brain damage, epilepsy, and Parkinson's disease but the truth is at last here thanks to a leak fro...
Read full storyTrump Business Advice: Stiff Your Workers, Keep the Money, and Watch Your Personal Net Worth Rise!
Horn Hill, Alabama Trump, when asked at a rally what was taught at Trump University before it closed, he went into a talk on his business practices, where it came out that he never paid his employees, contractors, and even the little girl musical tro...
Read full storyNewest flatworm to be named after Giuliani
Last week, a new species of flatworm discovered in Malaysia was named after President Barack Obama as Baracktrema obamai. The scientist making this designation, Thomas R. Platt, chose Mr. Obama, a distant relative, and a person Mr. Platt admires.
Read full storySpoof reporter to not quit day job
"I have come to the realization, " said I to a packed conference room in the left wing of my mind, "that since I have embarked on this road of hard-nosed reporting for The Spoof that there are no bonus checks arriving in the mail." I wiped m...
Read full storyMan shouts "yahtzee" at inappropriate time
Service on the IRT 1 line was disrupted for nearly an hour today as police and their k9 partners searched for an elusive figure accused of yelling "Yahtzee" with no evidence of actually playing the game while traveling on a northbound Broadway local.
Read full storyFuror Over Trump Clinton Debate
In the so-called debate between Clinton and Trump on 11/7, on MSNBC, moderator Matt Lauer took a lot of heat from commentators. Among many complaints, was that he was sexist because he repeatedly interrupted Hillary and didn't with Donald. Crit...
Read full storyObama forced to exit rear end of Air Force One plus no red carpet
Mr. Obama's arrival in China for the G-20 summit was somewhat perplexing as no properly placed stairway and accompanying red carpet were supplied at the airport. State Department officials are studying this development but have dispensed with call...
Read full storyMephistopheles4U hacks strategies for upcoming presidential debate
Renowned hacker Mephistopheles4U has not only hacked into the candidates' strategies for the upcoming debate, he's also into the emails of Mr. Lester Holt, the first moderator. Mr. Holt has been reviewing moderator performance over the decades and...
Read full storyScientists Work on Time Machine to Take Them Back Before Trump Became the Republican Nominee
Science Town, USA Scientists, appalled at the thought of Trump becoming President of the U.S., once again began working feverishly on the time machine that they first started when Bush defeated Gore in 2000. "I'm not sure what we could do about Tr...
Read full storyAfter Almost Accidentally Winning Buffalo Bills Fire Offensive Coordinator
After getting the Bills within striking distance of their rival the New York Jets in a 37-31 shootout, Rex Ryan took appropriate action, firing Offensive Coordinator Greg Roman. "I didn't bring my loser brother in here to tank the defense, only...
Read full storyClinton Camp Insists Stumbling Incident Had "Nothing to do with" Seeing Huge Puerto Rican Cock
New York (AP) - The video showing Hillary Clinton stumbling into her van and nearly falling before secret service grabbed her shoulders has fueled speculation that the Democratic Presidential candidate may be suffering from undisclosed health ailment...
Read full storyPentagon Can't Account For Losing $6.5 Trillion It Is Huge Law Breaker
AP -- From spending $150 million on private villas for a handful of personnel in Afghanistan to blowing $2.7 billion on an air surveillance balloon that doesn't work, the latest revelations of waste at the Pentagon are stories in a long line of simil...
Read full storyOwensboro Man Finds Trump Dollar, Calls It Sign From God
Gerard Freeman from Owensboro, Ky has reportedly found a dollar with the face of Trump on it. The man was reading the bible and praying to God when, in the bible, he found the dollar. The man claims, "This must be a sign from God! I was praying a...
Read full storyBig Ten NCAA Football League Conspires to Have Alphabet Changed
Midwest City, USA The Big 10 Football League sent an open letter to the colleges of the US, asking them to PLEASE let all football players have a different alphabet than the other students because the football players were having trouble counting. It...
Read full story"This is God and I approve this message!"
Television screens, computers and hand held devices of all kinds went suddenly blank for an instant last night. Then.....a bright light shone on all the devices and a strong, but friendly voice filled the screens. Texting fingers posed in mid air, re...
Read full storyU of Texas dildo movement goes viral
Last week students at the University of Texas protested a law allowing concealed weapons on campus by exhibiting dildos on tee shirts, plus carrying around plastic replicas in a large variety of colors and sizes. Students are pointing to the absu...
Read full storySome News Headlines You May Have Missed
Russia declares war against China. Iran declares war against Iraq. Israel declares war against Syria. Italy declares war against Macedonia. Turkey declares war against Germany. Australia declares war against East Timor. Japan declares war again...
Read full storyTrump Could Have Transsexual As Running Mate If Stern Approves
Like on most issues, Donald Trump seems to be confused about his views on the LGBT community. He indicates that he is opposed to same sex marriage, and in connection with Arianna Huffington's divorce from her bi-sexual husband he made snide remarks...
Read full storyAmericans Embarrassed By Trump Won't Travel Abroad
62% of Americans don't know what the constitution is - they have no idea of what's in it. 51% believe it establishes a Christian nation. 1 in 4 believes that the sun revolves around the earth. 70% of Americans don't believe in evolution which is...
Read full storyChimpanzee protest groups growing after being compared to Trump
Renowned anthropologist Jane Goodall recently noted that Trump's campaign behavior reminds her of chimpanzees "and their dominance rituals." Males seeking to dominate, according to Ms. Goodall, put on displays such as making a lot of noise, includ...
Read full storyPatient Dies After Firing His "Career Oncologist"
New Hartford, CT--Reggie Whitford, a patient suffering from stage 2 colorectal cancer, died on Tuesday eight months after firing what he groused to his family members was a "goddamn career oncologist." His former oncologist, Dr. Sudhir Parikh, was...
Read full storyRyder Cup golfer scores hole in one or two news stories
The brother of Masters champion and Ryder Cup star, Danny Willett, has inadvertently let the establishment off the hook, in an article he initially wrote about the Home Office Select committee. Peter Willett, a schoolteacher from Sheffield and n...
Read full storyClinton Fakes Illness to Convince Voters She is Human
Chappaqua, NY-Democratic Presidential Nominee Hilary Clinton released a statement this past weekend stating that her dizzy spell caught on camera was the result of a case of Pneumonia. This alarmed many registered voters in swing states who were...
Read full storyLeft Wing Supports, Encourages Trump
On September 8, in the MSNBC faux debate, Donald Trump complained, "We lost thousands and thousands of lives in the Iraq war and got nothing out of it. "We should have gotten the oil because to the victor goes the spoils." The inept Washington Po...
Read full storySam Allardyce Resigns From England Job With 100% Record
England football manager Sam Allardyce today stepped down from the post, and immediately became the first England team manager in history to leave the job with a 100% record. Allardyce, who took over from previous boss, Roy Hodgson, in July, guide...
Read full storyObama Vetoes 911 Family Victim Relief Bill, "If Passed, Law Would Deter Future Terrorist Attacks and That Is Not Acceptable."
Washington DC - Appearing in what he called a "Dakishi" and then apologizing in case he pronounced the word wrong, President Obama today told reporters in the White House briefing room that there was "no fucking way" he would sign a bill allowing vic...
Read full storyU.S. Letter Carriers Go Postal After FBI Reveals "They" Lost Hillary's Computer
WASHINGTON - Last Friday the FBI released a summary of former Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's July 2, 2016 interview with the FBI concerning allegations that classified information was improperly stored or transmitted on a personal e-mail server...
Read full story400 pound man sitting on his bed found in sleazy hotel room in New York
The mysterious hacker referred to by Donald Trump in Monday night's presidential debate has finally been identified. Mr. Rottinan Mellinoski, originally from Buffalo, now resides in a small hotel room in New York City, with window looking on to th...
Read full storyMan In Owensboro Roams Streets As "Deplorable Man"
A man, who goes by the name of "Deplorable Man", now roams the streets of Owensboro, Ky. Deplorable Man reportedly created a large basket to sit in and sent himself to the courthouse. Police came to remove the man. However, he refused while saying he...
Read full storyCelebrity Athiests To Lead Prayer Groups Against Trump
Jack Nickelson, Steve Wozaniak, Jodie Foster, Bill Gates, Woody Allen, Seth Macfarlane, Steven hawking, Richard Dawkins Bill Mahr, Facebook Mark Zukerberg, Matt Damon and other famous atheists and agnostics are enlisting people to join prayer groups.
Read full storyTrump Racist Voter Discrimination Laws OK
On Friday, Rolling Stone will release on newsstands, "The GOP's Secret War on Voters," a year's-long investigation by Greg Palast and a team of experts exposing a scheme by 29 Republican state voting officials to remove voters, a program directed by...
Read full storyPresident Obama Offers to Establish Death Panel
The president announced today a major change to the Affordable Care Act, affectionately known as Obamacare. "It has come to my attention that the largest health care insurance companies have suffered as low a market gain as 570% since the ACA became...
Read full storyAfter Coming Off as a Whiny, Petulant Child, Trump Advised to Change Debate Strategy
Beuleh, MS Donald Trump was upset after the first debate he had with Democratic candidate Hillary Clinton. He was told by his advisers that he should have prepared more. "How dare anyone tell me I'm doing anything wrong! That debate went just like...
Read full storyHatred of Trump Triggered Duterte and Obama Fight
Investigative reporter, Amiko Aventurista, has discovered the recent fight between U.S. President Barrack Hossein Obama and Philippine President Rodrigo Duterte actually began last year in the Muslim holy city of Mecca. According to three independen...
Read full storyTrump Swindles Eight-Year-Olds!
Ameri-tude…USA! American pride…USA! It's attitude, its who we are, Stand up tall….We're the red, white, and blue…..Fiercely free, that's who!......Our colors don't run, no siree…Over here…..USA!......Over there…..USA!...Freedom and liberty everywhere...
Read full storyTrump Has Serious Mental Illness
Recent suggestions by medical doctors and psychoanalysts have sparked a national conversation and the media has pressed candidates Clinton and Trump about submitting to a panel of MD's to check their physical health as well as submitting to psychoana...
Read full storyScamatology Putting Out Call for New Celebrities Due to Exit of Jason Lee & Leah Remini
ClearlyCriminal, FL Scamatology has always used their celebrity members to promote the church. However, as they lose regular members (four times as many Britons claim they are Jedi Warriors, as opposed to Scamatology), so too are many of their celebr...
Read full storyGod Answers Questions on Hillary Clinton Sainthood
Heaven - Last Sunday Mother Teresa revered for her work with the poor in India, was proclaimed a saint by Pope Francis in a ceremony at the Vatican. On the following Monday, I reported that Hillary Clinton was on the Vatican's short list for the next...
Read full story"You're Welcome" greeting card introduced
The new Fallmark flagship store in Times Square opened today with a surprise new line. The "You're Welcome" card is the fruition of the imagination of veteran card creator Patty McCarthy. "It's a thoughtful way to convey feelings of acceptanc...
Read full storyNational Treasures to be Housed in Museum
Britain's National Treasures, including the likes of Julie Walters and Dame Judi Dench, are to be rounded up and housed in a museum it was announced today. The new Culture Secretary, Karen Bradley today unveiled her plans stating that it was vita...
Read full storyPhiladelphia Fraternal Order of Police Head Clarifies "Clinton Blew Us Off" Comment As Reason For Trump Endorsement
Philadelphia - One day after announcing that his union was endorsing Republican nominee Donald Trump for President of the United States, John McNesby, the President of the Philadelphia Fraternal Order of Police backtracked on his comment that Democr...
Read full storyInterview with Trump's mouth
Despite the dire trouble Mr. Trump's mouth is in, Spoof Investigations has managed a separate, exclusive interview with this orifice. The interview occurred in a dark alley behind Trump Tower and was probably subject to surveillance cameras. Mr...
Read full storyNorth Carolina bans use of walking canes in public, designated "phallic symbols."
The North Carolina legislature passed House bill #3 yesterday banning use of walking canes in public! As thousands of senior citizens complained of being instantly house bound,the Governor issued a statement supporting the legislation. It reads in pa...
Read full storyHillary Explains Why She Needs So Many E-Mail Accounts
Washington, DC Hillary Clinton explained why she has so many e-mail accounts to the press. "I have one e-mail address I give to close friends, and then one I give to people that I want them to think are friends but aren't. There's another e-mail a...
Read full story"They Let Anyone Into the Hancock High School Hall of Fame These Days," Athletic Director Complains
LEMAY, MO--An outraged John Dupree, Athletic Director for Hancock Senior High School, called reporters into his office Thursday to make known his anger with what he feels is the growing ease to which alumni have been elected to the Hancock High Schoo...
Read full storyTrump Calls for Four More Walls
GOP Presidential Candidate Donald Trump announced today his administration will not rest until the entire nation is protected from productive immigrants. His campaign called a press conference to explain that the candidate recently learned some state...
Read full storyTrump's VP Choice Defends Trump Jr.'s Skittle Remark
Donald Trump Jr. is facing intense backlash on social media after he posted a message on Twitter Monday night that compared Syrian refugees to a bowl of Skittles sprinkled with a few that "would kill you." "This image says it all. Let's end the po...
Read full storyObama's "Blunt" Meeting With Putin
US president Obama smoked a blunt with Russian leader Vladimir Putin this weekend while wrapping up the G20 summit in Hangzhou, China. So did Obama and Putin get high together as some are now claiming? The cannabis that the two world leaders sm...
Read full storyMs. Piggy Challenges Trump to Work Out and Lose Some Weight
After hearing former Miss Universe Alicia Machado's story of being bullied, insulted, harassed and intimidated by current presidential candidate Donald Trump while Miss Universe, Ms. Piggy hits the warpath. "Who does he think he is? Just look at h...
Read full storyChurch of Scamatology Declares Themselves Ineligible For Athletic Competition Due to Super-Powers
Clearlymental, FL The Church of Scamatology has made a special announcement regarding the fact that none of their members, even though they are supposed to be the most awesome people on the planet, have ever factored into any sports competitions.
Read full storyPalestinians in Gaza adopt celebrity names to gain media attention
Palestinians living in the occupied Gaza Strip have taken to creative measures to attract media attention from the US and other powerful NATO and UN member countries. Many have begun legally changing their names to those of high-profile celebrit...
Read full storyTrump Campaign Crows About Endorsement from ISIS President Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi
The President of the Islamic State issued a videotaped press release yesterday announcing the organization's new "Terrorists for Trump" campaign. Al-Baghdadi reminded the world that jihadism thrives on chaos, and thus Islam State leaders concluded t...
Read full storyWrite In Campaign For President Bigfoot Sweeps The Nation
The favorability ratings of the presidential candidates, Clinton and Trump, are at about 30%, so this opens the way for a new candidate. Of course, it is now too late to get on the ballot in any of the 50 states. But a write in candidate for Pr...
Read full storyUniversity Student Ejaculates Through Open Feminist "Safe-Space" Window
Eugene, Oregon - A University of Oregon program to provide "safe-spaces" for male masturbators started off with good intentions but backfired thanks to a failure of foresight in positioning the safe-space male masturbation room adjacent to a feminist...
Read full storyDonald Trump diagnosed with Foot in Mouth disease, suspends campaign!
A spokesman for the Trump campaign took the podium at a press conference this morning to announce that Candidate Trump had been diagnosed with Foot in Mouth disease and would suspend his campaign for at least two weeks. The announcement did not...
Read full storyTrump Defends Babies' NRA Rights
GOP nominee Donald Trump responded to criticism this morning that his line of baby car seats should not have gun holsters. Trump doubled down on his policy that children have the right to bear arms and his presidency will do whatever is necessary to...
Read full storyTaylor Swift Running Out of Guys to Break Up With
Nashville, TN With her most recent break-ups with Zac Effron, Tom Hiddleston, and Calvin Harris, Taylor Swift is fretting about running out of boys to break up with. Weighing most heavily on Swift's mind is the fact that she makes breaking up wit...
Read full storyPirates cannonball Erskine Quint as he sinks without a dime!
Admiral Erskine Quint, intrepid adventurer extraordinaire, after launching his three ships across oceans of cyber space has now been blown out of the water by non-Somalian pirates! Erskine Quint, an ex-aristocratic, mercurial stud, was last seen n...
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